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She got away with it

justmakingthebest's picture

I dont know why I even thought there was a chance. She got away with everything. The judge said "while her behavior is borderline, it doesn't justify contempt. 

I hate the world right now. 

Oh, and the judge said he is going to take all the financial stuff under advisement. So, not even a ruling on that. 

Whatever. We quit. We told the lawyer we aren't going back. We are done.



futurobrillante99's picture

OMFG!!! I cannot believe it. I'm so sorry.

I think I'd be just like you and drop the damn rope.

DPW's picture


I don't blame you at all at this point. You did your all. I can't believe it!

tog redux's picture

Ugh, I'm sorry. I've heard it's really hard to get contempt charges to stick in Family Court.

Well, at least you are done now. He should ignore BM 100% of the time.

advice.only2's picture

I'm sorry, I gave up on the family court system ever doing anything right or just years ago.  

Gimlet's picture

I am sorry to hear that, JMTB.  How disappointing.

I agree with just ignoring her, she knows she is above the law now.  Ugh.

ndc's picture

I'm sorry to say that your result is exactly what I expected from that judge in that court.  I fully expect you'll get nothing financially, either.  I'm glad to hear you're finally dropping the rope.  Your lives will be more peaceful for it.

Cover1W's picture

I am so sorry - I was hoping for good news for a change but you've hit the wall.

It will be better now that you know what you and your DH will do, i.e. nothing.

Be prepared for it to be really hard, for him especially, during those times when your SS was supposed to visit or call.  My DH to this day gets upset every now and then and allows himself a pity party for a while on birthdays and holidays (I don't allow him to carry it through the whole time as there are others to consider too). but you two will go through a transition stage. Just be aware and supportive.

ICanMakeIt's picture

I'm so enraged for you! 
I don't know I've heard of a more obvious case of contempt.

What a POS judge! 
I am so sorry! 

CajunMom's picture

The BM always wins, regardless of the behaviors. I'm sorry.

We had our time in family court...short as I saw we didn't stand a chance....and we didn't. Even with a BM that had multiple suicide attempts, CPS calls by family and school because of living conditions of two youngest kids, raising themselves.....and even when BM decided to give full custody to DH...the judge demanded to talk with her. Mind you, she's in a "group home" 3 hours away with rules in place...she could not leave. So, we just let everything fade away. Kids were old enough to visit when they wanted, we paid our CS (in fact, paid it out early when we saw SS was going to fail his senior year) and let the rope fall. 

I hate to say it but family courts are destroying a lot of kids because those judges can't wrap their heads around the idea that a mother just might be a POS and not capable of raising children. SMH

Again, I'm so sorry. I fully understand your pain and anger. 

notarelative's picture

Borderline? I wonder what this judge thinks is contempt!

I'm sorry for DH and your sake. But, glad DH made the decision to stop torturing himself.

Ispofacto's picture

As far as the money judgment, you can't collect a judgment against someone on disability.  This has been a long road and it's total bullcrap, I'm sorry.

Put this behind you and live a good life.  Let BM wallow in her misery.


Stepping Along's picture

There is NOTHING remotley borderline about this behaviour. 

This is disgusting and disgraceful. I am so so so sorry for yourself, your DH and even your SS to an extent - not only have you all been failed but so has he by these stupid courts not taking a stand.  

CastleJJ's picture

I am so sorry. As someone who has also been failed significantly by the family court system, I know how bad this sucks. After everything we went through and all the proof we had against BM, our judge told DH to essentially "pay your child support and let SS9 go." That's exactly what we did. We see SS for his 6 weeks of CO visitation per year, do our CO weekly phone call, and pay CS. Outside of that, DH and I are done. We have little to no communication with BM now, which is amazing. If SS decides when he is a teenager that he no longer wants to visit, DH plans to let him go. We are done playing this game with BM and the family court system. 

These BMs can literally get away with anything, but at least you and DH can say you tried. You fought so hard! You fought a battle that many would have given up on long ago! You should be proud of yourselves. You will find peace in knowing that this is completely out of your control and you did everything you could. Drop rope and focus on you and DH.

tog redux's picture

Yep. In 6 months OP will be glad this happened because all contact with BM will cease, and life will become peaceful. It was sad that my SS was alienated, but it saved us a lot of stress. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Sorry abut this.  It seems insanely unfair but you are doing the right thing for your mental and physical health.  (Stress can kill you)

I haven't been through this but listen and reach out to folks like Tog who have good advice from traveling this path before you.


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

This is absolutely ridiculous. Does your judge know the definition of contempt? Almost sounds as if BM and judge are friendly or something. I am so sorry!

Definitely time to drop the rope on this one, but I would save all the documentation of everything you had against BM. Perhaps one day your SS might not be as blinded by his mother and if he ever wondered why your DH stopped fighting for him or anything, I would say it is all right here. My DH wanted to get rid of all the photos, etc. of BM's oldest child that he lost rights to, but he also has been worried if one day when the child gets older she contacts him and asks why he gave up on her, etc. we have all the documentation of the motions fighting against BM on losing her and she could see it all for herself if that happens.

Felicity0224's picture

OMG. I would just love to know what that judge considers contempt?! That is just disgusting! I am so, so sorry for you and your husband. Y'all tried so hard, much harder than a lot of people would have. I hope that after some time to rage and grieve, you can both find some peace finally. 

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I'm so sorry. These judges and their pro-BM stance regardless of said BM's behavior is disgusting. DH and I went through something very similar, and he dropped the rope as well. You can only do so much and after that, the expense and the stress just aren't worth it. We lost both skids to PAS, but that was going to happen no matter how much we spent and how many times he went to court. You tried. He tried. You did all you could do. Unfortunately, these BM's always, always win. Allow yourselves to grieve, then you'll find your peace.  (((((HUGS)))))

CloudCuckooLand's picture

What happened with the protective order, or whatever it was, that she was attempting to file?