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Is it Me?

simifan's picture

Long story short - Dh has primary custody of SD16 since BM moved 800 miles away, 6 years ago. SD goes to see maternal grandmother while she is here, through us as BM is 800 miles away and we are 10 or so from grandmom. Grandmom has always been active in SD life & they are close. Grandmom and I have always gotten along fairly well; DH does not like maternal grandmom.

About 9 months ago, DH & I had an issue with Grandma lying to us to "protect SD". I spoke to her about it, we resolved it (Keep in mind DH's response was she could go to He!!). BM calls DH angry that I spoke to maternal grandmom instead of dad. I agreed that mom is the parent if that's what she wants - that's what she gets. I spoke to maternal grandmom once since then to explain that her daughter insisted all communication go through Dad - remember Dad the one that wants grandmom to go to he!!?

Fast forward - SD went for a visit to maternal grandmoms. She came home quite upset - maternal grandmom didn't know anything about her medical issues (SD has some female issues going on). I told her remember Mom doesn't was me talking to grandmom anymore - she has to talk to dad.

So yesterday - BM calls DH and blasts him out for SD, 16 mind you, knowing she does not want me to speak to grandmom. Just what does she expect us to say? Does she really think SD wouldn't notice? Is it me?


NCMilGal's picture

Oh, for pity's sake.

Your SD is old enough to know that her mother is being unreasonable - or at least to be presented with the facts (BM doesn't want SM talking to GM) and come to that conclusion herself.

SD15 knows that I will never voluntarily have anything to do with BM. I don't bad-mouth BM, and in fact tend to stick up for her when SD15 has "it's not faaaaaiiiir!!" moments. It hasn't hurt our relationship any. SD15 knows how her mother is - I secretly suspect she's a little jealous that I can choose to disengage. SD15 is not at the point where she can walk away from her mother yet.