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Kay2's picture

Okay, I need a little advise here. We have been having some trouble with SD6 in school again. We are getting notes from her teacher on about a weekly basis, telling us that SD is playing around, being silly and not doing her work.

So yesterday, since I just had back surgery on monday SO has some vacation time, so I can rest. He goes and gets her from school and she brings home a note from her teacher, same ol' same ol'. Playing around, wouldn't get started and so on. I was up and around for a bit of her homework, and I knew SO had told her no t.v for the day. I also heard him tell her at the table, that once they were done she was supposed to go "play in her room". I heard that and assumed that meant that she was to STAY in her room.

Anyways she went to her room, I layed down on the couch and started to doze off, I swear every 15 minutes or so SD came out of her room for SOMETHING. Well needless to say that made rest for me impossible, and I was very confused as to why SO wasn't sending her back to her room. I snapped at her a few times, for slurping her juice out of a spoon, and coming in and interupting me talking to SO. He didn't say anything at that point. She came out for like the 50th time, and after she went back I FINALLY turned to SO and desperatly asked:

SO: I didn't "ground" her to her room.
Kay: uhh, didn't you tell her to go play in her room?
SO: Yes, I thought you needed some rest.
Kay: I DO! So again why does she keep coming out of her room?
SO: she isn't grounded to her room, I just told her to play in her room.
Kay: So I guess that still means come out whenever you fucking want huh?

Yes I was angry, I apologized to SO about the way that I handled it.

My point here is, what should we do about a kid that keeps getting into trouble over and over and over again in school?


StepKidto3Momto3's picture

Children do well at school because they can. At 6, if she is not doing well at school, it is imperative to figure out why she is having trouble. Can you tell us more about what is happening at school? Is it mostly 'wiggle-butting' (not sitting still, talking out) or not getting the work done or defience (ignoring teachers, breaking things, leaving the room)? Is she at a public school? Is she in 1st grade or still in kindergarten?

Kay2's picture

She is caught up for the most part academically, she just wont stay in her seat, wont do her work, wont listen to the teacher, being very silly. Nothing horrible or overly defiant.

SO just does not begin to understand why, when he talks to her about this until he is blue in the facem why she STILL doesn't listen. I am now trying to every so gently nudge him in the direction of a firmer punishment for this. I mean talking to her would be ideal, IF it worked. It obviously doesn't. I am also trying to get him to understnad the importance of being consistant. Last week when she brough home a note, she WAS grounded to her room with no t.v. This time just no t.v :?

That confuses me, and I am an adult. I just want some suggestions on age appropriate punishments for not focusing like she should in school. Smile

LPowers's picture

I noticed a change in SS6 this last summer and told DH that he needed to do something because I was going to strangle SS6. DH did nothing until BM took SS6 and dropped him back off to us less than 2 hours later because she could not "handle" him. Both SS6's parents have ADD so I suggested DH take him to the Dr. SS6 was doing the same things your SD is doing minus the trouble in school because SS6 had not started yet. SS6 was not listening, being disruptive at home, doing repetitive things, even when asked to stop. Punishment was not helping because after "timeout" he had forgotten why he was in timeout in the first place. So, off to the Dr. he went and came back with a prescription of Ritalin. My life has been a little easier since. Maybe it's something to talk to your SO about. Is there a history of ADD or ADHD in the family?

Kay2's picture

No history of medical issues, of that type. My honest opinion in this situations is that SD6 is perfectly healthy. (BM used to blame all of these issues on an "imaginary" hearing problem, yeah we had her hearing checked perfectly fine in both ears) I honestly thinks she pulls this stuff, because no one expects her not to. She is babied to a point that she has alot of toddler behavior at 6 years old. I just need a way to get SO to see that this can become a big issue, if he keeps sticking his head in the sand.

LPowers's picture

it might not be a bad idea to talk to her teacher to see what her opinion is. Sounds a lot like Attention Deficit Disorder, too me. If the teacher is at a loss, then maybe a Dr. might shed some light on the issue. My SS6 acts the same way when BM forgets his medicine. It really is not something that the skid can control. Imagine your thoughts going wild and no way to focus and pay attention to one thing. That may be what is going on with your SS

Kay2's picture

Sad We did speak with her teacher. She told us that she thought SD wasn't mature enough to start kindergarden yet. Sad

Anywho78's picture

SS (now 8)'s teachers have been saying that for years...turns out he's PDD (Autistic spectrum) & SHOULD have been having occupational therapy from day one...2 years after his diagnosis, he is doing better with work from both home and school...but his teacher was forever saying he was just "too immature"...wanting to hold him back, while he was getting A's and B's no less...yeah...sorry, LOVE that line from teachers! See if your DH will talk to SD's doctor for ideas maybe?

happymostly's picture

so the teacher doesnt suspect that she has ADD/ADHD?
Not sure what to say about the teacher saying that she wasnt mature enough...? She would have to be in school sooner or later, Im sure you dont want her being like 7 and only just being in kindergarten. Definitely think you should see if the doctor suspects anything...

StepKidto3Momto3's picture

I don't think punishing is going to fix this.

If you have time to focus on just this for two weeks:

Choose two behaviors that are the most bothersome to you and the teacher. On day 1 & 2 count how many times she does that behavior (talks out, gets out of chair, etc).

On day 3....
1. Eliminate all screens (tv, computers, video games, etc).
2. Enforce a set bedtime routine of 45-60 minutes (ie. bath, story, sleep)
3. Feed a high protein dairy-free, wheat-free breakfast (ie. eggs and sausage with oj)
4. Limit all of her food to just these things: fresh fruit (but no apples), vegetables (limit potatoes and corn), lean meat (no additives), and nuts (no almonds).
5. Do at least 10 minutes of sensory activities 4x day (before school, after school, before dinner and before bed). (eg. carry heavy books up the stairs, roll her in a blanket and squish her with your hands -- don't cover her face and don't lay on her, playdough, sandbox, swinging, spinning)

After two weeks of doing this, spend a day counting the two behaviors again. If there was a decrease, great! If there wasn't, then it is time to seek professional help, you can either start with her ped or the school.

Here is a good website for parenting difficult children. Very step-parent friendly too:

Note: All of those suggestions are basic interventions for kids with ADHD and PDD/ASD.