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More morbid content -- Funerals cont.

Mercury's picture

So apparently I'm not the only one who has thought about what would happen if DH died and BM tried to crash the funeral or if BM died and DH went, but WHAT IF....

BM and a skid both died at the same time? :O

Yes, I've even gone this far with it in my own head.

Just to be clear about where I'm coming from on this (ie, BM is not a civilized human being and has never acted appropriately in public situations), I'm in the camp that says 1) BM will most definitely be banned from DH's funeral and 2) I would probably leave DH if he set foot in a place where people were "paying respects" to that miserable whore.

But what if BM and a skid were in a terrible accident and BOTH died? What would you want your DH to do? I have NEVER even come close to eluding to the death of one of his children to him so I've never asked him about this one (the other two scenarios, yes). As far as I am concerned DH, as the parent, would be responsible for making arrangements for his child but I would have a very hard time if those arrangements included the whore too. I know in normal situations of this sort, it would just be a given that a parent would be grieved and buried with the child but we aren't talking about a normal parent here. It's BM.

I would have to say that DH covers the skid's funeral but BM's clan is on their own with everything else and the two events have to be separate. I'm sure BM's church would have a mother/child service but whatever, we wouldn't be there for that.

As I typed this, I also thought of another scenario: DH and a skid die at the same time. Head spinning.


positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Re: crying

Steplife has made me so damned hard inside I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to cry no matter who died.

That is how completely shut down I've become.

Also don't want to give anyone at all any kind of satisfaction in witnessing any kind of pain I might have.

I really worry about this sometimes. It makes me feel like some kind of low grade psychopath.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

No I'm not seeing anyone. Reading this forum has helped me far more than a shrink who probably has no idea about stepland and personality disorders would.

I don't want to give DH anything he can use against me. Emotionally unstable?

My daughter will be utterly wrecked if he divorced me and gained full custody.

The divorce part our daughter would probably be happy about. DH having full custody or court mandated visitation not so much.

DH once threatened to call CPS on me because I overslept when I was sick.

He doesn't care who gets hurt or how low he has to go his main objective is a scorched earth policy of winning.

Mercury's picture

This is kind of what I was hitting on. It would be really hard for me to draw lines between black and white when DH would be absolutely destroyed over the loss of a child. I really think he would just kind of stumble along for the ride and let anyone else work out the details for him if they were willing and took charge of it. So we would probably end up with one service. :/

princessmofo's picture

I thought I was the only one that had these thoughts. It's actually a comfort to know other people imagine these scenarios.

Mercury's picture

Step life has changed us in ways we never would have expected. I don't think I ever thought like this before being introduced to DH's circus of BM and skid drama.

KiFire's picture

This is one of those scenarios where I'd do nothing but follow FDHs lead. If he had no issue, then I will have no issues (outwardly at least) I will keep to myself and ignore her family. I don't think funerals are the time for pissing contests.. SD has a sister and a step-father and BM pawns her off on the GBM and GGBM so they've been a big part of SDs life too. I see the sense in having these things done together, services together and whatnot, perhaps plots next to each other, but separate headstones, we will pay for SDs.


If FDH had an issue with those arrangements I would be the hard-ass crazy bitch he needed me to be to keep the services separate. the last thing he needs while mourning is someone giving him shit. I already had to deal with BM when FDHs father died, and I will fight her family if god-forbid I ever have to. I think funerals are not the time for fights but if it was bothering him so much that he said something to me, I'd do what needed doing.

QueenBeau's picture

Separate services. BM is broke and I doubt she has life insurance so she probably wouldn't have a funeral anyway. We would have a nice ceremony for sd and of course let BM family know when and where it was.

Anon2009's picture

Idk what would happen if this happened to us. Honestly, I'd leave it up to dh and BMs folks (they get along) but offer to help in any way necessary. If they had a service for both, I'd go. To me it's no use putting up a fight in that situation. Nor is that situation a time to fight.