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am i allowed....

Jessiemarie78's picture

going crazy! bm believes my only role as a step parent is as his friend and never to ak him to do anything directly....i dont even know at this point if i am allowed to ask him for help.......she seems to believe step parents are to back off and not be apart of discipline or expectations for responsibility or respect. i really can only say i dont like the way your talking to me but not in an affected way.....i am to some how say it with out any tone. i cant say dont treat me like this. they both the kid and partner blame me for every thing. the 10yr old corrects me non stop and speaks negatively if he even speaks at all. he doesnt look at me or say hello or good night. so unless i am doing what he wants i am crap to him and she doesnt make it end....what can i do? if i want this relationship to work do i lower my personal standard of respect and let her define how i am treated cuz she doesnt agree? she thinks i am just hyper do i get out of this cycle and make a change before i step away fromt he whole situation and start my life over. we are going on 5 years. the kids been suspended has behavioral issues with just about everyone. the school has had enough of his bullying. and franctly so have i. i am not a slave, and not a piece of crap but feel like they think i am ridiculous and insignificant and when i talk to bm she blames me for more than i came to her with. she is in a cycle herself. i want to step out of the cycle and do it different. i am about to leave everything i do to fill the house up and if the pup eats something she shouldn't well lets hope she doesn't die from it. i am so going insane. the attitude and disrespect and constant bsh*! is too much.

any help is greatly appreciated.

Jessiemarie78's picture

the bm is my partner. i am her partner. her son is the step son...she blames me for everything. she doesnt ever agree...and she doesnt stop her child from disrespecting me or actively hating me fact most of the time she just makes me out to be ridiculous....and in order to see if i can salvage a relationship with her, if i can find some respect for her, i have to disengage most of my interactions with her child. and if she cant have him respect me and doesnt make me a third class citizen any more in my own home than its over.

instantfamily's picture

5 years you've been with a partner who you're still having this issue with??? Yes, move on. Without her support, what is the point? And clearly the school/community has a problem with the way the kid behaves- you are not in the wrong and your position is not ridiculous or invalid. You are a co-parent just as any step parent is. If you can't find some common ground then perhaps you should move on. It sucks and it's hard but it doesn't sound like a healthy partnership now.

purpledaisies's picture

I agree my dh doesn't give a rats ass what bm thinks or says he told her that. He made it very clear to her one day when she was yet again ranting and raving that I was making her kids be my slaves, he told her that what happens at my house is none of her business and what happens at her house none of his business. Of course this is only b/c we know no abuse is going on at either house. But other than that yea it is none of her business. just to make it clear i was not making them be my slaves I was just making them clean their own damn messes!!

Jessiemarie78's picture

and i dont fully know what all the abbreviations mean so i hope i understood half of what was said. lol!