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Would you be pissy?

hismineandours's picture

Ok-after 4 months of ss living here and trying to take over my home he finally moved out last Thursday. Great, I thought-i can get my house in order and then relax. Well at some point over the weekend my dh came to me and said he wanted to have his buddy come down on Tuesday and help him clean out and wire the shed. Um, ok. i work so it's not a big deal. Then the next thing he tells me is that he will be camping out in a tent in our back yard Tuesday night because he needs him to help him two day.s Well, ok-I am not fond of overnight guests-but ok i can deal with that.

So in reality what has happened is that not only did his buddy, but also his son, and also his 3 year old grandson come on Tuesday and they are currently at my house still at this time. They removed everything from our shed and it has been sitting on the lawn for the past 4 days. It looks like we live at a junkyard-we live in a gated community and this is sertiously frowned on and I am expecting a letter in the mail citing us for some sort of white trash violation.

The three year old was apparently in the house unattended. Got into my eye shadow-ground it into the carpet and now there is none left. Noone cleaned it up. My hairbrush is missing. When the kid is not being unattended my 10 year old dd has been given the responsibility of watching him. Last night at 4am dh wakes me up and tells me I cant use the bathroom downstairs because "someone" stopped it up and it has to dry out, but that he cleaned it. I lie there and then go to look and realize that he has mopped up stuff with a towel-well maybe 10 towels but didnt bother to start the wash.

Each night, since Tuesday, I have gone to dh and asked him when his pals are leaving, when will he put the stuff back in the shed, blah, blah. Each day he has told me things like-they are leaving tonight, they are leaving in teh morning, or they are leavign tomorrow-same for how long it will take to put things back in the shed.

My dh has not spent more than 5 minutes with me since Monday. (Monday night he worked all night prepping for their arrival and work). I have taken care of the kids all by myself, the house all by myself, and worked full time. In the meantime, there are multiple unfinished projects both in and out of our home that my dh decided not to work on in lieu of wiring this shed so he can have electricity to stay up late out there and work on his hobbies.

This morning he gets in bed at 6am after staying up all night-he hasnt slept in our bed since Monday. I tell him he needs to get up, have his friends leave, and clean up the yard. I cannot take it any longer. He refuses. He does not want "to hurt their feelings" by making them leave. um, ok? But you dont mind that it bothers me? I told him I would call the police and have them vacate my property if he was unwilling to ask them himself. He tells me he will get up in a few minutes and tell them to go. It's now 4:00 and yes, I just called home and they are still there. Furthermore, he told his pals in detail everything I said. IN front of our daughter. I told dh that i would not be staying at the home tonight, but will be charging a hotel to the credit card so I can have some peace and relaxation.

Am I overreacting? I absolutely HATE my house in disarray. My dh NEVER informed that we were going to have houseguests-including a 3 year old boy for 4 days. When I tried to speak to him about it-he continued on a daily basis to misled me about how long they would be staying. In addition, he never told me that we would have the contents of our shed on our lawn for 4 days. When I finally told him I couldnt take it anymore and they needed to go-he yelled at me and told me he wasnt going to tell them to leave as he didnt want to hurt their feelings.


LRP75's picture

I would be more than pissy. I'd pack their shit up for them, load it all into their car, hand them the keys, look 'em straight in the eye and say, "Have a safe trip."

Then I would just STARE at them until they all felt so damn uncomfortable that they not only left my property, but vowed to never return.

Stay strong girl. You are in the right.

Superstopmommy's picture

Doesn't this friend have a home? Why is he still there? He needs to go home. Your house is not a campground

hismineandours's picture

Actually I dont believe he does. The friend is going thru a divorce-dh told me last week that his wife was kicking him out by the first but his friend was planning on moving with a another friend. Then the friends 19 year old son was waiting for a church to provide him with a residence. I didnt even know the 19 year old had a little kid. so, yep I am thinking that really they are just here as they have nowhere else to go and dh wants his work on his shed done at the same time-so he sees this as a win/win situation for him. He gets his shed done and he gets to be a great hero to these pals of his by giving them a place to stay.

stepmisery's picture

They have overstayed their welcome. Give DH 24 hours to get the crap cleaned up and them completely out or you call the cops and the junk man.

hismineandours's picture

I feel my home is completely out of my control. Its a big part of the reason why I hated ss living here. He refused to comply with even the simplest of rules and did exactly as he wanted-leaving messes everyone he went, refusing to follow schedules, and generally instigating shit with everyone.

I was really looking forward to feeling as if I could set the rules once again in my home. Do things the way that I wanted since I am the one who primarily takes care of the home. Instead I now have 3 houseguests (whom I strongly suspect have no residence of their own right now)livign in my freaking backyard. I continue to do every damn thing in the house, all dh does is come inside,allow others inside to make random messes that I am supposed to clean up. Yesterday he yelled at my ds13 to clean the kitchen although apparently dh is allowed to trash whatever he likes.

stepmisery's picture

Ugh. Looks like the apple did not fall far from the tree. I really can't imagine how irritated and annoyed and all-out bitchy I would be with these people being in my backyard, that kid being in my house, my kid expected to watch that kid(hell no), embarrassing litter all over the front yard... and my husband telling me whatever I want to hear that day to get me to shut up.

And then yelling at my young teen to do things he himself does not do. Uh, no.

Hanny's picture

Tell him you got a call from the honeowers association and they gave you 24 hours for your camping guest in backyard to vacate and to clean up your card or you will be fined. I'm sure it is against the association rules for someone to be camping in your yard.

B's picture

You live in a gated community, so check the CC&R's. Ours clearly state that at no time is anyone to "live" in a shed or tent in the community. Authorities will be called, fines will be imposed, etc....

hismineandours's picture

He probably wont care-property is in my name only.

giveitago's picture

I'd be telling them ALL that they can leave now or be removed by the police...DH too! Tell him he can come back when he can behave in a civilised manner towards you. I am sure there's a trailer park somewhere that is trashy enough to accommodate them ALL!

bi's picture

OMG. you must be married to my exdh. he had friends that came over all hours of the day and night. he would actually get up and answer the door for them when we were having personal time, stating that it would be "rude" to not answer the door. but i guess getting up during sex and just leaving me there was perfectly acceptable. as long as he is doing it. it would have been a huge problem if I had done it to HIM.

point being, these idiots don't have their priorities straight at all. we are the ones they have to live with permanantly, they should be a little more concerned about how WE feel than their f'g friends.

giveitago's picture

I'd arrange, on trash night, to get a few male friends/relatives round to shift all their stuff to outside of the gates and change the locks! File restraining orders on their asses, you are living in fear of them, and close your door on YOUR place so that you can relax some.