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My wounded BF

Little Jo's picture

We are still sorting through the tax stuff. 2 days ago we found out in 2000 when they closed a 401K, BF mark the box that said 'take the taxes out of this check'. DK changed it before sending it in. She took extra money for God knows what, and now that is getting added on to this train wreck. The tax stuff will get through, but it's his feelings right now that is the problem.

He is so freaking hurt by the fact she did this to him while he was under the immpression the marrage was fine.

Any extra advice on how to fix something that you didn't break.

Jo

Comments

Little Jo's picture

I need some stories to help my man feel better. What was your worse betrayal from someone you loved?

Thank you.

"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin

happy's picture

My ex husband did the basic same thing to me.. And it sucks. You are hurt and feel betrayed and to think you trusted this person. I know for me it made me angry because $13000 of my tax returns paid for his taxes he never filed until 2 years after our divorce, and he knew. But what made it worse was he took away from our children. I was always behind, because they took 4 years or more and not to mention he was and has never been current with his CS. SO I know how your hubby is feeling. It sucks to think that you ever cared for that person, trusted that person. And yet you have to be nice for the kids sake.. That is hard..
He is in shock and its something that only he can work thru. He is angry now and hurt.. He will probably never be over it, cuz till this day it makes me very angry. Which is probably why I don't like my ex, well part of the reason at least.. I am sorry you are all going thru this. I truly am. Let your husband know that it will all get worked out and things will be ok.. Promise.. I didn't die or kill anyone.. LOL. Have a great day..
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Little Jo's picture

I'm sorry you went through that. What did he said when you confronted him about it.?

I truely feel so bad for him. Last night he go so mad. All he kept saying was 'she was my wife, how could she do that to me'.

I'm at a loss as to what to say. How do I answer that without making him feel worse and without defending her. Which I will never do.

Nymh's picture

You have nothing to go on, and you weren't even there. Just be there for him, tell him you understand, support him, and maybe give him a favor tonight to make him feel better. Seriously. You can't drive yourself crazy trying to fix something that you didn't do and happened so many years ago. Just try to show him that you're there for him and you understand his pain.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Anne 8102's picture

I know this isn't exactly the same thing, but my parents divorced with I was sixteen because my father got caught cheating. For several YEARS after their divorce, the stories were still coming back to her about the various women he'd slept with during their twenty-year marriage. She'd had no clue. She thought the one he got caught with at the end was the only one. She was mortified that he'd been cheating throughout their entire relationship and she'd never known until long after they were divorced. Eventually, she remarried and she and my SF have been married for almost twenty years now. She still, to this day, hates my father with every fiber of her being, uses any opportunity to spew venom about him and continues to nurse her bitterness even now, all these years later. She's a very bitter, hateful woman to this day and she will never be truly happy because she has allowed him to continue having power over her through her hatred and bitterness.

My advice to you, Jo, is to let him get as angry as he needs to get and let him express that anger (in a healthy way) as much as he needs to so that he can get it out of his system. Work with him to unscrew everything, be supportive, be a good listener and all that, but don't let the bitterness claim him. He may never forgive her for this. It would be hard to forgive something like this, especially when the person who did it was supposed to be someone he could trust, but help him understand that to carry any bitterness and hate for it in his heart will blacken it forever. Money is just money. Don't let her take his soul.

~ Anne ~

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot

goingcrazy's picture

OKay, I was married to my first husband 15 years. Had a business with him and a daughter. Thought everything was great. Went out of town to see my brother graduate from college and ex decided to sleep with my best friend of 20 years. Denied it for awhile, then woke up one day and walked out on us. We had just bought a million dollar horse ranch and $90,000 SUV. He emptied the business bank account with over $50,000 in it, personal account with about $35,000 in checking and $15,000 in savings. I had to let the SUV go into repo, house foreclosed. Then to top it off, I was black balled in our profession because he spread awful rumors of me throughout the community. So, my business became almost nothing.

How did I get revenge? I met my current DH, held my head up, married the man I was supposed to be with, rebuilt my company from the ground up with the help of a man that won't tear it down and have began to start fresh. Have no money in savings yet, but I am so very happy. I learned to give and accept that it was not my fault. There is nothing I can do to bring back all the things I lost, but they are worthless compared to the life I gained. I now have my daughter (who is not close to her dad at all), a wonderful husband who is an amazing dad to my daughter, and a step daughter that I would never want to live without. And I walk this earth without anger or anomosity. My ex ended up moving back in with his parents, my so called best friend dumped him on his ass, and he had to seek work outside of our profession because he couldn't make it on his own.

So, remind you BF that he is no longer with this person. Add this to the many reasons why they are now apart. He has you and you care enough about him to make a difference. Don't dwell on the things that happened in the past. Focus on making a better future. Good luck to him in his tax problems, it will all work out.

StepMomma's picture

This is just one after another after another w/my poor hubby and his ex gf from HELL! So he meets a nice girl in high school. They start dating and he finds out she's engaged to a man serving in Bosnia! He tells her to break it off, and she lies and tells him she did. So Mr. Fiancee comes home and finds her w/my husband and freaks out. (Of course) Later in the relationship, he finds that she's not as great as he thought and breaks up with her. Her response, "you can't break up w/me, I'm pregnant!" (nice way to break the news...) Yeah, she was 6 MONTHS pregnant!! He said she'd gotten heavier, but all-over heavier...during another fight later, she admitted she had done it on purpose to 'save their relationship'. And that was just the first year of their relationship...it's now 10 years later and the BS hasn't stopped....

Mocha2001's picture

Unfortunately I think things like this are typical. DH and BB separated in November of 2005, so rightfully they should have split the tax return, both taking the exemption for SS. DH was heading out to the field (he's in the Army) in February 2006. DH and BB discussed taxes and BB said, "I'll calculate it different ways and figure out what is best for both of us; we'll split it 50/50." Yeah, right ... BB filed married, but separate, took the income tax exemption, and the entire return. She got about $5000 and DH got $200. He didn't find out until a week before the taxes were due when he had asked her for all the tax information so he could sign. She said she put it in SS backpack ... all it was were the 1099 forms and stuff - no taxes. DH called her to find out what was up and she said, "oh, I already filed married but separate." We thought of claiming SS and playing dumb, but ... SIGH!!! He just ate it and moved on, but to this day he's still pissed off about it. A couple of months later she admitted that she "mislead him." I guess my DH should be glad he found out in the beginning as opposed to later like your situation.

~ Katrina

Cruella's picture

BB did soooo many things to BF that he is still just finding out. BF's oldest son from another marriage told him that BB had an affair with his best friend right in front of his eyes. He didn't want to hurt his father any further so he never said anything. BB was also going around telling people someone raped her and sent BF in a wild goose chase trying to find out who raped her. He came to find out she was telling all of her friends that BF raped her!!!! She was just trying to justify to her lover why she slept with BF. He has her on tape apologizing to him for doing that. This woman is out and out trash.

Little Jo's picture

I had my BF read through the thread. It opened up some good dialog.
We are very sorry for the things that you've seen and or gone through.

Thank you very much for sharing with us.
Jo

"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin