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February 22

LoftyDreams's picture

I have started looking at this relationship through the context of an independent observer.

I realize I have been disengaged for the majority of the relationship.

The ex-wife and my boyfriend are currently in a 'war' to persuade their daughter to stay with either of them because the ex-wife is finally deciding to move out of state. She is lying to the children and teaching them to lie to their father. I am kinda like, "Go and please take your children with you," but I know it would be better for the children if they stayed with their father. Even if she moves, there are still going to be issues. There are going to be issues either way.

On February 14, they got into an argument over the children's 'school shirts'. I think they talked on the phone 5-6 times that day. So, the mother didn't pick up the children the entire weekend even though she was supposed to get them on February 13. I wanted to take the phone out of his hand and say to her, "Please don't call anymore today. I am trying to enjoy my three-day weekend," and then I was going to hang up on her. But, I didn't.

Parts of me know that considering the situation, things could be a lot worse. The situation isn't horrible. But, after eight years, parts of me just do not care anymore.

I told my boyfriend on February 14, that I would stay with him through the end of the year, but I was leaving after he finished school. I blew off some steam and he asked if I was still leaving and I said, "No." But, I think I still am.

I started a new job back in June and I was able to keep my old job part-time. I told them I could work every Saturday and every other Sunday. I did this because my boyfriend and his ex were doing stupid stuff with their custody arrangement and I was tired of being around for it. I didn't get time off to relax at home without them so why bother being at 'home' not making money.

I wanted to quit the part-time job, but I think I am just going to keep working both of my jobs and save my money so I can leave cleanly in December this year; hopefully for good this time.


thinkthrice's picture

Sounds like a plan. I can tell you this: after six years of EVERY weekend with three of the most bratty,loud, unhygienic, rotten, nasty children who constantly were lying to try and get me in trouble with their father, the ONLY reason Im still with him is because all three PASed out.

He and the BM broke up when the youngest was two, therefore, technically 16-19 years of untolerable drama. I was literally going bonkers. First year was disbelief. As an experienced single mom myself, how on EARTH could these "parents" allow this type of sheer Br-attitude?

2nd and third years I was questioning my own judgement. Surely this sort of guilty parenting was an anomaly, right, RIGHT??! I thankfully found this site and realized I was not alone.

4th and 5th year the PAS went full court press. I was repeatedly told to "try harder" (TM) even though it was painfully obvious all three were being pumped full of hate. The phoney CPS report was wheeled out. By the sixth year, only YSS was coming over and he was the worst of all. He was coached to divide and conquer. Late in the sixth year, my "SO" realized that spoiling wasn't working and started to enforce tiny specks of rules. A day late and a dollar short.

All of them PASed out. Over the next three years, he blamed me and went as far as being physical with me. Every day I dreamed of kicking him out and going back to my peaceful life. He drowned his sorrows in booze.

Took him almost 12 years to realize that his ex was and still is a terrible mother; that spoiling children and cowering before your ex DOES NOT work and that he should thank his lucky stars that an intelligent and wonderful woman like myself stays with him despite all the past abuse, drama and impoverishment via CS.

Needless to say, all romance was killed. In my case, he is good for some things. He has greatly increased the value of my home, although he has also done some stupid stuff without my permission.

I would never recommend having a relationship with ANY man who has children; EVER!

LoftyDreams's picture

I don't recommend it either and I will make sure to explicitly tell my daughter this. My own Dad said maybe it will be different with someone else.