SS19 done messed up again, and again
I have written about SS19 before but for those who dont know/remember- he is Autistic, bi-bolar, ADHD and has Anxiety disorder. We get along well, but he messes up sometimes.
So on Saturday he didn't wake up with his alarms. I smacked his door at 7:40am (has to be at work at 8:00) told him to get his butt up. I drove him and he made it in the nick of time.
Sunday when I got up a little after 8 the back door was unlocked (we use our back door not front), so I assumed he was gone. At 12:36 his a$$ comes walking in the livingroom going "Oh no! I over slept!". I had zero patience for it since I had just woken up up the day before AND since the door was unlocked that ment he walked the dog (good) after I went to bed but didn't lock it when he did (bad)! Since DH is gone right now, I didn't want to be the one to do the grounding. So I emailed the hubs and waited. All I told SS was he needed to grow the f up.
DH emailed me back that night and told me to take his cell phone for a week. Which I did. Thankfully after I told him that that was his dad's punishment he let it go with me. However, I realized I had forgotten to take out the steak for dinner tonight so I ran home just now. 11:30 in the morning and his butt was not out of bed. He was supposed to cut the grass this morning. He also didn't do the dishes last night, to which I left him a note on the counter that was very irate.
I've already taken his video game controllers and his phone. He still has a tablet remaining. I guess it's time to take that too! I am so angry with him right now. Any other ideas on creative punishments? He is getting fined for the dishes already...
- justmakingthebest's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
If he’s really bi-polar
You are putting yourself in the line of Fire if he has a blow up. You can never predict what he going to do
I am not worried about that
I am not worried about that that at all. He is properly medicated and honestly a kind kid.
Just getting through to him and taking responsibility for his actions is getting hard
Is he eligible for any
Is he eligible for any supports due to his autism and mental health issues? Around here, adults with disabilities can get job coaching and other support with becoming independent. Given the issues he faces, he just seems very immature and not ready for any of this (so does my SS19 and he doesn't have those disabilities, but that's another post).
Seems like you could use some help from professionals with this stuff. Is he still in school?
We have him in all of that.
We have him in all of that. He is actually working 2 jobs (combined he works 20-25 hrs a week) and has a job coach and starting welding school through a state program next month! 8) He is really doing a good job there. It just seems the whole sleep and being responsible enough to wake up (with 4- count them 4, alarm clocks in his room).
His therapist, counselor and job coach all don't see independent living in his future- not saying a group home is out of the question forever, but not an option on the table right now for us.
We have come a LONG way the last few years. He actually got his very own bank account last month. That has been fun teaching him how to use a card, how to keep a reconciliation of his account, budgeting his wants vs. needs ("rent", insurance)! (That wasn't sarcasm, I have honsetly enjoyed it!)
So I guess - do they have any
So I guess - do they have any suggestions? Are consequences in order, or does he need other prompts to remember to do the things he has to do? Special charts, special alarms, more support from professionals? A skill-builder type person to come and get him out of bed in the morning?
His next appointment isn't
His next appointment isn't for a couple of weeks, but I need to bring it up.
I told my receptionist I was going in with a taser to get him out of bed next time! (JOKING!!!) but maybe there is something better for him. We don't let him hang curtains, only blinds to keep him on days and nights- that was an issue when he moved out with us. Maybe we do need curtains and a bight light alarm to have light help startle him awake? Then it would be an added step to his morning list that he has to open his curtains?
How's his sleep?
Having raised my DS with Autism, there are MANY people who don't understand that it is a completely different ball game. The normal rules and "punishments" rarely apply when you're striving for more independence. If you are a SP to a special needs skid and home most of the time with him, you are going to have responsibilities that others don't. I get it and personally, I think you should be commended for taking that on with love and concern. <3
How is his sleep? Is he getting enough or having trouble falling asleep at night because of anxiety, distractions, or off his routine in some way? My son was very structured and would wake up like clockwork unless something happened to bump him off his schedule. By him saying, "Oh no! I overslept!" it sounds like he understands the problem. He may just not know how to get back on track.
That is a good question. I
That is a good question. I honestly don't know the answer to that. He always stays up later than DH and I- which to be fair isn't hard to do since DH is up at 4 am and I am up at 5, we head to bed around 8-8:30.
I need to talk to him about his falling asleep routine and see if that is something that can be worked on vs. blowing up at him. Sometimes it is hard to not see a grown man- he is only like a foot taller than me!- and realize that he struggles with the basics and something small can have big ripples.
I agree with the poster who
I agree with the poster who said.. "he gets up when you get up". You are up at 5 am.. if he is not up by 5:30.. then you need to wake him up.
No you "shouldn't" have to do this... but this isn't a totally normal kid either. He obviously is not able to currently meet these obligations without assistance. I don't think "punishing" him is really going to help when it is likely a product of his other issues.. and may not be something controllable in the way that normal people would think it would be.
So.. since he can't be trusted to keep his own schedule.. you do it for him. Up and atem boy.
ETA... you really could put this off on your DH.. make DH wake him at 4 when he gets up.. but it sounds like you are "ok" being involved and 4am is a bit harsh..lol.
You guys are probably right!
You guys are probably right! Just a simple, you are up before I am out the door at 6.
I do still think killing the internet would be good and I could even wait for a scheduled 9-9:30 to do that, but there is no reason for anyone in the house to still be watching TV or on their phones at that point. My kids bus comes at 7:30 and when SS works he has to be in at 8. All reasonable time frames.
Thanks for getting me off punishment and moving to behavior modification for both of us!!
If TV and internet are
If TV and internet are distractions.. then by all means make your mornings at the house "digital free" zones. No one needs to be on their computers in the AM. Even your kids should have already done any school work etc.. It's too easy to get sidetracked.
My kids don't really have
My kids don't really have time for it in the mornings but I do believe that SS will lay in his bed for hours on end reading fan fiction and watching whatever random stuff about sci-fi stuff he can find. Keeping the internet on a schedule might just be the tool I have been missing for him!
It can be frustrating!
I'm sure it can be frustrating and we all lose our cool head from time to time. It's hard with kids on the spectrum or with mental health issues because they "look" like they should be fully functional. It helped me to remember that socially and when it came to executive function my DS was about 3-4 years behind. It helped me sort out what was a behavior issue and what was a developmental issue. Also, is it possible that his medication is affecting his sleep or difficulty waking?
It probably is now since he
It probably is now since he is supposed to take his meds at 7am and 7pm but for the last few days, thanks to his non-waking up has been taking them around noon and probably 10-11pm. It will likely take a few days to get him back on the right schedule so they don't mess with his sleep.
SS has been age adjusted to around 13 for a few years now. It seems that he is staying at 13 even though he is getting older, which is a little concerning but such is life.
Maybe try an alarm clock for the deaf?
They have them with flashing lights and bed shakers. Maybe that will get him up.