Terrible children -- when do you just give up and walk away?
I didn't want to hijack the driver's permit blog but someone's post made me reflect on this question.
Internal_Combustion wrote: "He probably realizes [that she is using him], but she is his daughter and he doesn't care. Just wants to see her. I was an awful teenage girl, and my dad still wanted to see me. Go figure..."
We were all awful children to a certain degree. We all said and did things that were completely out of line, disrespectful, or just plain bad. It's just that I don't think my bad behavior DEFINED my relationship with my parents. For instance, I would have terrible fights with my dad, but I knew that he loved me, I knew that he was there for me, I knew I was living in his house and the only way to make my own rules was to just get my own place...which I did as soon as I turned 18.
But what about some of these skids? My DH's daughter is just horrible. She told him that she wanted nothing to do with him or me last year and started refusing visitation. She also ignores his texts and emails. He doesn't blow up her phone, just once a week or so he sends a 1 line text asking her how her week was, when and where her track meets were going to be so he could attend, tells her that he loves her.
Silence.
Then a bug crawls up her ass and she sends incoherent hysterical rambling rapid fire texts telling him how angry she is. He has attempted to engage with her a few times but it never goes anywhere past her firing off her vitriol.
She is currently trying to get DH's son "on her side" since he has expressed an interest in spending more time with DH. She is actually trying to get between DH and SS. Dh has had to call her out and tell her to back off a few times.
So back to the original question. Yes, I was a bad teenager sometimes. Yes, I had battles with my dad. I never cut him off and refused to talk to him. What this girl and some of the other skids in these forums do to their dads....unforgivable. Except that my DH disagrees. He says nothing she does is unforgivable.
I cannot understand that logic. I do not allow toxic people to fuck me over again and again and again. I don't care if I'm related to them, if they spew hate and vitriol every single time I have to interact with them, I find ways to NEVER have to interact with them again.
How much is too much? I'm asking because I'm worried about my DH's emotional health. This is taking a huge toll on him and my opinion is that he needs to just write her off. Am I wrong?
- Mercury's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Btw, I posted this blog at a
Btw, I posted this blog at a bad time. I won't be able to come back to read responses until late tonight, maybe even tomorrow.
But I promise I will read every word of wisdom anyone wants to offer.
I have the same question
I have the same question myself. DSO turned into a depressed mess over SS, and the only thing he has perked up with is being told...quit your job to watch him 24/7 and that is the only thing he cares about.
I know DSO feels guilty. Guilt for picking and staying with a POS BM, guilt for filing for divorce (after BM kicked him out and moved another man in), guilt for allowing SS to go back and live with BM 3 years ago.
SS problem is they enabled his violent outbursts until it was too late to change anything, he feels getting SS out of the group home will erase the guilt and make them all hunky dory. It won't change a thing with SS, but may destroy DSO and SD.
My DS was in a lot of trouble at 17-20. He had a drug problem. I was realistic. I wanted the boy to get help or get the fuck out if he wouldn't straighten up. I love my son, but kissing his ass, giving him free room and board to do drugs wasn't the right way to handle it. I kicked him and his GF (now wife) and my gson out of the house. I didn't see gson for 3 months, but it was the price I had to pay to get through to them.
My son is an asshole at times, but I'm proud of where they are in life. DSO will never be able to be proud of his sons and he doesn't see that his blindness to their faults isn't helping them.
Well, I would say if the
Well, I would say if the treatment of the parent is so hateful, to the point that it's affecting their health, it's time to take a step back. I forget how old your SD is but maybe she will grow up (mature) and they can still have a decent relationship. He can have that hope, doesn't mean he has to be her whipping boy now.
Some things can be blown off, kids sometimes treat their parents crappy and don't really mean anything by it, but sometimes it's more serious than that. I don't believe that all things should be overlooked just because "that's my kid".
The last straw for my DH with his oldest, who I rarely mention and who has truly wanted nothing to do with him since she was young, was her cussing him out. Then she tried to make HIM feel guilty.
After years of him trying to have a relationship with her and being rejected, years of her only calling when she wanted something, her calling him by his first name instead of Dad, she finally crossed the line. She has 3 kids and two of them we have never seen, don't even know their names.
SD23 doesn't treat him quite as bad and I can't imagine her cussing him out but she has her own way of hurting him. He basically put up an emotional wall several years ago when she started lying and trying to manipulate him (some of it at BM's urging) so that's his way of protecting himself. He does worry about her and wants to be a part of her life, but he will not let her use him. He keeps her at a certain distance, emotionally.
It's sad.