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Here we go again

jrpartner's picture

My last post was more optimistic than this one will be.  2 nights ago there was another skirmish between SS17 and his Mom, or a few of them I should say.  At dinner with family, there were 10 of us including 2 SO's granddaughters who were in high chairs directly across from SS17.  He was slouched in his chair and feet across the other side.  SO asked her son to move his feet so she could push the highchairs in.  He responded "I'm not making myself uncomfortable just for them!"  Nice and classy for a 17yr old uncle.

Later at home, I honestly don't know how the conversation turned but I heard him say to his Mom "You're always sooo rude to me... I can't wait till I'm 18..."  Raising his voice and staring her down.  I stayed out of this one, but it certainly got my attention.  My son from out of state was visiting with his girlfriend and I didn't want to escalate.  They noticed his behavior as being, well stupid also.  Since the other night SS17 has not been worse, but I suspect he is returning to his old behavior pattern of acting up for his Mom while I'm gone, while trying to be buddies with me to my face.  Defiinitely not as severe as I've described in some of my other posts, but it's not encouraging.


beebeel's picture

If nothing changes, nothing will change. Your wife will face the disrespect forever because she won't do a damn thing about it.

ESMOD's picture

Sounds like the classic situation where the kid has frustrations and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions... so he takes out his frustrations on those closest to him (ie his mother)... because it's safe for him to do so (relatively speaking).  Like a timid guy at work who has an ogre for a boss that he can't stand up to so he comes home and berates his wife or kicks the dog. 

I guess it might be helpful to try to figure out what is going on in this kid's life that is causing him so much angst.... it's not his mom in my opinion.. maybe the fact that dad isn't around?  Maybe he has teachers or a boss or is being bullied or maybe he is just frustrated he can't get a girlfriend?  He isn't dealing with his emotions very well. 

However, I think you are doing well to stay out of things in the heat of the moment when feelings on both side can escalate... as long as it isn't actual violence towards your wife or any other person.. that is a hard line for you.  But, maybe a friendly discussion when everyone is calm.. just between you two guys.?

"Hey, SS, I've noticed you have been pretty short with your mom a few times lately and I know it hurts her feellings because she loves you and doesn't know why you get so upset.  Is there something going on that you want to talk about?  It's fine if you don't, but if you ever need someone to listen, I will try to be here for you.  But, if you could try to work on your reactions to your mother,I would appreciat it because I hate to see  her so upset and confused."

ESMOD's picture

My point is that stepping in THEN is absolutely needed.  Right now, that doesn't seem to be happening.. so perhaps a discussion to the kid to figure out how to better deal with his inner turmoil would be appropriate.  If the kid raises a hand.. he is either stopped or police called etc....  My point was to in situations where he is NOT putting his hands on people.. that perhaps not engaging at that point might be better to not escalate.

futurobrillante99's picture

Part of the reason he's bullying his mom is because he's angry at her and does not respect her. I think there are other things at play here, but he's doing it because he can and he's angry at her for some reason.

That kid needs help - serious help.

beebeel's picture

This kid is in therapy and on meds and has been for years. He still punched his mother in the face. A nice talking to by stepdad isn't going to do jack shit. This kid is headed for a prison cell.

notasm3's picture

Inform the little jacka$$ that he’s not the only one who can’t wait until he is 18. He’s old enough for you to be brutally honest with him.   Tell him that he may choose to be a worthless POS but that once he is of age that you do not have to put up with another 10 seconds of his sh*t. 

jrpartner's picture

Notasm3 already been said!

jrpartner's picture

A lot of what you folks have said is true.  He has been violent.  He is taking meds (sometimes) and goes to therapy.  His Dad is absent from his life and it does hurt him deeply.  But it's no excuse for being an asshole, simply put.  I should correct one thing- he did not punch anyone in the face- the altercation I described long ago was the two of them playing tug of war with a backpack.  He won, and accidentally caught his Mom under the chin when he pulled away- stupid foolish thing to happen, I know.  He is not always this way, but when it's bad, it's bad and he crosses a lot of lines.

beebeel's picture

Yeah, I'm afraid that incident was more "accidentally on purpose" than your wife will ever admit to you.

Harry's picture

He needs perfessional help,  Some person trained to do this help. And hope it’s works 

jrpartner's picture

He's getting it, meds and therapy.  Some days he seems to do better, others not so much.