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Bullied by his Ex-wife...need your help

J23wheeler's picture

This is my third blog, so I will avoid going in to a ton of details on how evil this woman has been toward me. Some brief examples, and a decade in the making - calling me "fatty", "loser", trying to run me off the road (while step-son and his friend was in the car), throwing paper wads at me during her son's football games, publically humiliating me, stalking, etc. What I'm really looking for is some information on the affects of being emotionally bullied by an ex-wife (or adult in general). I've done a ton of Google searches, but nearly all articles about adult bullying is in reference to workplace bullying. Anyone have an informative article/resources on this subject? Note: this is much less frequent since she remarried. However, I know it has changed me in many ways. That's what I'm looking for. Articles that validate how I feel and how it affects my behavior as a step-mom. Thanks.


WTF...REALLY's picture

You stop a bully by stopping take shit from them. You make that choice for yourself.

If she is a danger to you, get a RO.

Stand up for yourself. Its really that simple.

BethAnne's picture

I-m so happy this get a restraining order, protective order or whatever else you can to keep her and her crazy away from you. Don't put up with it any longer.

Bullying on this level is harassment, abuse and could also include stalking depending on her antics. Look these up. Also look up how to get a restraining order where you live. Then find yourself a therapist to help you learn how to stand your ground and work though your reactions to her harassment.

J23wheeler's picture

We finally filed a criminal trespassing order two or three years ago. That has calmed everything down considerably, but emotionally, I'm filled with resentment and damn near hatred because I know this evil woman influences her kids. Just wondered if the feelings are normal and what available advice is out there that could help me combat my feelings. That piece of shit woman enters my mind daily and I hear her name-calling over and over in my head almost as often...even when she has pretty much stopped her crap. Now she just works through her son, and I can't control my mouth or emotions!

J23wheeler's picture

Interesting you suggested Borderline Personality Disorder. I have researched it extensively in the past, and I remember it describing her so well it was scary!

BethAnne's picture

Not any where near an expert, but to me it sounds like ptsd type symptoms as a result off the harassment and continued triggers from your skids.

J23wheeler's picture

I have actually thought the same. It's as though her 3rd grader antics have really worked throughout the years. Her words and behavior never leave my mind, which I can only assume makes me less of the step-mom I once had the potential of being. I used to just let her words roll off me, but I think I was a fool for believing they caused no harm. My resentment meter registers so high that I think I broke it...because I feel broken! And I'm really pissed that I allowed such a horrible, evil witch get to me!

Glassslipper's picture

Does DH listen to you and sympathize with your feelings?
I'm glad to hear your BM got better after she remarried, mine got WORSE!
I had to get an RO, contact restrictions added to the CO and a trespassing order!
Stay away from her and enjoy your DH is all I can say Smile

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

The feelings are normal, if everything has calmed down and there's no need for a restraining order I would say you need to find a therapist to talk to so some of those feelings can go away. We've all been there.

oneoffour's picture

I would have got up and told some law enforcer type that the football game that 'that woman continues to throw wads of paper at me. I don't know why but I am concerned for the kids around her. She seems unhinged. What kind of adult does that?"

Following you? Turn around and say "BOO! Isn't it my turn to follow you around now? Or do you have a life?"

Publicly humiliating you? Honey, people only laughed because they were laughing at HER. And if they believe her, who wants to know people like that? I don't.

There is NOTHING you can do about her kids. Just be a good person. They will either fail to launch and live with her forever or make up their own minds about you. Either way, live YOUR life. Maybe take up boxing or kick boxing. Write down all the evil thoughts in a journal.

J23wheeler's picture

Oh, we have a stack of police reports! I was planting tulips around the mailbox one day about three years ago and she came up behind me, and just stood there. I refused to give her the enjoyment of my acknowledgment. I kept doing what I was doing, waiting for my boyfriend to come out of the house...felt like 10 minutes. The toe of her shoe was literally 2 inches away from my butt! He finally came out and she wouldn't move! Had to have the cops remove her! Another time, she dropped her son off at the house around midnight or 1:00 am on a school night. This was probably six years ago. She was pacing barefoot, up and down our driveway, wearing a see through nightgown and was clearly braless, telling her son she never wanted to see him again! She drove around the block, came back and demanded he get in her van! Umm, no! Police were called of course. Because ALL of his clothes seemed to magically end up at her place at that time, I reminded my BF that we needed clothes for school. She gave the officer a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, and a pair of shoes! No socks, underwear, nor shirt! And the officer said she talked to him forever about how expensive the shoes were. He then asked if she had issues? Umm, yes! She has paced back and forth in front of our living room window, wearing pjs and wet hair, always cussing and screaming, making the "L" (loser) sign on her forehead. She has written "fatty" in the snow on the trunk of my car. She has stuck out her tongue at me numerous times. Fatty and Loser became her regular nickname for me. There are soooo many more stories, but when she literally tried to run me off the road, I realized she is certifiably crazy - especially considering her own son was in the car!

J23wheeler's picture

Sorry to hear that! On one hand, I'm a little relieved I'm not alone, but on the other, so sad because I wouldn't wish this upon anyone! As far as the anxiety, oh my goodness! My whole body goes numb whenever I see her! She does stare downs (only way I can describe it) every time she sees me. I finally quit going to games and other school functions because I just can't relax! Another thing, which I am now coming up against is I am having what seems like uncontrollable outbursts about her now. Even in the presence of the youngest - who is 18 and lives with us full time. He has one year left in school because he started kindergarten late. I know in my heart that saying anything about mom is wrong! I have kept my cool for so long and have always abided by that rule, but as of late, I just boil over, especially when the son starts sounding like mom by saying, he will not respect me because his dad and I live in sin! Outbursts are part of anxiety attacks...or so I have read. It scares the hell out me!

Cadence's picture

Just read your post and all of your replies.

She sounds unhinged. I agree about the BPD traits. If that's what it is, she's a low-functioning BPD. The high-functioning ones don't take it as fart as she does and they don't act as bizarrely (aside from toddler temper tantrums).

You need an order of protection, like, yesterday.
You need a criminal trespass order, like, yesterday.
You need a neutral meeting place to exchange kids (police station is a good one) instead of allowing her on your property. I know it adds an extra "to do" for your exchange days, but it would be worth it to me for her to never be allowed to step foot on my property.

And phone cameras are your friends. Tape every single thing she does. Get cameras for outside of your home, too, so you can see if she violates the trespass order. Check your state's laws on voice recordings - if you're a one party state, you could proactively record every interaction with her.

Doing all of this may lower your anxiety significantly. Right now, doing nothing is allowing her to terrorize your life.