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jlshipman's picture

Hello to everyone,

Im totally new to this group and I have been dealing with a lot on my own for to long. I was married for 26 years and have 4 children with that same man. We divorced and I got remarried in 2016 to which I gained a stepson. He has been a difficult child from very beginning. Calling me names , hating me for ruining his life. Etc We did counseling and moved to a area he loved. Things were slowly getting better . He is now 14 and 6ft taller then his dad. Withdrawn and failing all his classes. Got him on medication and help from school . He is totally into his gaming. His father works three days 3-11pm and two day 7-3pm. For the last month and half he was staying at our home some of the time since his mom lives in same town he was 1 week us 1 week his moms. But he got upset with his mom and stepdad so he would just stay with us. I knew it wasn't good but I dealt. He loses his anger very fast and gets very very upset to where he throws things and screams and yells. Yesterday was a change of events. I was in our den with my husband his dad watching tv. He came in yelling where is it ! ! Over and over I had no clue what he was talking about . He was missing his computer mouse. He blamed me said I took it . His anger built higher and higher . He mouthed off to his dad .  Dad works for the state with troubled kids. His son got violent he restrained him for 10-15 mins. To which I was out of site he gets away from his dad and comes after me running downstairs to find me yelling he hated me wished I was dead.  Gets to me and starts pushing me up against our front door and kicking me . His father grabs him again. And takes him to a different room. I'm on the phone with his mom/stepdad who is a cop. I call 911 and run upstairs to our bedroom lock the door. Talk to operator again he comes after me yelling kicking and punching the door. But can't get in. Cops come his stepdad comes and charges are pressed. He goes home to his moms house.  I have been a nervous reck, can't sleep , eat , emotional. Scared to be home alone when my husband has to work at night. This is the worst thing I have ever had happen. I worry my husband will stop loving me , we have so much ahead of us to deal with this. CY is involved for his son to get help . So I'm sharing my nightmare with all of you for words of encouragement and wisdom and that I'm not alone in this . 


24 years as a SM's picture

You have every right to be afraid. tell you DH that SS is not to come anywhere near the house, until he gets some kind of mental help. You should be more worried about your own safety, than if your DH will stop loving you. SS should not have been release to his BM, his ass should be sitting in juvie or a mental facility to have a evaluation done of him.

ndc's picture

I would be inclined to get a restraining order against him - that keeps him out of your home, so your DH would have to see him outside of the home, BM can't drop him off at your house, etc.  The kid needs help, and I would not want to be anywhere near him until he gets that help.  Obviously your husband can't protect you from this kid in your home, as demonstrated by what actually happened.  You need to consider your safety first.

Monkeysee's picture

I agree on the restraining order & changing the locks, do everything you can to keep this kid out of your house & away from you & your kids until he’s been in therapy & starts making changes in his behaviour. You should never feel afraid in your own home or worry about your DH not loving you anymore for protecting yourself. I’m glad you pressed charges as well, that was the right call. 

Kes's picture

I agree with the previous posts, particularly ExcellenceToolkit - do not ever let this boy come near you again.  At 14 he is pretty much full grown and could do you serious harm if he tries.  Personally, I would never let him near me again whether he gets help or not.  Once someone has attacked me physically, that would be the last chance they get. 

susanm's picture

Good for you for pressing charges.  Freaking out like that over a computer mouse?  This kid has obvious issues and needs to be kept away from you until you are very comfortable that there will be nothing further happening.  I agree on the restraining order that will prevent him from entering your home.  Too often the father will agree in the moment to visit with the child elsewhere but in a matter of weeks will start pressuring to bring them back because "they are sorry and have changed."  No one changes that kind of violent behavior quickly.  It is just that the parent is desperate to believe that their child is not "damaged" and wants everything to go back to normal.  A restraining order prevents that from happening and keeps you from being pressured on a regular basis.

BTW - your posting name sounds like a real name.  If it is, you should probably change it to make sure that you keep your anonimity.  Smile

tog redux's picture

If your husband stops loving you because you set boundaries on being attacked in your own home, then he never loved you to begin with. He should be horrified at his son's behavior and want to protect you from him.  Please do get a restraining order and follow through with charges.

His son needs psychiatric help, clearly.  Maybe this will be the impetus for everyone to realize that and get him that help.

beebeel's picture

I would be pleasantly surprised if they let you take an RO/OFP against him, but I've never seen the authorities take a violent 14 year old very seriously unless they put someone in the hospital. 

However, you don't need legal protection to draw a firm boundary with your husband: he's sees his son outside the home and away from you and your kids indefinitely.