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CPS is Coming

morrginme's picture

SD16's grandfather called CPS. First a sheriff showed up. I happened to be there when he showed up. He asked to speak with SD and I told him she was at a track meet. He asked when she would be home and I told him her father would go get her in a couple of hours. I asked him if he wanted me to get her dad so he can speak with him and he said no he would try to catch SD later or another day.

The next day (yesterday) DH tells me a CPS worker had left their business card on the front door. I told him to call them back. He did and they told him they had gotten a report about some "concerns" in our home. He said he could meet with them after work the next day (today). They said they would call him in the morning to confirm.

Even though we have nothing to hide I don't like CPS. They are totally corrupt in our state. We have a 44% higher removal rate of children from their homes in our state over the rest of the US. They usually go after families who don't know the law and can't afford to hire someone to fight them. They take your kids for any reason and make things up to support their reasons. They don't follow due process. They allow hearsay as evidence. They can interview your child without your permission and without notifying you first. They take kids when imminent danger or threat does not exist and put them into a foster home where the chance of your child being abused increases 70%. You would think they would release your child to a family member but that family member has to be cleared first and they take their time. Meanwhile I've seen first hand how they will release your child temporarily to a non family member without clearing them first. Many of their rules you think are there to protect kids but they use it to take kids away from good homes. They get federal and state funding with each of them paying CPS based on how many kids put into foster care and adopted out. Reunification and keeping child in the home is last on their priorities when it should be first. 

 

Comments

ndc's picture

I thought you and DD8 were moving out. If you haven't done so yet, this should give you the impetus to get the heck out. I'm sure grandpa called about the incident where your H put SD16 on the ground when she was trying to hit him.  Protect your child from CPS and remove yourself from this situation ASAP.

morrginme's picture

We did move to my moms. We are there now. We still stop by home only when SD is not there to grab things we need and let the dog out to go to the bathroom. Today DD is going to a friends house to play and I don't think CPS will bother her there. 

thinkthrice's picture

I REPEAT DO NOT GO BACK TO THAT HOUSE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!

SteppedOut's picture

Oh, CPS will want to talk to your daughter AND you. There is no escape. They will be most interested in the fact you and your daughter packed up amd left. 

ETA: You are still calling where your husband lives "home". Stop that. Stop making a bunch of trips to get things you need. When you move you are supposed to take the things you need. Make arrangements to move ALL of the stuff you need/is yours in ONE more trip. Done. This is not going to get better. You have to move FOR GOOD, or risk your daughter. 

morrginme's picture

No they took my sisters twins. Took her almost a year to get them back. Then they took them from my mom and put them in foster care again because they said my mom is too easily manipulated by my sister because my mom didnt check with CPS first to see if my sister could go with us to visit relatives and my sister hadn'r told them she was going. For that they took the twins in the middle of the night to a horrible home. They said my sister was using drugs but she wasn't. They would have her take a UA but give her the wrong address of where she had to do it or the wrong time then by default count her as dirty for not doing it. I know its true because I was with my sister giving her rides sometimes. They dud other things too and this is how they operate with the majority of their clients. They have internal reviews only of their practices and no one can keep track of all the cases they handle because they go to juvenile court and are sealed.

ndc's picture

It's crazy how differently CPS operates from state to state.  In my state, they bend over backwards to keep the kids with their birth families, often to the grave detriment of the children.  I have friends who are CASA volunteers and they cry over kids being constantly put back into dysfunctional, abusive homes when there are loving, good homes willing to take them.  Their mothers get chance after chance after chance after chance.  The CPS mission here is to keep families united.  Surely there must be a middle ground somewhere.

Petronella's picture

is already known to CPS. You don’t seem to be taking this seriously enough. Forget your husband, forget your SD. Forget the dog if you have to. Just stay away! 

notarelative's picture

 Then they took them from my mom and put them in foster care again because they said my mom is too easily manipulated by my sister because my mom didnt check with CPS first to see if my sister could go with us to visit relatives and my sister hadn'r told them she was going.

This is a definite violation of CPS rules. This type of violation most often ends with the removal of the child from the kin foster placement (your mom). So it should not be surprising that the child was moved.

 They said my sister was using drugs but she wasn't. They would have her take a UA but give her the wrong address of where she had to do it or the wrong time then by default count her as dirty for not doing it. I know its true because I was with my sister giving her rides sometimes. 

Did it ever cross your mind that your sister deliberately confused the date or the time so that you would not test "dirty"?

You know from family experience how hard it is to satisfy CPS. Think carefully about what you are doing and will do. Do what is best for you and your daughter. Make plans for your future. Do not do things that jeopardize your future.

 

morrginme's picture

I was standing there with her looking at the paper CPS had given her and it was not the correct address and another time it was a different place but they had her go there when it was closed. I was with her that time too.

Livingoutloud's picture

You could lose your child because your house could be deemed too volatile. Why do you worry about SD and DH? Worry about you child 

morrginme's picture

I worry and protect my child but I still worry about DH because he is my husband and I love him. These are one of those situations that the marriage has to not come first when it comes to protecting yourself or your children but I still worry about DH.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

your DH is a grown man who can take care of himself. Throw him to the wolves if it keeps your 8 year old with you. I would expect my DH to run the bus over me personally if it kept our kids out of dangerous foster care.

Your SD grandpa is a meddling old goat who should have talked with your DH as an adult. However, one poster mentioned “restraining her on the floor”. Perhaps grandpa thinks that your DH is throwing violent man baby tantrums and you aren’t mitigating the juvenile behavior. So he did what he could and tattled to real adults.

Stop being wishy washy, stop going to that house, stop making whiny excuses. Put on your big girl panties, cut ties immediately and keep your child safe.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Squelch that worry. He is a grown ass man that should have fixed this BS many years ago!

Livingoutloud's picture

You need to protect your child. He is a grown man and can take care of himself.

You already have family history of people not putting kids safety first. Your sister lost her children because she chose drugs over her kids and you are now choosing a man over your kid. Please learn that lesson. Don’t put this man ahead of your child’s safety or you’ll lose her 

Cooooookies's picture

Get out before they come and take your DD with you.  You guys have nothing to do with it and I'd hate to see her taken away just because she lives there.  Please pack two bags and run until this is settled and done.

morrginme's picture

I packed and ran but they often see that as a sign of guilt as well. They condemn you if you stay in the situation and condemn you for running as a sign of guilt. They even say having you child involved in extracurricular activities is also a sign that you are trying hide abuse by keeping the child away as much as possible.

Petronella's picture

If CPS interviews you, tell them the truth. How is leaving a bad sign? It’s usually the first thing that CPS expects you to do: remove your child from the unsafe home. How is it an admission of guilt? Are you worried that your SD will accuse you of being violent?

Extracurriculars are not a red flag, where are you getting that from? If anything, keeping a child isolated in the home is the bad sign. You’d do better to enrol your daughter in school. 

If your mom is easily manipulated, get an apartment for just you and your daughter. 

Stop being paranoid about the wrong things.

secret's picture

You can just tell them that since SD is so violent that her father had to restrain her to defend himself, that you felt it best at this time to remove your daughter and dog from SD's vicinity, though you're sad to have to leave your DH to deal with his daughter's lies on his own.

Tell them about the manipulation, the lies, the stash, her behavior.. and that despite trying to cope with it, you're done with it and moving on from HER.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

How do you hide abuse by allowing your child to be unsupervised around many other adults, most of whom are probably mandated reporters? 

Powerfamily's picture

Get the H3ll out of dodge.

Don't risk your DD due to him and BM have not parented their child.

 

2nd wives club's picture

Sounds like SD has been crying on Grandpa's shoulder. Is grandpa mad about her stash disappearing too?

 

morrginme's picture

He doesnt know about that but it probably wouldnt matter to him. After careful prayer he believes CPS will figure it all out for the best.

thinkthrice's picture

CPS is anti-father and basically an instrument for harrassing dads.   REAL child abuse goes uninvestigated and unpunished as it is too dangerous and often politically incorrect to follow up on.   They go for the low hanging fruit AND most of the CPS caseworkers are GUBMs themselves!!

shamds's picture

They’ve been dumped by their men and therefore taking out revenge on all men and other families?? Oh dear lord!! I feel so lucky shit like this isn’t going on in my country but feel so bad for those of you dealing/have dealt with this

Disneyfan's picture

Don't believe that foolishness.  While CPS has flaws, the social workers bust their asses to keep kids safe.

Thanks to CPS, one year we found out one of my students was being molested by her older cousin.  The girls had been removed from mom and placed with family due to her drug use.  She was required to give a urine sample each week.  Well, one week her sample revealed that she had gonorrhea.  

She admitted to her case worker thst she was still using and had submitted her daughter's urine.  The daughter told the workers that her cousin was the abuser.

The child was FIVE YEARS OLD.

I have had students removed from their mothers due to the physical abuse the MOTHERS were receiving.

Petronella's picture

for a welcome note of sanity! This anti-CPS hysteria is ridiculous.

Disneyfan's picture

"They can interview your child without your permission and without notifying you first." 

This is a GOOD thing. It prevents abusers from coaching kinds or hiding them.

 I suggest you move out of that house NOW.  CPS is not in the habit of pulling one kid from a home and leaving another.  If one goes, they all go.

notsofast's picture

I don't know what state you are in, but you have a lot of paranoia about CPS.  OTOH if you have these concerns I would make this whole mess not your problem because you and your child do not live there, will not live there and don't have anything to do with him or her.  If you don't want CPS in your life, don't give them a reason to be.  CPS wasn't called on you.  It isn't your battle.

thinkthrice's picture

she WILL be involved and HER children will be subject to the shitshow.   There's a real chance of her losing custody of her children.  I know.  Have been through this with the Girhippo who WAS a CPS worker at the time she made a report against us for Chef DARING to put SD in timeout.    She should move out post haste and take her children with her but it's probably too late now.  The skids in my case admitted "Mommy made Daddy look like a Monster" and "we lied to make Mommy happy."

The CPS worker in our county (one county over from Girhippoville) said "we have to side with the children" (who lied to make mommy happy)   The allegations were OUTRAGEOUS!  I got them overturned after about almost a years worth of paperwork and BOY WAS THE GIRHIPPO ENRAGED about THAT!    But not before significant damage was done.  Chef was put directly on the NYS Child Abuse and Maltreatment Registry without giving us a chance to refute the charges by sending us a copy (clerical mistake doncha know, wink wink from the Gir)

notsofast's picture

Her last blog post says she has moved out,  She says in a followup comment on this post she is living with her Mother.  So no, CPS won't be near her kids.  They live in another home, unless she's moved back in and is lying.

When children lie for Mom, that's called parental alienation and yes, CPS is going to believe the children.

Her DH is in trouble here, not the OP.

thinkthrice's picture

moved out or not the CPS will hunt down OP and interview her and her children.

Disneyfan's picture

I hope RED states are as proactive about keeping their children safe.

The OP, her daughter and her daughter's teacher may all be interviewed.  THAT IS A GOOD THING.  

Hopefully, the OP moved out before CPS got involved.  

Goodluck's picture

CPS will question everyone living  inside the home prior to move out. They will track her down. AND her child.

 

thinkthrice's picture

as FAST and as FAR away from this shit as you can!! You will end up losing your own children!  I thank god every day that my own children were grown at out of the house when the Girhippo, WHO WAS A CPS WORKER AT THE TIME, called CPS on Chef and me for Chef DARING to put his darling precious SD in timeout for kicking her brother, YSS in the face!!

The CPS here is CORRUPT as the day is long here as well; just the fact that:

1.  the CPS administrator who is best buddies with the Gir (that's how the Gir became a CPS worker herself) SET HER  OWN HOUSE ON FIRE AND THEN LIED ABOUT CHILD ABUSE AGAINST HER THEN HUSBAND

https://www.fltimes.com/news/woman-found-guilty-of-arson/article_fcb2a34...

 

2. the fact that the Gir, who is the worst mother this side of Rochester NY was made a CPS worker

shows that it is SOOOOOOO corrupt. 

thinkthrice's picture

We have a notorious drunk judge who violated every.rule.in.the.book; was on PAID leave doing nothing (189K a year for two years) and now is running for city counsel.  Her stupid constituents will vote for her too as she plays herself as "oppressed."  I would love to be that "oppressed."

24 years as a SM's picture

I know that you're at staying at your mothers house, but think of it this way: Your sisters kids were taken from your mother, due to not following the CPS rules, do you think that CPS doesn't have your mom's address? If CPS is that bad in your area, you need to get the HELL out of the area, until this shitshow plays out. If you have any relatives that live out of the area, that could take you and your DD in for a while. DO IT. GET THE HELL OUT OF THE AREA.

Petronella's picture

wavering... I wouldn’t put it past the OPs husband to reach out to grandma to try to get her on his side. 

I predict this OP will end up deciding to “give him another chance.”

Simpleton21's picture

Doesn't sound like she ever stopped giving him a chance.  Based on OP's responses she is basically still going there daily to "get stuff and let the dog out".  She is making every excuse in the book to stay connected and justify not running for the hills when she should.  You cannot convince someone that isn't ready to leave to leave someone.  We are a bunch of internet strangers and even though the advice is good she is still making excuses for DH and acting helpless.  

OP I am not trying to bash you.  I know it is hard to leave someone you care about but at some point your daughter's safety has got to take precedence over your DH and his crappy parenting of his first daughter that is now spiraling out of control.  That is his problem not yours.  Protecting your daughter is on you.  

notarelative's picture

CPS will most likely show up at your mom’s house to talk to you. If they interview your daughter, it will most likely take place at school. Answer the questions honestly. Don’t volunteer extraneous information.

Listen carefully to what they say. If they say to keep DD away for a while, do it. Don’t have any contact they tell you not to have. You saw the result of non approved contact with your mom. Learn from the experience. 

If CPS tells you something, do not let your mom, or sister, or DH tell you something else or that you can do it and CPS won’t find out. They will find out and you probably will not like the consequences imposed. Remember your daughter comes first. 

 

bananaseedo's picture

I think she should leave and stay gone yes, she doesn't have to divorce her husband though.  People here are so pro divorce it's scary.  That said, they probably should live apart until the SD is of age to be on her own and out of their lives.

Livingoutloud's picture

I’d go to domestic abuse shelter. Even if DH isn’t abusing you, the household is abusive and unsafe. They might help you to get a subsidized or some other type of housing. Staying with mom might not be the best as CPS took kids from her before.