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All time worst

jrpartner's picture

Rant here about SS17,

Yesterday there was less than a 2hr gap between when his mother SO left for work, and I arrived home from work.  That was too long for SS17 and DD14.  SS17 decided he wanted coffee from our Keurig.  We don't allow kids to drink coffee, especially a kid with hyperactivity issues (SS17 for clarity).  We have resorted to tracking the count of our kcups with a sharpie on the kcup boxes so we know when some "go missing".  

SS17 decided he wanted coffee after SO left.  He wanted DD14 to forge the number on the box so it looked like we had drank another one or more (his handwriting is messy, but DD14s is neat).  DD14 refused, saying she didn't want to get in trouble and he knew she didn't want involved in that.  SS17 was furious at the refusal.  He screamed at her, and although I may have some of the details incorrect since I wasn't there- she went to her room.  They aren't supposed to go into each other's rooms due to past arguements.  He went into her room, still furious that she wouldn't help him.  DD14 says he shoved her, pulled her hair, and continued to berate her.  She tried to leave the house and he stood in front of the door, still screaming.  There is video of some of this behavior she recorded on her iPod.  He was absolutely in a rage- screaming and cursing at her.  She left the house using an alternate door and ran to a neighbor's and called me.  I was delayed because I had already been pulled over, waiting for my speeding ticket.  Went straight to the neighbor's house to talk to DD14 and the neighbor.  Although my first instinct was and is to confront him directly, I called the police instead.  State police arrived and talked to DD14, me, then SS17.  In the end there were no injuries, and nothing happened that amounts to more than a citation for harassment which SO would end up paying so I said what's the point.  The police saw the video.  So no arrest.  No ticket.  He is currently staying with his brother.  I took DD14 out of the house and we both stayed elsewhere for the night.

Unbelievable, I couldn't make this up!!!

Comments

jrpartner's picture

@moving_on_again

justmakingthebest's picture

Have you and SO talked yet? Has she come up with a long term plan? I can't remember if SS's bio dad is involved... could he live there? 

jrpartner's picture

@justmakingthebest, We talked via text and for about 10mins.  I work daylight and she works nights.  No long term plan yet.  SS17s bio dad has not been involved in many years, and is unwilling to take him in now.  

justmakingthebest's picture

I would honestly start looking into therapeutic group homes, boarding schools that specialize in behavioral issues (I know of one that even offers grants to keep the cost very low), or military schools. He needs real help. Maybe if you approach it with DW that you aren't trying to "get rid" of him, but you know that he will not make it in the world without the help and therapy and consistancy that he needs. It is obvious that he isn't getting it here, or he wouldn't act like this.... -- I don't know, maybe she will be open, Otherwise, you need to leave or have her leave (I don't know who owns the home) for your daughter's safety. 

Survivingstephell's picture

So you protected his mother from feeling any pain from SS's stupid actions by not allowing the citation.  You just enabled and enboldened SS.  

Unitl you hold him accountable with the tools available, what's the point?  

SteppedOut's picture

Yep, and as his behavior escalates (to your dd or others), it will be his "first offense" since it wasn't ticketed.

jrpartner's picture

@Survivingstephell, the consequence of a ticket would only cost her money.  It would not teach SS17 a damn thing.  He is out of the house.  He no longer has a key.  He had to speak to state troopers yesterday, who frankly disappointed me but I supposed it's the law that allows abusers too much slack to do these things.

SteppedOut's picture

My child would NEVER be around that kid again. Period.

futurobrillante99's picture

I would like to warn you that my own brother, my flesh and blood, used to terrorize the hell out of me, sexually, when he was only 12 years old, I was a year younger. As soon as my parents would leave, he was at my door. If it was locked, he was banging on it like a lunatic. It was terrifying and stemmed from what started out as a you show me yours I'll show you mine kinda thing - what seemed innocent at first.

I bring this up to tell you that if SS17 is willing to fly off the handle and get physical with your DD14, he is not her bio brother, and I fear his anger could lead him to escalate things. Just because it's about coffee yesterday doesn't mean your daughter isn't in danger for sexual violence if he has so little self control. Please get your daughter out of that house if SS17 is coming back.

jrpartner's picture

@futurobrillante99, that's a true horror story and I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through.  I did not grow up with abuse, and I didn't have brothers or sisters so a lot of these issues are foreign to me.  I fear someone will get seriously hurt, and it may be SS17.

ndc's picture

What was the point of calling the police if you weren't going to pursue it? Your daughter was already safe, so why show her that you're not willing to follow up and have consequences?  You saved your SO from that aggravation, but now the "first offense" has yet to occur and the boy gets off scot free.

Time to take your daughter and leave. This isn't fair to her, and she's clearly not safe in her own home. Next time she might not make it to the neighbor's house.

jrpartner's picture

@ndc, thanks for the input.  She was not safe.  SS17 was glaring at us from the deck of my house while we stood at the neighbor's waiting for the cops.  And the cops really protected SS17 from me.  If I would've gone there in that moment, things would have only gotten worse.  The way the cops explained it to me, there are no real consequences for what he did because she wasn't injured or sexually assaulted.  If this happened next month after he turns 18, maybe a different story

Areyou's picture

this is when you  give DW the choice of you or her son. I would never allow my daughter around that child again. I would stop loving DH if he failed to protect my child from his violent child.

Harry's picture

You have to protect your DD.  The SS is nuts.  Either your SO comes up with a plan to keep her son away from your home. Not allowing the kids ever to be together now.    Unless SO really does something !!  you have to move out, or She has to move out with her son

jrpartner's picture

@Harry, yep the technical term is nuts for him.  He's at minimum ADHD and perhaps ODD and NPD.  I don't give a fuck what acronym the medical community uses.  Thanks everyone for allowing me to vent and for your responses

justmakingthebest's picture

ODD is really just bi-polar until they are old enough to be classified as such. He needs to be on correct medications to deal with his issues. Mental health is something that too many people just over look and don't want to deal with. He might be a totally different person once he is medicated properly. But until then, he is not safe to leave around your daughter. 

ndc's picture

Will he be leaving when he turns 18?  If the end of him living with DW is near, it might be worth living apart until he's 18 to keep your daughter safe.

jrpartner's picture

@ndc, unfortunately that is not the plan.  He still has his senior year of high school to go.  My parents live close, so DD could stay with them probably indefinitely.  That doesn't make sense though since SS has all the issues. And he seems to have nowhere to go, but also can't coexist with females.  Very difficult situation

jrpartner's picture

@beebeel, I made the call that SS17 cannot come back.  Too much has happened.  He is moving in with his BF

jrpartner's picture

@ndc, yep I had to look up the acronnyms to get it right.  Wherever I have failed SS17 as a father figure, hopefully his Dad picks up the slack...  It seems like the only choice for me and DD14