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Two separate meals on St. Patty's Day

newcstep's picture

So Friday is St. Patrick's Day. Which has traditionally for our family meant corned beef and cabbage for dinner. One of my favorite meals YUM! This year St. Patty's Day happens to fall on a Friday of Lent. For all of you practicing Catholics that means no meat. While we are religious, DH and I are not Catholic and do not observe this Catholic tradition. SD8 however, is being raised Catholic by her BM. (I'm sure you can all see where this is going.)

Obviously no one is going to force the child to eat meat. We try to respect the decision to raise her Catholic and more importantly SD's choice to observe this tradition. That being said, would you skip the corned beef and refrain from meat in support of SD, or would you fix SD something different for dinner (grilled cheese, fish sticks, pbj?) and eat your corned beef anyway?

DH is oscillating between two different opinions. On one hand he is concerned that eating meat in front of her would be like rubbing something in her face that she can't have. On the other hand this is a great opportunity to teach SD about personal choices and that not everyone makes the same choice that she does. Just as we respect her choice, she should respect ours.

Comments

classyNJ's picture

Not a fan of corned beef but yummmmm cabbage.

Does SD like corned beef and cabbage?

Myself, I would eat what I wanted and give her something else but I can be a meanie like that }:)

newcstep's picture

Would you consider PBJ acceptable as "something else"? We are typically a very home-cooked, full meal, two sides and a starch kind of family. PBJ for dinner just doesn't happen in our house. But I don't really want to fix a whole second meal either.

notsobad's picture

Why don't DH and SD make her meal.
Not as a punishment but as something they can share and do together. He's supporting her choices and not making extra work for you.

CLove's picture

I am Catholic and gave up meat for lent. I would just make a separate meal!!!!
Over and done!!!

And then make something nice for SD, and let her know you respect the discipline and the sacrifices she is making (the whole point of it all...)

notsobad's picture

Go for the teaching moment.
It's easy to follow your religion when everyone around you is also following it. It's not so easy when you are the only one doing it. At 8 I think she's old enough to learn this lesson.

WalkOnBy's picture

me - I wear orange and green.

Started when I was a kid in Chicago - wearing both made sure no Mick was upset with me Smile

ESMOD's picture

Ok.. I'm just going to throw this out there.

Is there any reason you can't do the corned beef on Saturday? It sounds like you celebrate St Patrick's in the more secular sense right? It's not a religious "thing". I wouldn't see this as much different as the way lots of people trick or treat on a day other than halloween some years. Or, even the fact that many restaurants have their St. Pats parties on days other than the actual day due to weekends and all.

So, my vote would be try to have a meal suited for the SD on Friday. Have corned beef on Saturday. I don't see this as a huge accommodation.

newcstep's picture

I did think of that, but we do have dinner plans already for Saturday and Sunday. Though I guess technically we could do it just DH and I on Thursday.

I'll admit I'm probably letting my petty SM thoughts seep into this decision a bit. I'm trying to be understanding, but there is that little voice in the back of my head (you know, the selfish b*tch who never should have married a man with kids) whispering, "why should I have to change my plans to cater to SD and choices being forced on her by BM." I'll admit I constantly struggle with that voice. There is no reason we can't do it on Thursday. Thanks for the insight!

ESMOD's picture

I guess the other part of the equation is how much you think the kid will care that she isn't getting to eat the St pat's meal.. and eating in front of her will cause issues.

If you think she won't care and would be ok with a fish stick (I imagine this would be acceptable for an 8 yo palette) I would just fix her a mac n cheese and fish stick and call it a meal for her. Won't take too much longer really.

notarelative's picture

Make the corned beef.

The bishop in our diocese has granted an exception to the fast and abstinence rules for March 17. Many dioceses in the U.S., with large ethnic Irish populations, grant a dispensation from the rules that day. If you check the diocese website in your area that day you may find that your diocese has granted a dispensation. If they have you get to wave it in bm's face.

If they haven't she's not old enough to be bound by the rule anyway. BM should not make up or change church rules to control the cooking in your house.

I'd cook the beef. However, if SD doesn't want to eat corned beef, I'd give her a cheese or peanut butter sandwich to eat while we ate the corned beef. I'd respect SD's choice, but I wouldn't cook her an entire separate meal.

newcstep's picture

"BM should not make up or change church rules to control the cooking in your house."
--This just feeds right into my alter ego (petty, selfish, evil SM). When I think of it this way, I'm filled with righteous anger. I try really hard to suppress these thoughts and remember that this is SD's choice not BM's, and while I wouldn't piss on BM to put out a fire, I would do anything for SD. Even if that's not entirely true looking at it as SD's choice helps me stay sane.

WalkOnBy's picture

The Church does not require no meat Fridays of this child.

I can't even begin to imagine that said child even understands why we give up meat during Lent.

Make YOUR meal in YOUR house. She can eat cabbage, carrots and potatoes, maybe some soda bread, too.

But to make a whole separate meal? NOPE.

No need to reinforce that the sun and the moon and the stars revolve around her.

GRITSinAL's picture

I would fix her something different. If she is going to remain Catholic (same as other religions so please don't read that I am picking on that ONE. I am Episcopal myself) then she is going to be expected at times to make personal sacrifices. If it is important enough for her, she will. If it is not important enough for her, she won't and that will also be OK. You're not being evil by getting to have your traditional meal that she cannot have. If she has something else to eat, that is sufficient. There is no reason you should have to follow her meal guideline simply because she is Catholic....because y'all are not Catholic.

princessmofo's picture

Not sure if this will help but I was and am a practicing catholic, my whole life, and the last time this happened pope John Paul allowed catholics to celebrate St. Pat's day with corned beef.

http://www.reviewjournal.com/life/religion/bishop-allows-las-vegas-catho...

I just pulled this from the internet today. But you may want to check with the local diocese if you are unsure.

But, I personally, will be having corned beef and cabbage Friday. Smile

notasm3's picture

My sister has been a vegetarian for decades. I do not make a special separate meal for her when she eats with us. She just doesn't eat the meat entree. I do not use meat products in the side dishes that we share. She gets a lots of vegetables and bread. I usually have beans in something plus a starch. She eats a great meal just avoids the meat.

Holly's picture

But she doesn't need a whole separate meal... Cabbage, potatoes will go just fine with fish sticks and you can keep some corned beef for her to have on Saturday. Its really not a big deal, unless you make it a big deal. And IMO, I think its important for her to see that different people have different customs, religious beliefs or what have you... and still live together without differences being made a big deal... no fuss, it's just another day with a slight adjustment/compromise.

ESMOD's picture

To be honest, I am not 100% certain that an 8 yo wouldn't turn her nose up at corned beef anyway. It is a stronger flavor than typical kid fare.

Don't jump on me! At her age I was eating sushi, dried squid and seaweed for snacks. I was a pretty adventurous eater. But, looking at my SD's they were decidedly less adventurous when I first met them. Unfortunately, I helped expand their diet and now they want to go to sushi and other spendy places.

Willow2010's picture

How about DH just ask her when she gets there….“Hey SD we have fish sticks and PB and Js or sandwich and chips…what do you want to eat since you can’t eat the meat today?”

Then her and DH can make it. I mean it is not like REALLY making a whole other meal for one person. It’s fish sticks or sandwiches.

Icansorelate's picture

make her something else easy (but not that fun, because the whole point of lent is suffering- so a pizza would not be suffering)...save her a plate for the next day, and then as part of your tradition or new one, have a kick ass dessert that EVERYONE shares.

Even though sd is not required by the church to follow the no meat, BM could make a huge stink about it in court if court came up, and depending on your judge, you could look bad.

PB and J or fishsticks and cabbage for SD. (but she still gets corned beef and dessert so BM cannot bitch you were mean to her)

jmh302's picture

I would just make her something else. She can have fish sticks and the stuff with your meal that is not meat.

I am making ham steaks, potatos and cabbage and greens. Yum.

I do not worry about the wearing of certain colors lol i do not think i have been pinched since i was a child.

Slightly ot but my kids father always assumed he was Irish due to his families last name... well he got one of those ancestory dna tests.. he is 100% NOT irish...like not even a little.

twoviewpoints's picture

Does she usually eat and enjoy the corned beef and cabbage? Is she really going to feel 'left out' if Dad and you are having it and she not?

If she doesn't really care about it, but you do want her to feel she's partaking in a regular dinner type meal, cheat. My suggestion would be a Simply Bake Salmon or Haddock by Gorton's bag popped in the oven the last few minutes of your meals baking time and zap her a Bird's Eye Steamfresh Broccoli and cheese or the Roasted Red Potatoes with butter chive sauce and call it a day.

Not really preparing a second dinner or exerting yourself. It's pop in and hit a button then present on plate. She's also welcome to nibble at any parts of what Dad and you are having if she likes it and wants to. You all can think of it as having dinner in a restaurant where very body has a different entrée ordered but none of the work of preparing two meals. Pop and zap.

My 17yr old pops the Gorton's salmon in oven and does a linguine pasta with her own created lemon dill sauce and tops it with her fish when she can't talk me into running into the fish market.

Maxwell09's picture

It's all over Facebook that in our area Catholics are having a "special dispensation" for the Friday of St Patrick's day. Check your local diocese and see if they've also granted it for your Stepdaughters area.

Step2Spoiledrotten's picture

Our church is having the traditional corned beef and cabbage dinner on Friday, as well as a fish fry.
As for SD, I would explain what is happening and give her a choice but make it easy on you like mac n cheese or fish sticks.

Acratopotes's picture

I will not change my traditions for any one, I'm sorry....

Why can't SD spend Friday with BM and BM can go on with her Catholic teachings? And you enjoy your tradition...
neither will I prepare any special meals...

This is life, in Rome you do what they do....

Willow2010's picture

No one is asking her to change her traditions. It would not hurt her DH to offer SD some fish sticks or a sandwich instead of the meat. Not a thing wrong with that. Easy peasy. This is being made into a much larger issue than it needs to be.

newcstep's picture

Yes this.

I didn't THINK it was a big deal, but then my DH started worrying about it. Which then made me feel like the evil SM for not batting an eye. I think you nailed it Lady. We end up overthinking every single little thing when it comes to CODs. That probably causes more problems than it solves in the long run. Thanks everyone for helping me see this.

moeilijk's picture

I was thinking about this post today. In my own faith we fast this month, but of course not every single person can... or does. And while on the one hand it's obligatory, it's an individual obligation, not one that is enforceable in any way.

I liken it to being 'told' to do something, or to being 'asked' to do something.

For health reasons, I can't fast from food or drink. So I have given up Facebook for the month instead. It's been interesting for sure!

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Haven't read the rest of the replies but I can 100% tell you that all the Irish Catholics in Ireland make an exception for St Patrick's day. Everyone can eat meet.