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Pretty sure SS is smoking weed in the bathroom

justmakingthebest's picture

I thought I noticed something Friday afternoon but couldn't put my finger on it, or where it was coming from.

Then last night I went upstairs right as SS16 was coming out of the bathroom and it hit me. Weed. Attempting to be covered by axe body spray. 

I didn't let on that I noticed anything and calmly went back down and text DH who was sitting next to me. He texted back, "what do we do?". I just shrugged. Later before we went to sleep I told him to deal with it before my kids come home (17th). 

DH's biggest concern is where did he get it. He was hanging out with on of BS15's best friends (BS's friends like SS) on Friday. That friend is one of those guys that just knows everyone. I don't think he smokes... he is here to often he calls me "other mom" and I call him "other son". I feel like I would notice him. But I don't doubt he knows where to get it. 

Or, the scarier scenario is he brought it with him in his checked bag? Does he think he is that untouchable that he can fly with weed?

I dont know how to deal with this, without dealing with it. I am disengaged. I am not participating. I am just worried DH is going to lean on me to help in this. God, I hate this. If it was any of the other 3 kids, he wouldn't pause. He is such a good dad and strong parent. Everything with SS is just so messed up!

Comments

IDontCare3117's picture

Put him on a plane back to BM's.  It doesn't matter where he got the pot, or from whom.  Total disrespect for your home.  

thiscantbenormal's picture

This is an easy one.....his mom "works" at a dispensary.  There's more I want to tack on about availability in that state but for identity purposes I'm going stay vague here.

My opinion since he's a lost cause on being influenced by your household is to tell him in a calm tone that if he is using to please refain from using in the house and to refrain period when your kids are there. Same if he was an unrelated houseguest that smokes cigarettes. Either garage, garden shed, outside....just not in the house.

Kamore's picture

Nope nope nope! Give him one warning then report his behind! He is old enough to know better, especially if he's trying to hide it. Plus depending on what the laws are in your state, you may be in trouble for it! 

Aunt Agatha's picture

It's not legal anywhere for underage kids.  This is 100% disrespect on his part.  I agree with the above.  One warning, then strip his room, take the door off the hinges and give him a bed and covers and that's it until he goes.

I would also suggest putting him back on a plane to mommy dearest, but you don't need to spend any more money on plane tickets for this ingrate.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

You have a court order that says no alcohol but SS thinks he can smoke weed?  WTF.

I know you want to stay disengaged but you may need to step in on this just because it could have an impact on your kids.  And you don't need that after the tomfoolery from your ex earlier this year.

The kid is going to deny, deny, deny so your DH needs a solid plan to get to the truth.

thinkthrice's picture

Are the most judgemental people on earth when it comes to alcohol.

Another vote for sent him packing on a plane back to Mommy Dearest.

Felicity0224's picture

This is what I was going to say! You can't have an effing beer but he thinks he can smoke weed in your house?! What an asshole.

I'm not against legal marijuana. But smoking IN the house would be a dealbreaker for me even if it was legal and he was of age. I'd send him packing if he even smoked a cigarette IN my house. It's gross. 

With your situation, I would be very tempted to insist on a drug test before he leaves. Ideally one that would indicate that he has been consuming marijuana since before he came to your home (I think maybe the hair test can establish this?). I know y'all don't want to ever go back to court and I hope that you don't. But this is evidence that you might want in the future.

justmakingthebest's picture

DH is going to wait until the next time he goes to the bathroom. For 20 mins and confront him. He probably thinks he has us fooled right now.

SteppedOut's picture

He is under the impression that his mom "won" and he can do whatever he wants there. I hope he brought the weed with him from mom's dispensary.

And if you found out your son's friend helped him get it....Ooof. I would have a hard time letting my child hang out with him and I would definately tell his parents. If he is that comfortable contacting people and obtaining drugs for ss....well, slippery slope. Doesn't take much to take a ride to the bottom once you are on the edge. 

ndc's picture

My bet is that he brought it with him.  Why in the world would he think for a minute that he'd get caught with weed on the airplane (or have consequences if he did)?  Look at what his mother has gotten away with - that's what he sees and probably what he expects.  

I have no suggestions other than to try to catch him doing it and then punish him.  I wouldn't ship him back to mommy, because that'd likely cost you more in plane fare.  I doubt it would do your kids any harm to see the consequences of smoking/doing drugs in your home.  That'd be far better than having them see SS smoking weed and getting away with it, or being put in the awkward position of knowing he was doing it but not wanting to get him into trouble.

Stepping Along's picture

As someone whose SS is a bonafide addict (of anything and everything), I have flipped many a room. This is where I find stuff.... 

  • Rolled up socks
  • inside pockets of pants or jackets, that are folded up in drawers, bags, hanging up, etc
  • under floorboards (if you have them)
  • Inside pillow cases on pillows, especially if they agave zippers
  • Anything in the room that can be pulled apart/something lifted out of. Eg... a pot in a plant, under the pot, The pack of a picture frame, the lid inside multi cans of deodorant.
  • shoes and under the inner soul of a shoe.

Also as someone who thinks her as was smoking pot in my bathroom last time he was here, I started googling how they do it with 'little' smell and that had me looking for other associated paraphernalia. Here are some things to look out for

  • The inside of toilet rolls being removed. That cardboard piece they then use either dryer sheets or layers of toilet paper and put an elastic pans over the end and smoke in to it. The paper absorbs the smoke - allegedly. It was actually the missing cardboard toilet rolls that set me off on my quest last time.
  • so to add to that, any kind of tissue paper and little elastics.
  • empty bottles that have a large opening - think the kinds like Gatorade or Powerade. They don't have to be making a bong out of them, but can use them to breath the smoke back into it and 'store it'.
  • lastly and this is just crazy, but any long tube that could be used as a 'toilet snorkel' - my SS didn't do that, but I did find a really large tube from our fish tank, out of a box and that was wet which peaked my suspicions - but he isn't clever enough to attempt something so MacGuiver like!

I truely sympathise - my SS only just turned 16, is totally PAS'd but only lives a few suburbs away. I mourn the boy I lose but I detest what has been left, an entitled, rude, addict with no redeeming qualities. When he is in my house which is rarely in the last 9 months, I am on totally on edge as I feel like I am on patrol the whole time. It's still my house though and I won't tolerate any of his crap going down. 

Good luck xx 

Winterglow's picture

To add to the potential hiding places, check the underside of every shelf, hanging high from curtain rails... 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

To me, the fact that BM (and SS too i think from what i read) is so controlling and high-conflict that you can't even drink around SS changes the way you should handle it. Wait until another long aromatic bathroom break and then search him when he comes out. Find out if he got it from her or while with her and use that against BM in any way you can, to get her off your backs. If he got it while with you, i think he is still likely a chronic smoker, because he wouldn't be sneaking it in the bathroom if he was just introduced to it while at your house. 

bananaseedo's picture

Any updates on this?  Did he try it again?  Is it actual weed or a weed vape pen? They can smell also but it's a lot more subtle.

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

True. Most kids don't actually smoke anything anymore. They put the nicotine or weed juice in a vape pen and it is a lot less noxious. Or they eat the weed in gummies and little desserts and things. Normally i wouldn't "throw the book" at weed, but you guys couldn't even enjoy a beer while barbecuing on the 4th because of BM and SS the Narc.

ETA Google "thc edibles". They can be packaged just like little bags of Fritos and Doritos, and common candies like Skittles and Nerds. But there's a spot on the package that says "THC" and a number of milligrams. Give this little jerk and his mom a taste of their own medicine if he is in fact getting marijuana from his mom.