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My own BM issues

MidwestStepmom's picture

It's been over a year since my last entry, I seem to come here only when there is active family drama in my life.

BS is now 3. My mom and grandparents live in the sourthern states and we live in the northern states. They all moved down there about 3.5 years ago. My mom basically followed her parents, but she talks about how much she dislikes them. This was the beginning to our newest issue, she moved away when I was just a few month pregnant but she hates the people and had no career, just picked up and left. Our family dynamic is very rocky, my grandma is a know-it-all and loves to gossip, even if it's about her own kids. My mom loves attention and plays the victim card any chance she can get.

My grandparents are snow birds and drive up here every summer. The route they take literally takes them a mile away from my house. They made plans to stop and see my cousin on their way in, they live about 30 minutes away on the same route. But for the past three years they haven't made any effort to come and visit BS.

My mom flys home a few times a year. She always flys into the town my sister resides (4 hours away) and stays with her. At he last minute she will complain about the amount of effort it takes to find a car and come see us. We have a major airport in our city and the flights are half the price. The trend of her visit is she will come for 20 days, she stayed 4 at my house and the rest at my sisters. My son is her only grandchild. My grandparents are butt hurt because I removed my uncle from Facebook (he molested my sister many years ago), my family tries to sweep this stuff under the rug but I will not.

She is flying home next week for a funeral. This has cause a fight between us. My bothers girlfriend was pregnant and delivered a stillborn. My mom and grandma had taken to Facebook looking for sympathy. During this whole pregnancy my mom met the GF once and my grandparents never met her. They also have been very vocal how they "can't accept this baby" until there is a paternity test done. So my mom is flying home for a funeral of a baby she wasn't claiming, took to Facebook to get sympathy, and didn't even reach out to see if she could see BS3. I am not welcomed at this funeral as this is my half brother and his dad is putting on the event, his dad hates me for reporting him to SSI for fraud and it was found true so his benefits were revoked with a fine.

Now don't think I am heartless, I feel horrible that a baby lost its life. It's the other actions jay has been leading up to this. If my family only wants a small amount of interaction with BS then fine. But they make a big show of it on Facebook every time they do anything for BS. My mom thinks she deserves grandma of the year award. But she isn't willing to learn how to FaceTime to visit with BS., she doesn't even call him. Last she was here, he had an event at his preschool, that's when she stayed with my sister.

I'm just frustrated. I literally have no family because I can't stand to be around them and their hypocritical ways.


Stepped in what momma's picture

If you have no expectations then no one has to meet them.

Have you considered disengaging from your family altogether?

MidwestStepmom's picture

I slowly have been over the past few years. I cut off all communication with my birth father, I had only met him a few years prior. I cut out my ex step dad (raised me since I was one), his wife, and her kids. I've cut out a lot of people, but for some reason it has been the hardest to cut off my mom. Even though she has probably hurt me the most and my life was based on her decisions.

furkidsforme's picture

Maybe they just aren't that into him? I'm not trying to be rude. I just am one of those adults who is really not interested in other people's kids- not even relatives. I can't even tell my 3 nephews apart. I know the 3 names, not even sure who is who.

MidwestStepmom's picture

I'm fine if my mom just isn't into BS3. What I am not fine with is that she talks angling game on Facebook and the entire family on how envolved she is with him. BS3 had maybe met her 5 times for short few day visits.

I told her I needed space, now she is playing the victim card about how I am keeping her from seeing BS3

notsobad's picture

You do have family. You have DH and BS. Be the best wife and Mom that you can be.

I would guess that they stay away from you because you don't give them any good gossip or anything to complain about. Be thankful for that.
When they bypass you just tell them how sorry you are that they can't stop. Maybe next time?

Concentrate on your little family, create new traditions and enjoy life.