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Good Try

jrpartner's picture

So we had another round of SS17 acting up at the supper table.  He began arguing with DD14 after she made a (bad) joke.  After she said she was kidding, it didn't matter.  SS17 proceeded to be rude to his mother again, and right in front of me, so I had enough.  I actually forgot the exact words I used but it made him mad enough to leave the table and say "I'm sick of putting up with people's crap!"  I responded with "I'm tired of your crap."  I then finished supper and took a walk in the rain with DD14.  

Later, DD14 left the room, and SO left to run an errand so it was just me and SS17 in the living room.  I decided to have a conversation.  Told him a lot of things I've blogged about here, and some other things as well.  I put it all out there- good and bad.  That I'm disappointed we seem to be going back to a bad pattern.  And if he continues, he's going to end up living somewhere else because I refuse to keep living in misery.  I told him if he's going to act like an ass, I'll treat him like an ass.  If he's going to act like a decent human being, I can treat him like one.  I also said I know there's a good kid in there, and he needs to decide what kind of person he's going to be.  Also told him I don't want to and refuse to keep arguing with him.  It's always over trivial stuff.  In the end he talked to me, and things have leveled out (for now).  It was my best "dad-like" speech to SS17 yet.  

I can honestly say I've tried everything with this kid, and still haven't written him off despite all of the garbage behavior.

Comments

theoldredhen's picture

Hey jrpartner,

Chances and incentives for heart to heart discussions with skids (or any teenager, come to that), are scarce so it’s to your credit that you took advantage of an opportunity to connect with your SS.

Expressing your belief that ‘there's a good kid in there’ should let him know that you haven’t given up on him entirely. In view of his paternal abandonment issues, he’s probably looking to you as a father figure, despite his frustrating behavior.

Hon, you’re a military veteran with integrity and an attitude towards right and wrong that your SS probably does admire and respect, on the down low.

He seems to be purposely jeopardizing your relationship but I’m convinced that he’s playing the fool to determine just how far he can go before you do give up and kick his obnoxious ass out the door.

Hang in there, Hon! You’re so close to the finish line that it would be a sin and a shame if you gave up now!

notasm3's picture

Good job. I’m a big believer that one should be brutally honest with teens that their actions determine what kind of life they will have.  Make something of yourself or not - your decision. 

Cover1W's picture

Yes! I tell this to DH! Using the example of my parents, well mostly my dad, had a sit my butt down and he will tell me exactly what being an adult is about...and it worked. Ramifications in real world start changing as one gets older and sometimes blunt telling is necessary.