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Fml with a Ss and a mean SO

Momof2and22's picture

So lol this is gonna be long af!

I have two kids ages six and three. I also have a Ss age 10. Me and my SO have been together for five years now. We've lived together almost five years also. His sons mother really doesn't have shit to do with him unless it's on her time over the weekend and she doesn't have anything more important than her own child. I stay at home, my So works all day during the week so I'm the one who's watching the kids... even when my So is home, I'm still the only one watching the kids. Well I just CAN'T STAND my Ss, mostly because he has attitude and doesn't have to mind anything unless his daddy isn't home. He knows when daddy comes home he can do whatever he wants because daddy doesn't have rules and if I say anything to him his daddy will bite my head off. SO comes home from work and lays in the bed while playing the game. I don't let my kids hang out in my room because it's the only personal space I have to feel at home... cause Ss runs the rest of the house. Well when his daddy plays the game Ss comes in and sits on our bed annoyingly af knowing I don't let them in my room, but daddy is home so rules don't apply. Even if I tell my two kids to go play So still lets brat sit awkwardly on the bed while my heart beats out of my chest from stress! I don't have a car, I don't have a license, I don't have a job, I don't have money! So I'm stuck... I have no way to even get my license since I have three kids 24/7. I want out of this relationship. I want to leave but my So is the biological father of my 3 year old. My So is also very emotionally abusive. He yells at me daily, he will just get mad out of nowhere and I sit and say nothing because I'm tired of arguing. Ten minutes later he will apologize and if I don't accept the apology he starts yelling again. Any ideas on how to get away? I can't get a apartment because my So and I owe money from a past apartment and I'm broke. 


Aunt Agatha's picture

Call a local woman's shelter (away from your home) to learn what help and options are available for you.

If you can't leave immediately, at least you can work on a plan to get out.

Im so sorry for your pain.  You deserve better.

Momof2and22's picture

I'm scared of doing that because I don't want my SO to get in trouble. Like he doesn't hit me or anything but what will happen? I just want to be happy and my children deserve the world. I grew up in a household where physical and emotional abuse happened daily, I have depression and anxiety because of this also. I just don't want my kids to grow up thinking this is ok. I'm honestly emotional because I didn't think anyone would actually reply to this. Thank you 

Winterglow's picture

He's not going to get into any kind of trouble. It's a women's shelter, not the police. You're looking for a solution for you not trying to have him arrested.

Momof2and22's picture

Ok, thank you. I'll definitely be calling around this week. It just sucks when he loves me one minute and tricks my feelings and the next he hates my guts but I still love him. My kids come first though and I just want them to be happy more than anything in the world. My six year old daughter said she would rather do without Christmas than stay here. 

hereiam's picture

Please research all of the available resources in your area to help you get out of this situation. You and your kids deserve better.

Try calling 211.

Momof2and22's picture

Thank you. I've looked and looked online and there really isn't anything around me. I'm scared of going somewhere I don't know. I want to stay around my mom but she doesn't have much either or I would live with her. She literally doesn't have any electric or running water.  I just feel like there is no hope of me getting out of this mess. 

ndc's picture

There should be resources.  For instance,  my county has a health and human services department.  That's where one would go to sign up for Medicaid, WIC, foodstamps, TANF, job assistance, child care assistance, etc.  The people in that office would be able to refer one to places that could help.  Do you have something similar in your area?  If your mother is living in a situation with no electricity or running water (where does she live?) maybe the two of you could go in together on an apartment.  Don't assume that you won't be able to get an apartment - people with evictions and less than stellar credit get apartments.  They might not be the most desirable apartments, but they find places to live.

What kind of job skills do you have?  Do you live in an area with public transportation, since you don't drive?  Does your mother drive?  Do you belong to a church, or is there a church in your area where you might go for help?  

Momof2and22's picture

We do have a health and human services department. And no my mom lost her license and doesn't have a vehicle either. I have family that could help me but they won't. I currently don't attend a church, I just stay home and read my bible, if there was a church within walking distance I would go every day they had church. I love God and Church makes me feel something good inside, not just this empty hole. I feel like if I could even go to church my life would be miraculously so much more joyous. Thank you for giving me advice. I will try the family services building. 

Momof2and22's picture

It feels like emotional abuse for sure. Cause I can be happy one minute and then he comes home and I instantly feel my stomach turn knowing he's going to start screaming about something any minute. I went out with a friend yesterday and when I got back he asked me what we ate, I said "Taco bell" and he said "I can see that Taco Bell pushing that belly out" I just kinda felt empty because he calls me fat all of the time so he wasn't just trying to be cute or anything. He could tell I was upset and he made me kiss him until he felt I did it right. Idk why I'm saying all of this, it just feels better to let it out.

Winterglow's picture

How can you bear to be anywhere near someone who considers you to be an inferior being? Where is your self-respect?

Momof2and22's picture

It's hard to have self respect when someone puts you down every single day. I've never hated anyone more than I hate myself. I feel fat and ugly, I feel like nobody else will ever want me, they may act like it but it's just to get something from me. Do people even exist that don't yell? Is there actually nice men in this world? I like women too but my family doesn't like the idea of that. I'm scared to ever be in another relationship with a man.