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Stupid stupid BM, when will you get a clue?

MidwestStepmom's picture

Well on my last few entires I talked about BM and ss14 basketball practice + horrible grades.

Recap: before holiday, BM texted DH saying ss had practice on DH scheduled time (we live 3 hours away from half way point drop off). DH and I got into an argument over this because ss14 grades are C's and D's. DH gave BM the option to meet Saturday morning to drop off so ss could still attend practice. BM refused and got upset that DH didn't magically read her mind and have ss stay with DH family that live in the area. Turns out ss didn't even have after school practice, it was morning practice that they missed because BM/BM-DH are not willing to take ss to any morning practices because they have 4 other children. All in all we both agree that BM didn't want to pay for the gas to bring ss and was looking for an easy way out.

2 weeks ago - BM decided she was changing the weekend rotation for EOW visits.

Last weekend - BM texted DH that ss has practice on Friday. DH tells BM that ss will have to miss. Ss has C's and D's plus missing assignments. Find out that ss didn't even go to school that day because BM-DH had appointments scheduled and didn't want to make round trips to pick ss up from school.

Tonight - BM texts DH that ss has basketball practice this coming Friday. DH tells her ss will have to miss because we cannot trust anything she says and ss grades are bad. She responds that he had a tournament the following weekend he is due with us and "He will not miss it". DH responds that she cannot dictate how he spends his time and points out that if she didn't switch the rotation around this wouldn't be a problem.


This has been my life for 9 years.... At first DH was very much accommodating to BM and swap any weekend she wanted and sucked it up when it was time for a weekend "payback" and he would never get it. It's going to be really interesting to see how everything goes down on mothers day weekend. BM made the decision to change weekend rotation and told DH to file contempt charges if he pleases. She quoted what her non exiting "lawyer" aka internet told her she could do. She didn't think ahead to see that she would be missing out on Mother's Day or ss birthday.

I could careless if ss is here. Over the years his attitude has become manipulative and disgusting, so I would prefer he isn't here. I see the hurt in DH eyes when I say this, so I keep it to myself as long as it doesn't impact my household plans or my BS2.


notsobad's picture

Both my skids went to Uni on Bball scholarships, DH was a coach for SS(now 24) in HS.

Get in touch with the coach, ask him to email DH the practice and game schedule. Even in HS most coaches require a high gpa in order to play and will get tutoring for kids. Cultivate a relationship with the coach so that you know the truth about what is happening.

Don't rely on BM to tell you the truth about games and practices.

lintini's picture

I guess you only have a few more months of basketball then since he most likely won't end up on the high school team with a piss poor GPA.

We go through the same crud, living 3 hours away and dealing with the practices, clinics and tournaments. Having to stay at the inlaws house for the weekend so SS14 can go to all his things and so we don't 5-6 hours in the car Saturday and Sunday.

The latest drama now is that SS14 isn't getting any play time because of his entitled behavior and piss pour attitude. I do not know what his grades look like. SS14 was bawling over Xmas break while he was here because his coach called a practice the day before and DH actually said, "No, you on on winter vacation and we do not live near you and I am not taking you since this is so last minute."

Apparently for the next several weeks, SS14 has been using "missing the last minute scheduled practice" as the reason why he is getting no play time and benched the entire game or getting 1 min play time for the entire game. I guess BM forgot about her chat with the coach as to why her baby isn't getting play time, and told her he doesn't apply himself and has a bad attitude. Oh well..... DH of course snubbed off that statement. It just can't be true!!!

Is your SS14 getting into any trouble since he isn't able to make all practices due to his dad living 3 hours away? I wish my DH said no more often to this craziness. It would be one thing if it was one team.....but no.

RayRay's picture

BM will always do something to try and make your life harder. Scheduling conflicts are definitely part of their agenda. I constantly have to remind DH that we will not change our schedule or plans to accommodate her lack of skills at coordinating the visitation. Luckily, our BM doesn't get to see the kids but every other Sunday for a few hours. Still she tries to alter this simple schedule.