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I now know... what is wrong with women!

Jon-Boy's picture

Just playin.
I have been listening to that Venus/mars audio book.
Very interesting!

Things are makin so much sense now!


SmileForMe's picture

women are making sense to you??
Uh oh girls...time to change the game/rules...the other side has finally caught on Blum 3

"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*

MarriedwithChild's picture

Makes me think about becoming the lesbian I had wondered if I was....jk

stepmomforfirsttime's picture

I just told my boss that I seriously thinking of trying the other side since this right side has betrayed me once again!!

SmileForMe's picture

All of my lesbian friends have extremely well rounded and happy relationships...they fight about normal relationship stuff then they cuddle and it's alright again:)

"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Well, I think back to when I was in college...I lived in a Dorm area that had 4 bedrooms, a big common area, 2 1/2 bathrooms...and EIGHT people in that area (called a Cluster)...Talk about major snipping and bitching. Maybe coz we all had our monthly's around the same time, I dunno.

Granted, I never met an entire lesbian cluster, so I couldn't compare their moods to our moods. I just know I was so ready to leave that type of college environment!

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

MarriedwithChild's picture

Exactly....Before I married, I was happiest and felt most loved when I had my girl-girl contact.

ty for saying what you said-

Stepmomtogirls's picture

Maybe thats where we ALL went wrong, we shouldn't be here complaining about DF/DH and the things that go along with it, we really just need to be with other women.

Stepmomtogirls's picture

I never really thought about it, but it seems like all the lesbians I know are far happier, even if there are SKIDS involved... hmmmmm..

stepmomforfirsttime's picture

I've always considered myself to be bi-sexual but never really been with a woman on a one on one relationship...but don't get me wrong I love men as well!

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Ummmm.............. so I'm reading this blog and it went somewhere totally unexpected.... pretty entertaining though! Biggrin

sweetthing's picture

My aunt is a lonely, crabby lesbian & her former girlfriend was a freaking money sucking looney so I really don't think that being a lesbian is the answer.

I am afraid though that the answer really is choosing a partner who loves you and is will to really hear you & be the person you need them to be.

I keep telling my husband that men who vaccumm get more sex according to Cosmo, not the men who lay on their big asses while their wife does everything after a hard day at the office & then bitch they never get sex.

Jon-Boy's picture

Ha ! LOL!

I can tell who read the book and who didn't....

I am worse than your man you have at home.
I know how you creatures tick! And!!! I am that same lazy ass bastard you have at home. Only my smirk on my face is riddled with, I know stuff you d-o-n'-t.... Neener neener...
Just kidding.

Seriously though.
It is amazing... this book.

And all this lesbian talk?
You will be amazed at how right you are...
Not to "be" a lesbian... but what it is you need in your life that your man can easily learn to do for you.
I would not waist another miserable day.
GO to the library and get the book/audio book.
Or- not...
It's your life!

Stepmom2Ched's picture


"Neener Neener?" OMG, That's one of MY lines!!!

Now you may be that same lazy-ass bastard at home, but at least you are making the effort to READ the book and understand it (or listen to the book and understand it!) Ex wouldn't read a book unless he were paid to do it, and even then, he'd wanna buy the Cliff-notes to it.

I've just come to the conclusion that neither person can read each others' minds.

My mom's observations: She was a talker when figuring out problems. My dad was NOT. He was a Thinker. So when it came time to solve a problem, he was hearing her (dunno if he was really listening?) but he was hearing her figure it out. When it came time for my DAD to solve a problem, he'd have it all figured out, but because he was thinking the process instead of verbalizing it, my mom had NO clue what he wanted her to do, then HE would get mad at her coz she wasn't with the program.

She also said she noticed that with women, they will brainstorm and at least TRY solutions to a problem. With men, they will brainstorm and shoot down solutions without even trying them.

Those are HER observations. Luckily, I have a husband who will verbalize the problems and solutions. (either that, or I understand men??!!)

I will see about getting it from the audio-library--thanks for the suggestion.

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

Jon-Boy's picture

Ya know Stepmom2ched,
You are on to something there.
You do understand men and you seem to understand your needs as well which is what he says is more important.

The cool thing is, in his book that same scenario you are talking about above he puts it into biological and psychological reasons for why we do things the way we do, men & women. And why we are hard wired the way we are, and puts it into simple explanations.

OK I will try and spew out something you will find interesting.
Now let me explain one thing 1st. being a male, I don't possess the communication skills you women have.
So I am using my memory and you know how that is in men right?... So be kind to my explanation please. I am going to be missing stuff, but you will get the point.

There is a lobe in my brain and your brain.
Mine is on my left side and is larger than yours. With this lobe i will calculate math, speed, distance and think and see imaginary maps in 3d in my head. Very fast. and accurate.
You don't have this. well not to the degree that I do.
But you have a lobe on your right side that is bigger than mine.
And with this lobe you use this for communication and it is attached and hard wired to the part of your brain that deals with your feelings.
So just the act of talking is emotional for you. And your word library is far more larger than ours.
You can speak twenty thousand words a minute and feed the baby while walking to swap out a load of laundry.
and not skip a beat. Men can't.

So take this info and apply it to this all to recognisable scenario.

Wife is talking to the husband. about her day
As she is talking she sees his expressions on his face. and is bothered by this. she feels he is angry at her.
He isn't angry he is calculating things.
He then says, I understand... now get to the point...
She is getting frustrated and continues to talk about all sorts of things that to her, is crucial information for her husband to actually understand her. Without this info he could never understand her day.
But the husband has already calculated the time this is going to take. And his job is to get the info and fix the problem. She does not need it to be fixed. she just needs to be heard. Sharing these words to her is sharing feelings, she feels closer just talking to him, HE on the other hand feels useless and just wants to help her because he cares so much for her, this sounds like a problem and he wants to fix it.

Men's memory is less than women because our lobe in our brain is telling us to deal with it, fix it, or get rid of it. We can't hold this information, so... do something with it! so we can function on the next task at hand.

Women's memory is connected to there feelings.
that is why they seem to hold a grudge, they seem to bring up the past.
These memories are connected to feelings which is the fastest way to recall an old memory.
Men calculate, and remember what works or does not work. there is no emotion involved.
Now that I know my wife needs to share her day with me. this is how she relaxes. I can listen, even though I don't feel what she is talking about, she feels I do, and feels we are emotionally connecting, and I am there for her, and she loves that. So for the 1st time I can listen and I don't get stressed out, I don't feel like I need to fix her problem. She is showing me a little spark in her eye which is getting me hot and our evening ends up way better!

I hear allot of times I wish I could get my husband to read this book.
But think of it this way.
If you get the book? You just stopped 1/2 to 70% of all your arguments.
Because not only are you fixing you. you are understanding him and you will not react the same way. the next time he bugs you.
His "stuff" that bothers you now? Will go away. You will know why he is this way, and why it is important for him to be this way.

Ok I HAVE exceeded my limit. I am done! I am toast! Sorry if it was too much jumping around. I tried my best with my little lobe I could.
I must go relax, and that will re build my testosterone levels and I shall then proceed to the bedroom where my wife must be dealt with!
(If you know what I mean!) Wink

Jon-Boy's picture

By the way that was some funny stuff.
leave it to women... Smile

I can't believe the tangent that took off to!

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Okay, Jon-Boy...believe it or not, I DID follow your conversation. The one thing that stuck in my mind the most was the part where you were talking about women's memory connected to their feelings. Why did that strike a nerve? Because my EX-husband was an excellent Archeologist. He could dig up the past, WORD FOR WORD, meanwhile I had NO recollection of WHEN or WHAT I said that he claimed. I would tell him, 'You're playing archeology again with me." It was like when something pissed him off, he would mentally hit the 'record' button and play it over and over until it etched in his mind.

What's ironic about THAT scenario I just explained is that I have a degree in Communications. I comprehend better by reading vs. listening. I know this...I had a college roommate point this out to me which frustrated me. THEN I found out WHY--I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30's. It was an epiphany finding out my learning style was the way it was because of the inattentiveness. I write a helluvalot better than I speak and I read a helluvalot better than I listen. Knowing that is half the battle, adjusting to it is another part.

On another tangent, my oldest daughter, who is natured like I am, was getting so frustrated at her father before he divorced me. He's incredibly immature for his age which I could tolerate when I was in my 20's, but as we got older, he still acted 12-14 years old. My daughter was just SO tired of it.

I explained to her, "Look, here's the deal. Your father is NEVER EVER going to change the way he is. You can continue to be annoyed by it, or you can just say, "Okay, I'm NOT going to let this bother me, I'm going to tune him out." She chose the latter and it helped her cope with his immaturity. He got pissed because I told her my secret on how to deal with him like that.

He got pissed that I basically told her to 'ignore him.' I told him, "Well, come on now...we've been married TWENTY years and you still think this and that are funny? It's OLD, it's something a pre-pubescent teen would find funny. Your daughter is 19 years old. She's past that stage in her life. I was teaching her coping mechanisms. Best way to deal with you is to IGNORE you. Haven't you noticed she's not pissed off at you so much anymore? It appears to be working." Did that matter to him? Nope. What mattered more was the fact that he lost half his audience. Uh, RIGHT.

Oh, another observation that *I* had was the way I watch football (yeah, I enjoy it!) vs the way my husband watches football. He can spot a foul ASAP. Granted, I haven't been 'into' watching football so long as he has, but I do enjoy watching it. I'm getting BETTER at spotting things, it's more like an acquired skill.

So my point is, I'm watching mainly the football--who has it, where it's going, if it's caught and from my peripheral vision, I can see if someone's about to get tackled. My husband is watching the overall picture, concentrating on THAT vs. just the position of the football.

We're both staring at the SAME television, from virtually the SAME angle, yet he sees SO much more than I do because he's not hyperfocusing on the football like I am.

Okay, off to see about Downloading that book from my local library. Thanks again for the conversation and the suggestion of the book!

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

Storm76's picture

Reading what you said about your ex reminded me of a saying:

Wives want to change their husbands, Husbands hope their wives never change.

Jon-Boy's picture

I bet finding out "how" you learn and handle things turned into a huge advantage for you, for the rest of your life.

Something I wanted to point out about the ignore coaching you did with your daughter.
I understand why your husband got upset.
You told your daughter to ignore him, now I don't know what it is he is doing that is so annoying, but I bet he feels he is connecting and being playful with her. So you just shut off the one connection he had.
So yes a guy may stick with something that is old and not funny anymore because it worked once.
But on another level, he may continue it to try and bring back that "one time" because it worked before, it was a great thing. And if it doesn't work now? maybe he is just grabbing a memory and saying, hey you used to like me, remember? Maybe he is just saying , remember that? man we have been together a long time huh.
(I don't know, just babbling a little about it.) putting a different spin on it. Maybe just telling him to get new material would have gone over better.

And as far as football goes. (Check this out...) I know you were not talking about football, but what you see in how you watch the game vs. your husband.
I am a amature fan. I am 42 years old, last year when the Cards went to the Superbowl? I watched that one game.
I can't watch sports (Team sports) there is to much going on at once. My eyes freak out and I spend my time trying to focus on all tangents going on. Which I can't with any detail. And don't get me started on the camera mans dumb angle! anyways, I want to know every player's move and why they are doing it, and see their results. MY MIND wants to make a graph of what works and what doesn't. I want to know statistics.
And very quickly I loose interest. I would love nothing more than to take that one play. watch it in slow motion, document what happened and why it failed or succeeded. And then do that with the next play and the next play.
I could do that with every game, every team and love it.
But I can't, so I am not interested in sports.
NOW... give me an X game contest or some extreme sport to watch. And I am fully excited! I can't believe the talent and the skill and the mind power and calculations it took to do the things they do. It is something I can focus on.

It's funny
My wife and I both call each other "Crack head!" when we see each other doing what ever it is we do that makes us, "US"
We are playful and understanding in what our differences are.

So here I am, a man. that should be like other men, but I am not. I have abilities that hinder me in what is considered normal, but I have abilities that I excel in that a normal man can't do.
so I am sure there is always exceptions to the rules. Pretty cool that we have that ability to recognize these differences huh... I am talking about you and I Stepmomtoched. It feels like little moments of brilliance. at least for me it does. For some reason we are tuned in to seeing these small differences in people and it somehow makes so much sense to us. I think it sharpens our skills for a great connection with others. The more we notice and make sense of it the more we feel we can connect and make a difference in someones life. which feels especially good for women. why does it feel good in me? I don't know, maybe cause I was raised by 2 very powerful women in my life. maybe I learned this trait because dad was gone. I kinda got girl social traits, now don't get me wrong I'll beat a dudes ass if he crosses me. But I tend to try and talk it out first and use force for protection only.
I know I can't beat sense into someone.

Another fun fact.
It probably took me an hr and a half to write this.
I don't know how long it took, but it took every bit of brain power I had.
Your post was steady and calm. It wasn't a fighter plane swooping down and firing off a bunch of crap. and then your gone, off in the distance. who can respond with that, except with another fire shot, which is pointless.
It was something I could respond back with..

You probably typed yours in 10 minutes and did other things at the same time.
I have a silent house, no one is home and I am fully focused on this. And before I click "Post comment"
I will use the spell checker and hope I see improvements from my last post.

(16 words grrr!)

And I could not find the right spelling for amature...

Totalybogus's picture

Stepmom2chad... were you closer to your father than your mother? Are you the first born?

I ask this because I find that i relate more to men and think more in the linear than in any emotional sense. Don't get me wrong I do FEEL stuff, but I am more of a fixer and file whatever is not useful under "G." I was the first born and my father raised me more like a man. He never wanted me to be dependent on anyone and always wanted me to have my own thoughts.

My husband on the other hand was raised with all women. His dad left when he was very young. He is more like a girl than I