You are here

Burnout

Lalena75's picture

I don't know what has pushed me to just the point of saying F it all and not just my relationship just everything. Right now the 2 big irritations? For 10 years first dd had it then ds the loft bed, it has drawers, shelves and a desk built in, my kids never broke any of it, 10 years. In 2 years, the skids have destroyed the ladder, and all the drawers liked jacked it all the F up.
#2 I had a conference last week I got to teach good for my resume. I asked SO the day I found out about it if he'd go then realized right away he had his kids and said never mind you have your kids. Then affording it was questionable then I found out about teaching it which lead to the college paying for me to be there hotel and all. Last min when SO realizes (night before) that I'm going with 4 guys and my instructor (a guy) and were all teaching he tries to get me to let him come and dump his kids on MY parents. I can't I mean the college is paying we're not married the college could kick me out for that. I told him this. He played paranoid jealous lets behave just like your exh and ugh drive me nuts all weekend to the point I wanted to shut my phone off.
Worse now he's freaking out about me making friends 1 of which is a guy oh no freak out she has a friend but she also has appropriate boundaries lets send her into a crying panic attack by not just reading my texts to him, but to everyone in my phone!
I don't care he needed to look I cared he tried to lie to me to then see my phone while I was in bed it's the lying sneaking I have issue with. I asked if he had a problem with what he read, he's mad I told my bff (female and cousin) he's having insecurity and trust issues (I told him I think this too so it shouldn't be a surprise)
Then shuts me out and refuses to discuss any of it. So pissed, so reminds me of my exh who then gaslighted me and tormented me with the you must be cheating every single time I tried to have friends or go to school or do anything.
I can't do it again I can't it's torture, and here goes the panic attack again I need my meds again I think

Comments

moeilijk's picture

I can really see things from your perspective. You're the one with the skids who've been getting hit with a belt by their BM's father, who they live with, right? And CPS at your door causing you drama too.

Then the skids wreck your nice things. Then your SO is unreasonably jealous. You're tight on money. You had a stressful conference, I mean, awesome that you got to teach but I remember you said it was the first or one of the first times, so that's a lot of pressure. And so the emotional pressure on you is high, the demands to deal with other people's high-stakes drama is high... and it's STILL winter.

If you SO is usually so insecure, I have to wonder what makes him attractive to you. If he's going through some issues, then I say throw him a bone and give him a good time for a while. Sometimes it's nice to have a little adult relationship in between all the pressure we have in our lives.

Lalena75's picture

moeilijk: yep that's me. I totally gave him a happy homecoming when I got back from the conference he asked my dd to take his kids out for awhile so we could "have some alone time". Mother nature has other plans this week.
This is sudden ramped up insecurity, seems to come in waves. Last time I was finishing my internship long hours with mostly guys (male dominated field I'm still trying to get hired) He made the statement when I was discussing my shift "Stop, I really don't want to hear anymore." I was floored and hurt so I asked why and got "Those guys get to see you more than me."
Wtf is he going to do when I do work in this field on a regular basis?
I asked him how he would, how was he going to manage if I'm gone out of country for weeks, "I waited 13 years to follow my dreams and was held back by a man I won't be held back again and you have little kids"
Him "Why can't you wait a little longer so I can travel with you."
I feel sick, like I'm seriously going to puke sick.
Normally he's sweet charming, always happier when he works (which he is now) treats me like a queen and puts me first. I have said since day 1, I'm going to do this, and I'm going to take it international. I love medicine, and disasters. I thought he could hang, he said he could. Now I don't know.
The isolation tactic was my exh he used it well would act so paranoid and insecure that the ONLY way to prove I wasn't was to never go anywhere but work, and even work was hard. The response to shut myself off from the world is almost instinct from the damage my exh did, that response is what's making me ill, I don't think it's SO intention, just part of the mental damage done to me.

moeilijk's picture

Heh heh heh amazing how easy it is to cheer them up, huh! And I feel pretty good about doing my duty too lol!!

I really don't think the issue is the male-dominated field. In my mind, you've never given him any reason to doubt you, so it's just jealousy, not necessarily a fear of you cheating, if you know what I mean.

I'm sure you're his favourite person, and it's natural that he wants to be around you. It's just that he needs to have his own life and hobbies that he's pursuing for himself too. And it sounds like he can't hear about how busy/fulfilling your studies/job is because he just doesn't have his own stuff going on.

I don't know what to tell you. You need some serious cheering up and he's gone all Debbie-Downer on you! And then he gets his panties in a knot if you go have fun with anyone else, because he wants to have fun too. It's as though he hasn't figured out that he brings his damn mood with him.

He needs to turn that frown upside down! Get with the program! Don't let him bum you out... at least not for long. And do NOT replace the beds!

ltman's picture

YOU DO NOT LET YOUR DH SIDETRACK YOU!!!! HIS INSECURITIES ARE BS AND HE CAN TAKE THAT SHIT UP THE ROAD.

Been there, done that, got nothing for it.

Ggggrrrr.