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Does your DH ask you before letting skids have sleepovers?

isthisforme123's picture

Step off's blog got me thinking... This weekend SS11 is having a friend over. SD12 is having several for sleepover as well. Add that to SD14 and SS16 and its a full house. I was informed of this last night. It didn't bother me at the time, so it's probably not a big deal. But I guess I do wish he'd run by me before he said yes to them.

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

No. I'm not here on the weekend during the day because that's when I work. The kids generally ask me about stuff like that because I'm the primary parent home during the week. DH works M-F. I ask him because he's the one that has to deal with whoever is here.

If it's during a school break and they're asking about something during the week, it's up to me whether anyone stays over. I generally don't care. The difference between 7 and 8, 9, or 10 is pretty negligible.

Anne Boleyn's picture

It rarely comes up b/c the skids are rather unsocial for their ages. I would only say no if there was a really good reason. I don't mind. But he has always asked me when it's come up. And I encourage it.

queenofthedamned's picture

FDH generally runs it by me before he sets any plans in stone.... it's kind of a respect thing for me, ya know? I work full time and am in school so sometimes the weekends are crucial to my studying time. The skids tend to get loud/rambunctious with their friends, which I don't mind except when I have a huge exam or paper coming due.

Once in a while he surprises me by planning for them to sleep over at someone else's house. That kind of surprise is A-okay with me

Tuff Noogies's picture

"its kind of a respect thing for me" ^^THIS^^

i think it should be done with mutual agreement.

just.his.wife's picture

Yep. Any guests are required to be run past me.

DH and I have an agreement. Kids have to ask both of us, at the same time. So the asking does not happen via cell phone. Its in person, in the house, ahead of time.

isthisforme123's picture

For the record, I doubt I would say no, unless there was a very concrete reason - studying for my boards or something. I Would like to be asked though, just as a respect for his wife sort of thing. But he always handles everything skid and friend related so I can't complain. It'll be different when we have bios of our own though.

PrincessFiona's picture

I have on occation been slightly annoyed when DH just says yes to SD's request to have friends over without running it by me. However when I am rational about it I realize that I do the same to him. I just tell my kids yes. But in all honestly unless there is a specific reason that it's not a good night I try to allow my kids sleepovers whenever they ask. And I know that if I remind DH of another obligation or reason that it won't be a good idea he will back track and take back the ok for the sleepover.

Actually having extra kids in the house usually means less frustration for me rather than more. They tend to keep to themselves and are occupied with a friend. And they are in our home where I know where they are and what they are doing. I enjoyed those sleepovers as a child and I want my kids to have those memories and experiences also.

step off already's picture

I manage the kids' activities and generally our social/school/family calendar. DH's friends actually call/ text me to make plans because DH won't get back to them or will ask me to call them back. Same with his family for the most part.

Kids pretty much know to ask me first since I'm the one that knows what's going on.

As a matter of respect, and assuming we don't have anything going on, my typical response is, "sounds like it should work, but let me talk to DH just to make sure". I think it sends the message that we are a team and decisions in a marriage/home our joint decisions.

I would freak out if DH sprung a house full of kids on me. And I'm pretty sure he knows that. But I don't think it would ever happen because DH knows that he can barely remember which weekends are the ones where SS goes to BM's or when my kids are here.

Newstep's picture

Yes and it's always NO. He works on Saturdays which leaves me to deal with it. I refuse to do it. I had my years of my house full if teenagers every weekend with my bios. I'm done with that. If SD wants friends over she makes those plans when she's at her BM's.