My Stepdad... my friend.
Hey there S-talkers… long time no post! I’ve been popping in checking on everyone when I can but I’ve really not had a chance to write. Things have been chugging along as per usual… DH is still struggling to find work, Mother Russia is still drifting at sea trying to “find herself” while putting forth a half-assed attempt at motherhood, the boys are normal, healthy boys… and I’m still “faking it till I make it” in regards to living in a new city that I hate.
What I’m writing about today is a disturbing comment my own mother threw at me the other night that I haven’t quite been able to swallow yet… it involves my stepfather.
My mom and step dad have been together since I was 6 years old (my dad was an alcoholic who was in and out of my life till he died when I was in high school), we’ve had what I considered a “normal” step-relationship, really I’ve come to consider it above average because we’re terrific friends now and in truth I consider him my “father” since he was the one who raised me, taught me right from wrong (not to mention such colorful anecdotes as what substances to try out in college and what ones to avoid at all costs! He’s a trip!) and who was always there for me. Always. Even when I pushed him away the most. I love the guy…
Well he and my mom are falling on hard times. They’re still “together” in the sense that they own and run a business together, still live in the same home together, still have dogs and friends and family… but they’re “marriage” seems to be falling apart. And it’s breaking my heart. They have been the bedrock of my belief that a relationship CAN work no matter what life throws at you. That someone CAN make it in this world… and it’s positively killing me to see it crumbling before my eyes.
And what really kicked me in the jimmy was what my mom said in regards to my step dad and I… she was ranting on about something that one of her friends kids are going through, that their son was in trouble with the law and the dad wanted to help the kid and the mom wanted to let him sort it out on his own (he’s 25 year old) and the couple is torn on the issue. I said, “well what if it was me, how would you and Stepdad handle it?” and she said “that’s different… you’re MY daughter… Stepdad was never your FATHER… he was your friend, but never your father…”
And all I could think was, “well… I always kinda thought he was.”
And it led me down a depressing rabbit hole of truth… no matter how much we as steps try, and no matter how accepting the “kids” in the situation are of us and our roll in their lives… we’re never going to be their “parent”. They can love us… we can be their friend apparently… but that’s about it. How sad.
Anyway… hope you’re all well… I think about you guys even when I’m away… *hugs*