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I am such an idiot

justmakingthebest's picture

I just cried in front of my boss. Like ugly cried.

WTF is wrong with me. I am so overwhelmed at work. I am so overwhelmed at home. I just can't escape it and he made the mistake of asking what I needed to be able to do my job better because he can see that I am not able to keep up anymore.

I am getting a new assistant... But I didn't want to be a blubbering idiot to get one! 

Of course if I wasn't dealing with court and SS17's crap and BM2, or all of my house damage from DH and the dang tree- I could probably keep my head in the game better at work! But then there is everything with BD14- she is just mean right now, nothing could have prepared me to be a mom of a mean teen girl! Plus all of her continued follow up appointments from her accident over Thanksgiving... she is getting her Wisdom teeth out Thurs- so that is fun too. SS22's issues are never ending and BM1 just keeps popping up... Thank God for BS16- he is such an easy kid.

Their SM is still just being "Awesome" and super high conflict. 

Oh- and DH is in my ear every freaking night talking about orders and how he is becoming more and more sure that he is going to be on one of the 2 ships that mean I can't move with him due to a rotation from Japan to CA or the CA to Japan. Which means I am on my own for 2-3 years. That is TOTALLY what I signed up for in marriage! When we started dating the first time, we went out 2X and I said that I couldn't be a military wife again. A year later he tells me he has orders to stay local and he is going to retire. So we date, fall in love, get married and now I am stuck being an unsupportive wife who is ruining our future or just shutting up and dealing with it. Because that is how military life is. I did it for 12 years with my kids dad and now 7 with DH.... I am over it all. 

I feel myself unraveling and ready to snap. I hate everything right now.


CLove's picture

Sorry you are going through all this.

Take some time out...seriously, take a mental health day, it will help.

classyNJ's picture

Oh hon, you have your plate full, thats for sure.

You need some mental downtime.  Its easy for us to say and not to follow thru, because with a plate that full, who has the time?


TheAccidentalSM's picture

Just having a person in real life to let off steam to would help.  Also you can work through stragies for dealing with the things you can influence and ways to let go of the things you can't.

In the meantime, you have all my hugs.  (Though to be fair, you'd only want virtual hugs or else I'd be adding to your misery by giving you covid, lol)*give_rose*

Merry's picture

Most bosses are pretty understanding about the rare meltdown from a good employee. It's too bad you had to fall apart to get the help you need though--but as a boss I've been guilty of the same. I just don't see when my best workers are at their breaking point, unless they either tell me or fall apart.

I am the picture of "I'll just do it myself" then get mad about doing it all myself. Can you ask for help from anyone for the stuff outside of work? No doubt you can handle any/all of it, but it's just a LOT at one time. Ask for what you need.

And you NEED some self care too!

TrueNorth77's picture

I'm so sorry you are going through all that! It's a lot for anyone. I would feel mortified if I cried in front of my boss too, and I know that because I have... We all become overwhelmed sometimes, give yourself some grace and don't beat yourself up about that. What's done is done and there are bigger fish to fry. 


ESMOD's picture

You guys have an enormous weight of things on you right now.  I'm surprised you haven't been crying every day..seriously.

I know what you mean though.. you don't want to be seen as weak.. especially at work.. but when we are stressed.. it can be a natural reaction.  The good thing is it seeems your boss's reaction to get you HELP means that it's justified and they value you as an employee.

I'm sorry about your daughter.. teen girls can be horrible.  I recall my mom asking me "when did you become so bitter".. it's difficult to deal with both as a parent.. and as the teen.

And  a knuckle rub on your DH for making you feel like an unsupporting spouse when he didn't follow through on plans you all had for his future.. because it isn't just HIS life he is's yours too.. after all you do for him.. to keep it all together and he gets to go off and basically exit the situation and concentrate on work without the day to day hassles you will have to deal with.

I think you need to have a serious talk with your DH about getting you some support.  You also have a SS who has some special needs yes?  You need some respite help.. you need some housekeeping help.. you may want to even consider allowing your SD to live with her "sainted father"... since she has decided she wants to be a pill...your plate needs some relief for sure.

justmakingthebest's picture

To be fair, DH has never said that I was unsupportive- it is just an understood as a spouse in the military. We shut up and deal with it. 

DH and I have looked at the long term benefits and it will make a difference in like $900-1100/mo for the rest of our lives. That is a lot of money for a couple of years of crap. That isn't just his retirement, that is ON TOP of what he would get if he got out right now. So, in the end does 2-3 years worth of suck make it worth it to never have to worry about a mortgage payment for the rest of our lives? 

But maybe we do need to look at a housekeeper a couple of times a month. I think he needs to push SS22 to work more as well. 12 hrs a week just isn't enough to keep him busy. SS needs more structure than he is getting. 

Even though BD14 is bitter and mean... I just can't imagine her not living with me. She spends the summer with her dad though and that will be a good break for both of us. By the end of summer her SM is always thrilled to have my kids leave. Can't blame her on that, they aren't her kids! They are mine though, and I miss them terribly when they are gone. 

And my boss is wonderful. So is his wife. I have been with this company for 8 years and usually love it. 

ESMOD's picture

So... yeah.. I was a military brat.. you do what you do.. you move.. you wait through deployments.. my mom had 2 babies when my dad was in VietNam & Korea.

I get that.. and I also understand the short term pain for long term gain tradeoff.

But.. that still does leave a few things you can work out to possibly make things easier on you.

1.  your SS22.. if he can't/won't work more than 12 hrs a week.. then you and your DH find him somewhere else to be/do for some more time so that he isn't so much at loose ends.

2.  Get yourself some help with your house.. your yardwork.. sure it will cost money.. but your DH is leaving a lot on your plate and this is something you can do to compensate for the extra hassle.

3.  Your work is helping you with an assistant.. so THAT should be improved.

4.  Maybe you have a talk with your kids about a little bit of the extra pressure YOU will be under and how you really need BOTH of them to help you by holding up their relative ends of the rope.. that extra cooperation will be well appreciated during this time.

advice.only2's picture

I'm really sorry, just remember take a breath and deal with just one thing.  I grew up in a military family and was married to military very briefly so I understand the sacrifices military spouses make.  If there is anything you can do to offload some of the stress either onto DH or other family members, now might be the time to do that.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Oh girl, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.

You've been so supportive and taking care of everyone for so long, but it's time for a reset. Tell your H that this isn't what you signed up for or agreed to. Tell him he needs to step up with SS because you're stepping back. Same goes for the court case with YSS. Tell him your bandwidth is maxxed and he needs to take care of YOU for a change.

Then have a talk with yourself. You've been doing too much for too many for too long, so STOP IT.

And be sure to give your son some extra love and attention. You know how I bang on about good kids getting pushed aside while higher maintenance ones suck up all the parents' energy. Well, it's true.


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Breathe, darlin'. Just breathe. 

Others gave you sone good advice. Can you arrange a spa day or a few hours to pamper yourself and forget about things for a bit? Not THE solution, but it seems like you're running on fumes. {{{hugs}}}

strugglingSM's picture

I think most bosses have realized during the pandemic that people have lives outside of work and have seen lots of people who are stretched thin and ready to crack. For most of them, this helped them to realize that they need to see employees as full humans who may need to lean in or lean out at certain times to deal with life things. I once ugly cried at work over BM being a bully and harassing both DH and I. It wasn't my proudest moment, but we were doing some stupid workshop where we were all supposed to get to know one another better and it was in the midst of one of BM's cage-rattling phases when she was sending DH nasty letters and threatening him. I think my boss was scared of me after that, but he would regularly shed tears over things in the office, so really...

thinkthrice's picture

But it is hard to get past it when everything snowballs at once!  Glad to hear you are getting help at work.   ESMOD is spot on.

CajunMom's picture

you are going through ALL of  this! Love what ESMOD said! Sending you a BIG CajunMom hug! 

EveryoneLies's picture

I can only imagine the stress you are experiencing. And my imagination might not even be able to match your reality. It's gotta be hard to have so many things landing on your shoulders. Like what ESMOD said I don't know how you aren't crying everyday. You truly are a strong woman. 

Sending virtual hugs. I hope your situation will improve soon.