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That One OSIL...

LochnessStepMonster's picture

Quick recap: OSIL and StepMIL keep inviting BM to family outings. Dh told OSIL (main instigator) and FIL that he is married and if they continue to invite BM to stuff then don't invite him because he is not coming. We have not had an invitation to a family function on his side since.

Here is my disclosure statement. Dh has a tablet that he has pretty much turned into a remote for the TV in our room but it still works like a tablet. He has it connected to his Facebook. I didn't go in with the intention of snooping but it turned in to that.

As I am trying to turn the channel on the TV a Facebook notification from his sister says something like "hey, tell OSIL whether you can..." so I thought there was something she needed from DH and I clicked on the notification to see what it was. That's how I found out they were having a birthday party tomorrow. I go to the guest list and see BM is listed as "going". That was earlier this week.

Now I checked it again because DH hasn't said anything to me about it all week so I want to see how things are brewing. A few hours ago he says "we have a different birthday party to go to on the same day so we may show up if we have time." He may or may not have checked the guest list tho, I don't know. So. OSIL responds that StepMIL is in town for the party and that she wants to meet DD6mos. Now I have learned that OSIL just gives no f#cks because StepMIL and MIL are both going. Granted, MIL and StepMIL may not have any issues like BM and I have because by the time StepMIL came in the picture she and FIL were states away and years after the divorce. No drama needed.

It would seem like DH is avoiding going and has no plan on going since the conflicting birthday party is my nephews party that takes place the next day. I am glad he is handling this with no drama. I wish he would have flat said no but he is still learning.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

My DH does the same thing.

I stopped being his go between with his family of origin because he allowed me to be blamed for decisions and circumstances that were squarely on him. Ever since, he avoids his relatives but for the rare, fake-happy text in which they want to see him and he tells a white lie to avoid them. I suppose he finds this easier than drawing boundaries with them.

I too have a SIL who loves to walk all over boundaries and tries to pressure and manipulate others. She will straight up lie about the guest list in order to get differing family members to come to a get together.

While I'd prefer DH take a stand, confront his kin and work out these issues, at least he has chosen me over their shenanigans. He just won't, or perhaps can't tell them directly.

LochnessStepMonster's picture

Thank God for this comment. I should only hope to be disposable to his family for all this drama. I won't feel bad as I start moving past them.

iluvcheese's picture

Eww. That sucks. Glad your man seems to be on your side about it. I'm really happy he isn't one of the "what's your problem" guys.

My DHs brothers wife, invites women to parties my DH cheated on his xgf (BM) with, then invites us. She was friends with them before my husband slept with them. Still, I think after an affair with someone, you cut ties with their family. DHs parents go to these things, knowing what occurred. His parents used to go when DH was with BM & the cheating was still going on!

I don't understand how these women have the ability to be around DHs family after that, it baffles me. BM never wanted anything to do with DHs family & I don't blame her one bit. I don't want anything to do with SIL, because of it.

I basically have everyone my DH has ever slept with around to some extent. I can relate to what you're dealing with & it really freaking sucks. I have to wonder why some people think this sort of thing is acceptable. It creates so much unnecessary tension.

LochnessStepMonster's picture

Quick update. DH really tthougt his niece's birthday was Sunday and not Saturday. He talked to me about going around 3 yesterday saying that he wanted to go but he was talking like it was supposed to be on Sunday. Since I wasn't supposed to know about it, I went along. Later last night he calls and says nevermind, the party was Saturday and he got the date wrong. Oh, well. Good for me. He did say that StepMIL was coming over during the week to visit. That's way more acceptable than having to deal with all of them