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Great weekend

I don't trust her's picture

We’ve had a wonderful weekend and it’s just getting better.

Friday we were at the movies when the kids’ mom calls. When we get back to the car he has multiple missed calls. He messages her and she ignores it and calls him scream about how he didn’t pick up the children.

Of course he didn’t. He sent her a screenshot of the text message where she said he couldn’t have them.

Then apparently Saturday while I was at work he had to turn off his phone because she was calling him from every single number she could trying to demand he come pick up the kids because boyfriend decided he didn’t want to keep them.

We have an agreement between us that if she refuses to let him have the kids at the start of a visit he doesn’t go bail her out. She used to do this a lot to try and control him. She’d say he couldn’t have them for whatever reason then demand he come get them if she found out we had plans. I can’t tell you how many screenshots of our dates got included in divorce paperwork trying to show him as a bad father because he wouldn’t get the children. Thankfully my boyfriend wasn’t stupid and kept the messages showing she would refuse him time with the kids.

Anyways you’d think that was the end of it but nope. Apparently the youngest couldn’t even make it 5 minutes into the week before being sent to the principle because of biting AGAIN. This is at least the 5th time he’s hurt another student that we know of. After the last one my boyfriend got a call saying they wouldn’t be allowing this to continue but the kids mom doesn’t want to talk to him other than to blame him. She claims he doesn’t help her with parenting so why should she listen to him. Surely the school can see where the issue is? She can’t just keep blaming us when she has them throughout the school week. Sure she can blame the situation but it’s not our fault if she can’t get him to behave when she has him.

I knew this whole “co-parenting” would fall apart soon. She does it when its convenient for her then blames my boyfriend for everything that goes wrong.


Siemprematahari's picture

Good for sticking to your guns and I like the agreement you both have. This is a form of manipulation and mind control and you have to nip it. I'm sorry that the kid is acting out and biting other students. Can your BF visit the school and speak with a counselor about the childs behavior? See if they can help give you some advice or tools on how to handle this situation?

I don't trust her's picture

He has attempted to speak with the teacher but she’s been resistant to communicate and listen to him. Their mom volunteers at school so we know she’s in the teacher’s ear. The first bite I tried speaking to her at pick up and got told “oh it’s normal.” The second time my boyfriend tried to and she again said it’s normal for them to behave this way at the start of school but this isn’t the start of school for him. He behaved the same way throughout preschool and if it weren’t for the money they would have kicked him out. Then last week there had finally been enough that a formal write up had to be done. He messaged her and asked what she wanted to do and her response was very dismissive.

Honestly as bad as this sounds but I’m glad the child is still acting up because they HAVE to start doing something about it and the teacher can’t keep ignoring my boyfriend. We’ve had ongoing problems with the children but it’s pretty well controlled in our home. We know the kids should have seen a therapist but she keeps claiming nothing is wrong and the only problems are in our home or are related to us. Even right after their breakup she couldn’t understand why the kids might need to speak to someone and clearly the children were fine.

My boyfriend’s asleep right now so he hasn’t seen the message about biting but I know we discussed him going in person this week and demanding a sit down if it happens again. The kid hasn’t made it one week without a major incident. We know he needs to speak to someone and his mom needs to actually parent. We can’t do it after the fact. We talk to him about how he shouldn’t be hitting and biting but if it’s not on Friday what are we supposed to do?

Harry's picture

You don’t get the biter full time.  This kid needs perfessional help ASAP.  Unless BM does something to get the kid help. I would step back. “ you can not do more then birth parents” 

I don't trust her's picture

I understand I can’t but I can support my boyfriend. He is trying and has asked repeatedly that the children speak to a therapist at least. Right after their break up he tried and their mom simply said she wasn’t seeing any problems so they didn’t need to speak to anyone.

My boyfriend has requested that the teacher involve the school councilor if the behavior continues. He’s really pushing based on the fact the teacher can’t say what’s going on. I don’t believe he’s being bullied but for all we know he is.

But the school won’t help us. Their mom is constantly there. I really think from my interactions with the teacher she only wants to listen to mom. She wants to ignore the fact that the child is from a broken home and NO, things aren’t going as smoothly as mom want’s to pretend.

Mom wants to blame us for everything while ignoring the fact that she is part of the problem. She wants to claim the child only acts out at our home or when if it’s at school it’s still somehow my boyfriend’s fault. “OH he only does it on Friday before you get him” or “oh he did it on Monday after he saw you.” Well this is Monday after she prevented us from having him. And even if it’s true it’s only on Friday before we see him why is he so messed up that it causes him to act out that badly at school. Why is she refusing to seek help? She doesn’t want anything saying she’s not a perfect parent.