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Sleeping arrangements

Kiwi_koala's picture

What are everyone's sleeping arrangements for SK's that come over every other weekend? Do you think it's necessary for the kids to have their own beds and rooms? My boyfriend just moved into a three bedroom apartment and wants to get triple bunk beds for both rooms. Even if you only spend $100 on each mattress it's going to cost like $1200 total with the mattresses and if you get the cheapest bunk bed frames. The rooms are kind of small and I think getting a foldable queen size mattress or foldable twins make more sense. 


SteppedOut's picture

Yikes. IMHO kids of those ages should not be crammed into rooms like that. Whew.

Kiwi_koala's picture


Alapheria's picture

It's always best to make your SK's feel like home even when they're not with their custodial parent. When they visit, it will make them happier and more comfortable having their own bed, clothes and toys there. Even if that room(s) aren't used other than when they're visiting, it'll make them feel more secure knowing they're not guests at that house but that it's a second home for them. That sense of security will help them grow to love and appreciate both parents and step parents and will give them a much healthier mindset as they grow older which results in a more successful life and stronger relationship building.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Yes that's how he feels. I just feel like the room is going to be so overcrowded because it's closer to Manhattan so the rooms aren't spacious.

SteppedOut's picture

Honestly, unless the children are very young, it doesn't sound like adequate space... 6 children in 2 small bedrooms is a tight squeeze (even when young). Perhaps he should have considered that prior to renting the apartment? 

Kiwi_koala's picture

I agree I'm kind of upset about the move.  He insisted on being very close to work which I understand the traffic here is insane. The apartment is 900 square feet. There's my boyfriend's bedroom on the floor when you walk in and then the kids would be downstairs but it feels too tight.

SteppedOut's picture

Sounds like he should account more for the needs of his children, and not so much on his wants. Everyone wants to have a short commute, often times it doesn't work that way. 

Not trying to come off as harsh... but 6 kids in 2 rooms is... Whew, not something I would want for mine. 

Kiwi_koala's picture

I know. We disagree on this recent move. It just happened in the last month. I don't think it's right either.

tog redux's picture

Dear god, 6 kids under 13 in a 900 sq ft apartment in NYC.  I can't even. Those kids must be bouncing off the walls.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Basically except for the fact that the older ones haven't been there yet. Their mother is refusing to bring them. It was a nightmare with the younger two though. I only stayed one day out of the three separate times they've visited for the weekend. They were jumping on the floor and loud. I wanted to jump off the nearest bridge.

NotThatTypical's picture

Each child should have their own bed at the very least. If it's possible to have their own room then that's great but I understand not wanting to give a full room that will be empty the majority of the time. However in this case 3 to a room is already a bit intense and they shouldn't all have to share one room even if they are only there a few times a month.

My SO has two. When they were little they did share a futon but as soon as we had space we got bunk beds. We also use their room for guest when they aren't with us or if we both want to watch TV we can.

Iamwoman's picture

I don't think it's a good idea to make skids sleep in the same bed. It's a visitation weekend, not a slumber party.

As much as it kills me to have a room in the house unused 317 days of the year, kids just need their own beds. We have a twin bunk bed for skids.

However, we do store our luggage in their room when they aren't visiting. We simply move the luggage to an adult area EOW.

I know it kills you that his kids cost so much money, but he made that choice when he made so many kids. You made the choice to tolerate these types of very basic necessities when you chose to stay with a man with 6 kids. I know it sucks. Trust me, we ALL know how much it's sucks sometimes.

But you just can't deny children beds. That is actually something that a GAL would check for: each kid having their own bed.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Ugh I know you're right. I could swallow it more if they were here even 30 percent of the time. It's just so silly but I know they need a place to sleep. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'm going to be blunt with you:

You don't live there. You don't pay for it. You haven't been asked to move in. Therefore, it's not your concern until it's your money and your space.

There are 6 kids who each need a bed to themselves. Unless he is going to get 6 rollaway beds that will take up on entire room just in storage, he's going to have to purchase 6 actual beds that will take up both rooms. At 900 sq ft, that's his only option unless the only "common area" is his bedroom.

This is one of those things where you don't get to make suggestions or offer opinions. This is an exercise in observation and reflection. The question isn't "should my BF give up his 2 bedrooms to the kids?" It should be "if I am ever asked to move in, could I live with this arrangement, and if I can't, is this the relationship for me?"

Better to ask that question NOW than when your lease is up and you don't have time to make othet arrangements.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Yes that is the question I've been asking myself the last two weeks. I think I would feel too claustrophobic in that apartment when they're visiting. 

Also, I do think they should have the bedrooms. I just figured getting bunk beds would take up too much room and something foldable would be more realistic but it doesn't matter since I don't live there. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

There are lots of different bunk bed option, one of which would include as trundle bed under the bottom bunk that would roll out when the kids are there and roll away when they aren't. Wayfair has different options, but none are likely going to be cheap.

ESMOD's picture

If the kids will all be there at the same time?  then they should each have their own bed.  

Now.. he could buy two bunk beds and then have a trundle that rolls out at night.  that would work.. and it would free up floor space.  

I don't think his plans are loony.. I mean.. he already HAS the kids.. he just needs to figure out how to have a place for them to sleep.  6 kids in 2 rooms is not ideal.. but look at the brady bunch set up.. it used to not be as unusual for multiple siblings to share rooms.. my dad shared a room with 3 other boys.

But.. yeah.. when the time comes.. can YOU live in a 900 sq foot space with 7 other people?  will it allow for future space for any more?

You have to face facts.. with 6 kids.. he is not a candidate for you if you want more/any kids.. there is no way he has the resources to do more than that. so if that's a priority.. find someone less encumbered. 

Unless his kids are exceptional specimens and you love spending time with them? no.. this will never work for you.

but as has been pointed out.  this is not your apt.  you aren't paying his bills and you are not a parent to his kids.. it really isn't your place to put requirements.. but it is telling if he is creating a home.. with no room for you.


Kiwi_koala's picture

There's no way I can live in the apartment. It's too small for everyone. I need space. Yes, his plan is to get the bunk bed with the trundle option. If he intends on buying at least a four bedroom house with decent sized rooms then I would be okay with that. I don't think it's wrong for them to share rooms. I just think the room needs to be big enough. I enjoy freedom and I'm a rather sensitive person so I don't want children right now and I'd probably only like to have one, two if I seem to be able to handle the first well.

ESMOD's picture

if you want kids.. this isn't the right situation.  If he can't or won't agree to a bigger home in the future when you are involved.. then this isn't the right situation.

For his situation now?  if the kids are not there full time.. and with two diff sets of kids.. he may be able to work it out.  I would be steering clear on Skid weekends though.. lol.

honestly.. this guy doesn't sound like a great catch.. he has 6 tumors on his face.. just think about that every time you think he's

the kids won't go away. the kids are going to be a financial strain on HIM.. and therefore anyone he becomes involved with.  I would bow out if I was interested in having a family of my own someday because the drama with him will be thick.

Kiwi_koala's picture

He's not against a bigger place in the future. He just didn't think this decision through. Clearly he's not the best at making decisions. I have barely been there with the kids. I'm not into playing one big happy family in some tight space. I'm tiring of the constant chaos and drama. I've just been pulling away more over time and going out with girlfriends.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why oh why oh why do you even care about this stuff? There are over 12 million males in the NYC metro area. Find a few without all the baggage and dysfunction that comes with this guy, date them, and have a better life.


Kiwi_koala's picture

One which is horrid. I take forever in the bathroom doing my skin rituals and taking long baths.

Livingoutloud's picture

I don’t think the concern is how long you take in the bathroom as you don’t live there. You have a choice to not be there at all and let him visit you and take you on a date when he has no kids (I suspect he does  none of that and you are the one visiting him).

Concern is about his kids and lack of bathrooms. How will he manage with 6 kids and one bathroom? 

Livingoutloud's picture

Why didn’t he think all this through before he produced 6 kids? One needs a large house and very good salary to support and house 6 kids. Now he crams them all in two rooms and can’t afford anything. I’d not want a guy who is that irresponsible. Why not look for a single guy? 

Kiwi_koala's picture

Lol you got me. I don't have a problem with people having a lot of kids. My grandparents have so many siblings and I think it's really nice but, you need the funds for it of course and the U.S isn't what it used to be 50 years ago where you can let your kids roam the neighborhood for hours on end, so that's something to consider.

Kiwi_koala's picture

I'm not against looking for a single guy. I just have trouble letting people go and I've invested a lot of time and energy. The thought is daunting, not that that's an acceptable excuse.

BethAnne's picture

I imagine when you have 6 kids everything is expensive. I can’t imagine walking into that situation and thinking that I would want to add one or two more kids to that mix in the future. Wow...groceries alone must be insanely expensive even just for the weekends they are with you. 

Kiwi_koala's picture

Well I want my own children so I'd want one or two regardless of if I was with him. Originally when I first met him years ago I thought I would love for my kids to have a lot of siblings that I didn't have to give birth to...that was back in the inexperienced days of steplife.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

If you want children of your own, it's yet another huge reason why you should stop wasting your time with this guy. Most women wouldn't touch this man with a ten foot pole. He has bred himself into a situation that will strain his finances for the rest of his life, and will always be pulled in umpteen different directions. Any children you have with him will come last and have less due to his many other obligations.

A Jewish mensch once told younger, single me "It's just as easy to marry rich as it is to marry poor, and if you don't date the poor guys, you eliminate half the problem." Sounds mercenary, but the lesson I learned was to be choosy, practical, and use my head as well as my heart.

You should be shopping for the best possible father for your future children. Find someone without kids, so you will both be experiencing all the "firsts" of the journey together.  A man with no other baggage will be able to focus fully on you and the family you make with him, and won't have the considerable financial burden this guy has.

thinkthrice's picture

two portapotties out back and several Murphy beds.

RUN fot your LIFE!!! (literally)

Harry's picture

Him becoming full time parent.  It's only one BM accident away.  BM not being able to handle them. Or she finds a new boy toy.   Two as kids get older they get more expensive.  School trips,  cars. Car insurance, college, weddings.  I can see unless he has a great job,  what he does not have or we would not be in a two bedroom apartment.  How he's going to afford all of this.  And adding us kids on top of all of it 

Kiwi_koala's picture

I know. There's no way he could have them full time in that place. It's out of the question. As far as college goes he said he's not paying for them to go to college. He has three daughters perhaps he would pay for part of their wedding as he claims to be traditional but he wouldn't for the sons. He doesn't even want to have two cars nevermind pay for their future cars lol. I know he wouldn't pay for their insurances.