vacationing with skids
I was just curious if any of you have the desire to vaction with just your dh/so and the biochild you have together and if so do you do it? I haven't really voiced this anywhere else, i'm just curious how ya'll do things.
Now that DD is here I've thought it would be nice to maybe take a 4/5 mini trip, just the 3 of us. It's not that I don't want SS there it's just the irritation of having to ask Bm if he can go with us (because we'd have him extra days) and then having to let her know where we're going, how long we'll be there, and having to stop what we're doing so SS can call his mom or have her calling demanding to talk to SS etc etc. and it's not like we can just wait for dhs' "off weekend" because Dh gets SS every weekend and DH and Bm are required to have a note signed if either of them takes SS out of the state so it's not like we can just bounce out and not say anything about it because dh would have to tell her he's not going to pick up SS and then explain we're going out of town blah blah blah.
Am I being selfish for thinking this way? I feel like a jerk. I just sometimes would like to do things without feeling like we have to run it by Bm first and also enjoying time with just the family we made together. :/
Also to note, ever since DD was born Bm seems to push SS on DH even more, it's almost like she wants to assert that SS is still his first child/first priority (I say that because when DD was born she called him and started to imply that SS was number 1-dh of course shut her down but I know that's the attitude she has). For instance my grandfather passed a few months ago and we had to take a trip to my homestate and Dh let Bm know that he wouldn't be picking up SS that particular weekend and she threw a guilt trip on him that he's his son and he should take him even though SS had never met my grandfather.
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First off, I love you pic
First off, I love you pic
Anyway, I do get along with SS, he is a good kid. We've taken him out of town a couple times and he'd well behaved so I have no issues there.
I wish Bm was as easy as that. With her we ask for extra days and she wants to know why, where we're going, when we're leaving, how we're getting there etc. which I get, I mean I'm a mom too so I would want to know those things as well. She's just a B about it though, maybe i'd feel different if the attitude was different.
Oh wow, if SS was like that I
Oh wow, if SS was like that I def don't think I could do it. However he's still very young so we'll see how things get as he gets older. Right now, it's just a desire to have time off where Bm isn't a thought. ya know?
Plan short vacations. Two
Plan short vacations. Two three days to start with if you are going to take him.
Kids get cranky when out of routine - environment can add to this.
Also it won't be days ruined with a kid you want to strangle...
I think it just depends on
I think it just depends on what we are doing. I would never take only bios to Disney world the same way I wouldn't allow DH to do that with only steps. If it's a weekend trip or a weekend thing, we try to plan around times when the whole family is there but if we can't do it, it isn't world ending. As the skids get older it gets trickier because they have more commitments. We went on a trip without them because the trip was planned before a volleyball tournament and they preferred to do the tournament. It wasn't that big of an issue.
I am pretty selfish. To me,
I am pretty selfish. To me, vacation and step kid in the same sentence... well, no.
Especially when having to deal with a BM like that.
I feel you, I don't mind SS
I feel you, I don't mind SS sometimes because I do get along with him but just sometimes I would like it to just be us.
How do you approach this with your spouse?
My husband is not one who
My husband is not one who always thought his daughter (now 23) had to be included in every.little.thing we did.
that's good, fortunately Dh
that's good, fortunately Dh isn't that way either and he's said in the past that if BM doesn't let him go on whatever we plan that we'll go without him however I don't know how to say that I want it to just be us without sounding like a mean sm if that makes sense. lol.
Same here. All our vacations
Same here. All our vacations are scheduled around skid time.
Good advice!
Good advice!
Our first real true summer
Our first real true summer vacation was last year with me, DW, our bios and SS.
DW had a wonderful time. Bio-kids had a wonderful time. I had a wonderful time.
SS acted like this was just a regular trip to the park down the street.
There was absolutely no sense of "wonder" in his face which made me honestly start thinking if this kid appreciates ANYTHING in his life. Seriously, he was acting like he was just "going through the motions". So while DW and I do our best to arrange our travels around the tight custody schedule we have of SS, I am really concentrating on creating memories for me, DW and our bios. I couldn't give a rat's ass if SS has a good time or not. Believe me, I would love to go on vacation without SS, but that would make my DW miserable and she wouldn't have a good time, and consequently I wouldn't have a good time.
So really, bringing SS along is like bringing a complicated folding beach chair. It's a pain in the ass to lug along and set up, but once it's there and set up nicely, it makes my DW comfortable and happy.
I do not know what it feels
I do not know what it feels like to go on "vacation" without SD15. I have the joy of her presence at every f'ing outing we go on...whether it be a weekend at the beach, cabo or las Vegas. It is a room with 2 queen beds please. I'm the luckiest SM ever. NOT!! A vacation with just my bio??? Hmm NEVER but I get her still when BS15 is at his BF's. Love it!
In case you didn't notice...that was sarcasm! Sigh.
This is a GREAT idea!!! Thank
This is a GREAT idea!!! Thank you for your thoughts!!