You are here


MommaLlama13's picture

SD7 had a great 2 weeks. She was actually trying to make it to the toilet during the day, wasn't lying, was being nice to her brother (SS6) and sister (DD6), and for some reason - she didn't hate me! It was like having the sweet girl back. The kids had off from school, and I was able to take off to do fun things with the 3 of them. She wasn't waking up clean, but given everything else we've been dealing with, that was nothing! It was so nice to have a pleasant household for the first time in over a year...and then she went with SS6 and her grandmom (BM's mom) for the weekend.

Grandmom had promised a vacation for months, but BM got upset because she wanted the kids for the weekend instead. GMom canceled her plans so they could go spend time with their BM. BM turned around and said "no, I don't want them now", so Gmom took the kids for the weekend after all. They went to a movie, but didn't do much else, because SD7 wouldn't keep her pants clean again.

Moral of the story, SD7 wants her BM. BM isn't reliable. Things with SD7 have been awful. She constantly acts out because she wants her mom - I get it. I try to be patient with her, but she literally picks fights with everyone about anything and everything. She only tends to be happy when everyone else is miserable. **yes we do have her in therapy** When SD7 doesn't get what she wants, she will poop or pee in her pants. With the exception of the two weeks mentioned above, she will have upwards of 4 to 5 "accidents" in a day. It puts a strain on everyone in the family. DH tries to talk to her, but she just keeps saying she wants her mom (we have primary because BM isn't reliable).

BM decided that she wants to take SD7 for the summer, because according to her, we're not taking care of her emotional well-being. She doesn't want SS6, however. Financially and mentally, the break would be amazing (I'm sorry - I know that sounds terrible), but it would be nice to go out and do stuff as a family and not have to worry about a million changes of clothes, or the embarrassment from the smell, because SD7 will sit in it and not tell anyone. DH thinks this will help SD7 realize just how easy and awesome she has it with us. Yes we have rules and expectations, but if you do what you're expected to do, we do a ton of fun things. Whereas BM has no rules, but is also content with doing nothing every day.

BM wants her, DH thinks it'll help, and yet I think it'll only get worse. Every time she goes to her mom, she comes back worse than before. I think SS6 is going to get super upset that his sister is going and he isn't, and that his BM doesn't want him. I think my DD6 is going to get upset thinking that if she acts out, we'll send her away too. I also think my DH is not going to handle this well at all. Not to mention, BM has NEVER had her daughter for more than 4 days at a time. I don't think she is going to last an entire summer, so what happens when SD7 gets sent back home? She's going to think BM doesn't want her, not to mention DH already unenrolled her from summer camp (and there was a waiting list, so the spot is gone). Although the break sounds wonderful, I have a feeling this is just the beginning...

Am I being irrational? I know I don't have a say in this, but with DH and his crazy work schedule, the repercussions are going to fall onto me.


sunshinex's picture

Oh wow. Ok. I wouldn't send one kid to BM but not the other. That, for me, would be a HUGE dealbreaker. Not fair at all to the other kid who will wonder why his mother doesn't want him. I think that'd be a dealbreaker for the courts, too, wouldn't it? Someone else can comment on that because I'm not certain. But I feel if a biological parent only wants to take one of their kids and not the others, the courts would side with you that no visitation should be taken then. 

MommaLlama13's picture

This is exactly how I feel. SS6 and my DD6 are super close and BM knows that. SS6 is also really close with my DH. BM is saying that she will take him every other weekend, but that SS6 needs his dad and SD7 need her mom. 

I'm just over here, both kids need both parents... I've tried talking to my DH about it, but he is thoroughly convinced that this will "fix" everything...

MommaLlama13's picture

There's one, but it's super outdated (It's from when she lived on the west coast and we're on the east coast). It's usually us begging her to spend time with her kids. She talks a big game, but by the end of the 4th day, she: has to work, doesn't have money, her car broke down, she just drops them off on the doorstep, etc. That's if she even bothers to show up to pick them up. We try to be accomodating so they get to see her, but it's been like this for the last 4 years that i've been in the picture. Before that, she would just up and leave the kids with DH and disappear for months on end.