You are here

BM called SD15's bluff

NCMilGal's picture

Among other things.

I am so frustrated with SD15 and her situation. I'm no doctor, but when I read the characteristics of BPD and NPD, chills go down my spine - it's like the authors interviewed BM. SD15 is walking on eggshells trying to appease BM, and is coming to DH and me for advice on how to deal with BM's crazy mood swings. She tells MIL (and me) that she can't wait to get out of that house, she writes Sad when she tells me she has to go home to BM, and she gives every indication that she's miserable.

DH and I live 1000 miles away from BM and MIL, so DH gets a huge amount of his info from MIL. SD15 was at MIL's the week after Easter, and told her that she 'can't wait' to move out. Apparently, BM has told SD15 to go live with us if she thinks it will be better/more fun. I suspect that's BM trying to call SD15's bluff - SD15 is all words, no action.

What really drives me nuts is that we have offered up our home to SD15. Why is she not jumping at it?

I wish I could just shrug and say, "your choice" when she complains. I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't want to fix everything for her.

How do I disengage from caring so much?


LizzieA's picture

We've had almost the same situation here. SS hasn't even been to visit, DH has offered our home many times, but SS is in a loyalty bind or too afraid or something to actually leave the nest. BM is downright neglectful. SS has gone without medicine, she never provides food, and she lets him run wild. DH gave SS and SD the "choice" to stay there and they did, for the comfort zone and the "friends." Plus BM is incredibly dependent and I think puts them both in spousal status. SD does all the housework and SS does all the manly chores. BM parties and runs off to see her BF.
It's been a mystery to me, too, as DH was the parent in the household, undermined by BM of course (she hid them all smoking from DH for example), and he has a lot in common with SS.

I alternate between frustrated and glad I don't have to deal with a kid. Mine are grown.

buttercookie's picture

She doesn't really want to live with you. She wants the attention from the drama she's creating and or spreading talking about how bad she has it, she's a typical spoiled teen age girl. She probably wants to live where she can have the most freedom. Her BM probably makes her behave. Unless there is a reason to believe your Stepdaughter is in danger or being abused I wouldn't buy in to her sympathy getting or attention seeking behavior