I came home Friday and brought groceries in to find the BM in my family room. I knew she was there cuz I saw her car outside and she wasn't in it. I tried hard not to be angry, so I grunted hello and went up stairs to put away my purse. I came back down and tried to calmly tell her that I didn't feel good about her being in my house and that our agreement was that she didnt' do it...so please wait outside next time. She launches into a full scale attack on me yelling in front of her kid and saying that she can put me out of there anytime she wanted to. My H never said a word as I battled with her and told her, really, huh? is that true? So I turn to H and he says nothing, not a word. I ask him this time if it's true, and he says nothing. BM is beaming with enjoyment. I tell her she doesn't live here anymore and she continues to get lippy with me. Finally H screams at her to get out and practically throws her out. I wheel around on H and ask him if it's true...does she own our home? And he won't answer. So I say you're a liar and con man and I went upstairs all hysterical. I grabbed my suitcase and started throwing stuff in it. He comes up and asks where I'm going...I tell him I'm leaving you! He tries to stop me and talk, but I'm screaming at him the whole time...why do you always take her side, why don't you defend me, what are you lying about, etc...the usual stuff. He just tries to calm me down, but offer no answers so I'm seriously pissed and grab my stuff, practically knocking him down, and take off in my suv. He comes out to the driveway, probably to try to say something, but I put that baby in reverse and peeled out and took off a hysterical wreck. (I apologize to everyone on the road for driving in such a state...that was my bad and I am very sorry to have put others at risk because of my being so hysterical).
So I stay with my mom, who says he's a dirt bag and a liar and gets me groceries and stuff so I can go stay at my old condo...which I still haven't given up yet since being with H...something just wouldn't let me part with it...plus I can't get rid of the damn thing.
So I go back to my own place late Saturday afternoon and decide to make H move my essentials back to my place so I can be there while we sort out stuff. He at first refuses and says "I promised never to TAKE your stuff...I never said I'd move it back if we broke up..." (Rotten ass-weasel!) But finally after alot of talking on my part he decides to bring the stuff over. Then he leaves my keys and takes off to his house...I find out later it's because he's so broken up he's going to cry and doesn't want to do it in front of me (oh, but it's ok to show rage and anger in front of me all the time?)
So Saturday night I'm loving living alone and thinking how great it will be to get my stuff outta his place and leave him for good. I'm just sick of all the ex wife crap.
So Sunday I go over and ignore him, say hello to the skids and go get my coats out of the closet cuz it's cold now and I need them. And I go up to our room to get 'a few things'. Out come the packing boxes and I'm stuffing things in them at light speed. H comes up and sees what I'm doing and we have a discussion/fight. He doesn't want me to leave, and he knows for sure I mean business this time. So we have a discussion/fight for a couple hours and I go back to my place to rest while he feeds his kids.
While at my place I decide to go back to him at least temporarily because: my mom was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and will be having surgery soon and I absolutely need him as support; if I leave now he will make damn certain I don't get my stuff and have to fight him for it all or pay people to come get it and I have no money for that; he has many good qualities and treats me very, very well in alot of ways--this exW crap is just our achilles heel.
Anyway, I wind up back there Sunday afternoon, moved back in the stuff I had taken out, and back to cooking and trying to keep house. The kids went to their bm's house that afternoon so we were alone all afternoon and last night so we talked alot. He explained it was his bad by letting her in...he is a gentleman and does alot of things like changing people's tires, and walking coworkers to their cars...just generally a good guy. But I don't feel the same about him now. I feel(and I told him all this) that he betrayed me because we had the agreement that she waits in the car...and by him inviting her in, he was betraying our agreement. But I also see that he didn't mean any offense by it...they aren't romantically interested or anything... However, I don't feel the same about him anymore. He let me down, betrayed me, whatever...and I'm not over it. And I'm not secure in our house. They did some fancy financial stuff when they divorced so they share deeds to two houses, he's got one house, she's got one house, but she's still on our mortgage because it saves us money (she works at the same bank). I would like to sort it all out and get her outta our life, but it seems really complicated...and at this point I'm not sure I care enough to. I'm not sure how I feel about him.
He told me during our long, long conversations that BM is a dirtbag and he hates her, yadda yadda yadda, and that her old man cheated with her and on her, and she's probably gonna wind up dumped again which she deserves. But in the back of my mind I keep wondering if one day when she gets kicked out, he'll want her back....
But anyways, I'm just still angry at him and hurt and way, way not trusting. He said and did some things that made me feel like, if I try to leave, he'll make it the worst experience of my life...and if he gets sick enough of me, he'll toss my stuff out in the street. In essence, I feel very, very unsecure in my "home" with him.
I'm going to stay a while so I can get through my mom's illness...but I am looking to get out. I'm checking to see who can move me on short notice and get everything lined up so I can leave while he's at work. I'm not sure that leaving is the right thing though so I'm just at the planning stage. Like I say, he does alot of things right, but there a few wrongs here, and they're hugely wrong. Mostly I'm afraid because I have no power...it's his house, she's on the mortgage...where is "mine"? Where is my security?
I know it's not here because I trusted him until this weekend, and he's show in his words and deeds that he does not mean what he says.
I'm proably wrong for using him like I am...but I don't have a choice right now.
Maybe you guys could offer me some advice or encouragement one way or another? I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on my situation because I'm lost...