Am I crazy?
So a little back story will go a long way before I get to my question. I've been with my wife for going on 7 years now. When we first met she had a 2 year old son, he is now 9. Needless to say I have been a part of his life for those entire 7 years. Additionally, my wife and I are both active duty military. So when we met we lived in Japan. Bio dad was not in the picture at all. He didn't call, he didn't write, he didn't pay child support, he basically didn't exist...this was from 2009-2011. Also, bear in mind that my wife deployed during that time frame so it was me and her son for 6 months by ourselves. Now, moving to 2011. We moved to Texas, where ironically bio dad lived. Wife wants to get him involved in the kiddos life which I 100% support. He starts paying child support, sees him roughly once a month or every other month, sends gifts on holidays and birthday etc. From 2011-2016 he never kept him for more than 4 days in a row though. Wife deploys again during that time frame and once again it's just me and the little guy. During that time I still drove him so he could see his bio dad.
Now August 2016 the military moves us to the United Kingdom. From August 2016 to until around May 2017 bio dad seizes to exist again (with the exception of child support). He makes not effort to call, however he does send gifts as appropriate. So in May of this year he contacts my wife and lets her know he would like to see the kid for a month during the summer. Wife is set again to deploy in July 2017 so they work it out to fly him back to the states after she leaves so she doesn't miss any time with him. Wife deploys, I take the kid to the airport a week later, he flies back to the states to see his dad. One week later I get a text from my wife (currently deployed) stating that she talked it over with bio dad and they decided that it might be good for the kid to spend a school year in the states with his dad. This is where I feel like I am going crazy. Given the background, given the history, given the level of involvement I have had in this kids life and the intermittent lack of involvement from his dad should I not have been at least included in the discussion of this major decision before hand? I was just thrown in my lap as if nothing I've done for the kid in the last 7 years holds any value. Let me also point out that he has had educational disabilities since I came into the picture and just came off his IEP at the end of this last school year.
My fear going into this is that 1. The little man will relapse in his education (it's happened before) and 2. Bio dad is doing it to avoid paying child support for 9 months (he was quick to bring that up after they agreed on him staying). I tried to express my concerns but my wife says, it's his dad, his blood and that she thinks it will be good for him. I support her and will ultimately concede but I just want to know that I'm not completely off base by having issues with being left out of the decision. Or for someone to tell me that I am crazy and I need to step back.
I just need another opinion on the whole thing.