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My wife would say, "Whats the matter?"

Jon-Boy's picture

Submitted by Jon-Boy on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 1:01pm

And I would just shake my head and try and snap out of it saying Ughhhh! My mother....!

My mom is so close with my BS10. (I have 2 SS as well but she isn't this way with them.)
She lives and breaths for this kid. Revolves her life around him. Now I am thankful that she is in my children's life don't get me wrong. But it is so off balance.
She smothers me with questions about when she can see him next.
And I mean for example, she is asking about time with him during the school year on the hollidays.
FOR THE WHOLE YEAR! SHE WANTS ANYTHING AVAILABLE.
Now I am newly married and the school year just started and I am stretched to the limits like everyone else here being a parent. I don't have time to figure out in advance when I will be planning our family vacations or time together.
I don't think I am being selfish with my son's time with his grandparents.
But my mom is hogging all the time.

Her birthday was last week.
I called to say happy birthday and she turned it into a guilt trip on how very soon her grandson is going to be a teenager and will not want time with his grandmother, she will not be living forever and wants time with him.
She gets depressed and misses him to the point of making everyone miserable.

I can't even say Happy Birthday to my mom, and let it be just that.
If I was to take her out to dinner she would go if it was a chance to see her grandson.
otherwise it would be an inconvenience.

I think I am handling this pretty good. I keep things under our parental control.
But mentaly it is wieghing heavy on me. Always dealing with this on a weekly basis.
It's tough when your mom is not acting right.
I guess I need to somehow fix this. A boundry needs to be set.

Any advise on how?

Comments

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 1:04pm

out called "boundaries", I can't think of the author off hand, but very good book for anyone looking to establish some boundaries with anybody.

Jbee27's picture

Submitted by Jbee27 on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 1:07pm

My FH's parents are the same way about his son. They live and die by this kid. He's a "precious little angel" and can do no wrong.
They spoil him rotten and treat him like a baby.
It makes me sick. They need to get a life and stop living so vicariously through an 8 year old.

There are a lot of books about boundaries. And try to break it to her gently that YOU are her son and you'd like if she'd be just as excited about seeing you too and if she could treat the SS's the same way she's treating BS.

TheCharm's picture

Submitted by TheCharm on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 1:13pm

That sounds just like my MIL. Wow, and I thought she was unique!
In my situation, my DH is irritated by her behavior, but not willing to set boundaries. All I can say is if I have a baby of my own, that woman will never spend time alone w/ my child. Over my dead body will she do what she has done with her other grandkids. She has warped both of my SKs by bribing their affections with material things. She even connives and turns them against their father. She drops by unannounced on the days we have them. She calls and if we don't have them, she whines as if its our fault she called on the wrong day.

Since it is your mother and you want to set boundaries you are in a good position. You just have to decide which behaviors you don't like (the ones you listed), when she does one next time tell her it isn't acceptable. Make it her choice to stop or to continue the behavior. There's going to have to be a consequence.

ShirleyCressDudley's picture

Submitted by ShirleyCressDudley on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 6:07pm

The book is- Boundaries- When to No, When to say Yes, and how to take control of your life- by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's a great book about healthy boundaries. Your mom loving your son is fine, but she is pushing the boundaries with her excessive requests.

Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC
Shirley is a stepmom to 3 kids, and biological mom to 2 kids, ages 14-21. She is a counselor, coach and author. Shirley has a passion for helping blended families be strong and successful. She has a website dedicated to blended families, http://www.blendedfamilyadvice.com