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DH and his "other woman"

Elizabeth's picture

DH made plans to drive back to our old town (about four hours away) to see a friend for his birthday. DH asked my parents if he could spend the night at their house, which is about midway between our town and friend's town. They were touched, as the last few times I have gone to see them DH has been unable to come along because of work, they were glad he wanted to see them.

So I find out by checking his phone today that DH had made plans to see his "other woman" while he was in our old town. This "other woman" lives 45 minutes north of said town, DH was going to be on the south side but said he would meet her on the north side. Meaning DH would drive 4.5 hours and "other woman" would drive less than 1 hour.

Obviously the only reason he wanted to spend the night at my parents' house was so that he could have more time with his "other woman." He could wine her and dine her with dinner and shopping and have a free place to sleep that night. Then he could come home to me the next day like nothing happened, high off his tryst with "other woman."

Well, I got sick and ruined all those plans, DH had to stay home and take care of me and our two BDs. He texted "other woman" to let her know plans were canceled.

Yep, "other woman" is SD20.


Elizabeth's picture

Yeah, my feeling is this hidden tryst is not any different than him seeing another woman. He is going to elaborate lengths to meet this "woman" and hide it from me. And now I have to wonder if this friend was in on the subterfuge. I must say I have NEVER stopped DH from seeing SD. Not once. Not even the year he took SD with him for a trip out of town and left our two BDs with me, then got mad at me because he couldn't find the restaurant we were at having dinner with my father and so didn't show up at all. Yes, that was Father's Day. How do you explain to your two small BDs (then about 5 and 2 at the time) why they didn't see daddy at ALL on Father's Day but mommy got to see her daddy? (Yes, they asked me.)

HungryEyes's picture

I was about to have a heart attack, girl, when you referred to his OTher Woman.

Until I got to the last sentence.

Elizabeth's picture

That's what she feels like, the way he sneaks around to give her money and buy her things.

zerostepdrama's picture

Why does he feel the need to hide his relationship with his own daughter from you? I think that is really sad. Whoever is to blame for it, it's just really sad. If he wants to see his daughter he should be able to.

It makes no sense as him as her dad and him as a parent and adult is hiding this from his wife.

Do you have something to do with him hiding her from you? If he said he was also going to see SD wouldnt you be mad, give him a 100 reasons why he shouldn't, nag him about it?

Elizabeth's picture

Like I said above, I have NEVER stopped DH from seeing SD. I have no idea why he feels a need to hide it. I do step in if it affects our BDs because I want to minimize their exposure to her while she is doing so many undesirable things. He hides almost everything to do with SD20 because, in his own words, he should be able to do whatever he wants for his own kid. Except she is 20 and an adult. And he gives her the world. MUCH more than he gives me or our two BDs AND it is my money he is using. He does work but makes much less (less than half) than me and spends tens of thousands of dollars a year on SD20, so not a LOT of his money goes to supporting this household.

Generic's picture

I don't buy it. I bet he gets a ton of grief from you if he so much as mentions SD. That's why he hides. And then you playing sick because your jealous. It's shameful.

Friel's picture

I dont buy it either. No man would see the need to hide spending time with his daughter unless he has over time been made to feel that he shouldnt see her.
He hides the fact he sees her so he doesnt get a ton of grief from you - grief he shouldnt be getting in the first place. I bet you wont be giving him the same grief if he spends time with your BD when she is an adult.

You created this. Enjoy.

zerostepdrama's picture

If its your money can't you just stop giving it to him to use on her?

Real talk.... you bitch about SD and all the money and attention that she takes from you and your BDS yet you continue to fund it and continue to stay in this relationship and put up with it..... nothing will change if you dont change.

I have 3 girl skids 21, 18, 14 so trust me I totally know how it can be.

Shaman29's picture

I knew who you were talking about. Smile

H has another woman as well. In fact, he decided to finance a used vehicle for her even though she doesn't have job. He's already paid for her insurance twice now, without discussing it with me.

In fact, he is now completely financing her car (payments and insurance) and I didn't get a say in any of it.

DaizyDuke's picture

I hate the sneaky crap! My DH just doesn't get it. I KNOW WHY he's being sneaky, it's always bottom line money. He doesn't want me to know that he cavorted around the mall with SD and 2 of her friends, because he knows that I'll ask how much money he dropped.

DH has recently gotten better after my continuous harassment about acting like a freaking sneak of nature and he did recently inform me that he was taking SD15 to get her semi formal dress. It's not that I need every stupid detail, I just don't things INTENTIONALLY being left out.

and you're right, it makes these princess daughters that these guilty dads are sneaking around with seem like the "other woman"

Elizabeth's picture

DH is equally versed in IT and I am not. Funny thing is, he's always trying to "catch" me, so he wipes everything all the time. I couldn't see what he does if I wanted, and he does all of this on his cell phone anyway, which is password protected but I figured out the password a long time ago. I used the home computer for work recently, and he was all over it checking the browsing history and asking me about certain sites I'd visited as soon as he got home that night.

ctnmom's picture

Ummm, to have her own life? WHY are these SD's not going out and tackling the world? They are soooo stunted!!!