You are here

SS20 regressing

justmakingthebest's picture

I don't know what SS20's deal is lately but I swear he is regressing. (Sorry, this is long and rambling.. I guess I was more irritated than I realized!) SS20 is also autistic and a number of other issues as well.

We went out for most of the day Saturday. DH actually had 2 days off in a row!!  Before we left, I went up to road and brought him back a breakfast sandwich that he likes (a little bit of a bribe to get up and moving). We left at 11am and we were gone until 10pm. He did not do his chore. He did not eat the rest of the day. He did not take his morning meds, he did not get dressed, he did not brush his teeth- nothing. 

He has a routine that he knows he is supposed to follow. He knows the rules. We are in the process of adult guardianship of him and sometimes I feel a little guilty just because it takes so much from him but then days like this happen (and they are becoming more and more frequent). 

We asked him why he didn't eat, there were plenty of things for sandwiches, leftovers, the ravioli that he likes was in the pantry, there was a frozen pizza he could put in the toaster oven (he is scared to use the big oven), mac and cheese cups that you microwave... There were options. He just won't bother if I don't put a plate in front of him. He just shrugged and said he forgot.

We asked why he didn't shower or brush his teeth or get dressed. He got mad and started yelling at DH- which was quickly shut down. But once again- he just didn't care.

Same with meds- I forgot. He HAS to take those meds on regulated times. One of them is lithium that split for morning and night. You don't mess around with that. 

Then yesterday I was on the phone and he (ss) realized his med container was out (we do 2 weeks at a time). He starts yelling at DH- DH jumps his butt for not saying anything on Sunday when he took his last one. Then DH asks him why he can't take out the bag of meds and fill them up. He said he doesn't know what he takes and when. HE HAS HAD THE SAME PILLS FOR  YEARS. There have been a few dosage changes but the same meds. 

I get frustrated over his lack of caring about anything sometimes. We don't ask him to do much. He has to go to work 4 days a week for 4 hours. He leaves with me for a ride- so get up in the morning. He has to clean his room on Wed. He has to load the dishwasher at night- he maybe remembers 3x a week. He refuses to do it when we are done eating and wants to do it later. Then "forgets". I swear to dog I am going to lose it on him tonight if he argues over it. Then he has to help take out the trash when BS isn't home. 

That's it. That is all he has to do in life. I do his laundry. I make his bed with clean sheets weekly (the bottom sheet stresses him out). He doesn't do yard work, he doesn't sweep or vacuum. He doesn't clean bathrooms. He doesn't do 1/2 the stuff my bios have been doing since they were 5/6 years old. He is supposed to be age adjusted to 13. I am not asking too much. 

It just get's hard yelling (fussing) at a 6 foot tall, 20 yo man child to freaking shower some days! I mean I have to smell his hair to make sure he actually did before we go in public or to see family so that I am not embarrassed by him! 

** DH is wonderful and when he is home, is the bad guy for me. I just shoot him a text from across the room and it is like JMTB never even noticed. DH will also correct SS without me saying anything if he catches it first. The problem is currently DH is home/awake for maybe 16-20 hrs a week. His schedule is the worst!!!! It won't be forever, it just sucks the big one right now. **


justmakingthebest's picture

Not that I know of. Nothing has changed... he really likes his job and if anything he is happier that my bios aren't home because we are more chill when it is just the 3 of us - versus all the constant go-go-go with my 2 kids. 

But that doesn't mean he couldn't be depressed. I will talk to his therapist when we have our next appointment. 

tog redux's picture

The lack of appetite on a 20 yo man makes me think depression - my SS20 eats enough for 4.  You don't "forget" to eat unless you have no appetite.

justmakingthebest's picture

Lack of appetite isn't a concern though. When I put food in front of him he eats enough to feed a small army! However, if I don't put it in front of him he just won't eat.

Last night, for example: (I do HelloFresh when my kids are away. I order for 4 -you can do 2 or 4). I had 1/2 of my chicken breast, DH had one and SS20 ate 2.5- plus double the bacon mashed potatoes and even finished his asparagus (he hates asparagus!). I wanted to take mine as left overs but before I could even go back to pack it away everything was gone LOL 

That is why I think he is more lazy than depressed. 

tog redux's picture

Maybe. It's odd that he wouldn't even just snack on stuff if he didn't want to prepare a meal, but it could be related to not noticing his body's cues.

futurobrillante99's picture

He might just be in a slump.

I have a son, age 24, with Autism. He's not as able to work as your SS, but he's very fastidious about his hygiene and he handles the trash, cat litter, lawn mowing, dishes and general cleaning tasks at my house. He makes use of his phone calendar and reminders. He also handles his meds all on his own.

It might be time for SS to get his meds reevaluated. Maybe his weight has changed or since he's 20 now, he may need a med tweak because he's physiologically an adult now. I know my son's meds needed to be tweaked a bit in his early 20s. He may need more or less medication.

This covid thing is getting to everyone and there is a lot of depression going around. I wouldn't discount that being part of the problem, too. If there was anything he used to like to do that he can't do now, it could be making him depressed like the rest of us.


justmakingthebest's picture

We changed his doeses around a little over a year ago and it helped but I guess he could still be having some changes...

somethingwicked's picture

It could be depression.It could be he is back sliding because of some fear he cannot voice. Does he still see a counselor?

Does he have friends that are doing better in their lives, seem farther along socially or are working  more and he feels like he is being left behind?

I only ask b/c  of an acquaintance's daughter who is a pretty  high functioning Down's and who , in her early 20's,  became depressed when her friends seemed to move on, do better in their lives  . She back slid on all her self care. That is usually a symptom  of depression.

She wanted to move into a group home like a few of her peers  were able but her family was afraid to green light that not sure if she would function well away from them. Her depression was based on that she wanted to be like her friends, grow up and have "a life  and not be a baby".

She was diagnosed with depression and after starting on an antidepressant and her parents researched  group homes in the area with the encouragemnt of the therapist , found a great one not too far. She had a job 6 hours a day.The bus would pick her and another home tenant up at the door and drop them at the business . She thrived and now 12 years later is still doing well.Off the antidepressants.

Maybe SS20 is feeling defeated , maybe he wants more for himself  but can't make that change in his mind but whatever is his problem his behavior is signaling a change and I'd start with a  visit to a doctor and a therapist to rule out a physical and psychological issue . 

OP, you have so much going on with your mom, the skids,your bios,  your DH 's crazy work schedule.So much stress.I hope you  are trying to pace yourself .Please remember to make time for you.


justmakingthebest's picture

I really didn't recognize it as a possible sign of depression until you guys pointed it out here. I really was just frustrated with lazy, but it makes sense. We have an appointment in like 2 weeks with his therapist so I will definitely be bringing it up.

There is a lot of stress right now... Self care can come once the storm with my mom calms down and we have a plan of action. I am good. I have survived a lot in my life, I have it together for now- but thank you! Self care is important!