Because I constantly find myself biting it. To catch everyone up to speed, ss16 is in detention-he finally contacted dh after 18 months or so of not speaking to him. The couple years prior to that the only thing ss would say to dh is "hey can you buy me _________" and then eff off I never want to speak to you when dh would not buy him whatever he wants. Kid has lived with my inlaws for several years prior to his home in the detention center. Inlaws hate me. Dh has not spoke to them in a couple of years. Sil stole dh's identity and the rest of the inlaws took her side.

Any who dh has just had a couple of conversations with ss16 and he will just occasionally bring up stuff he said. Dh and ss have had dysfunctional relationship for years. My dh ALWAYS feels sorry for the kid- I mean every day- pretty much his whole life. Ss16 knows this and milks it for all its worth. He has never been able to hold the accountable for anything, enables his bad behaviors all of which he gets straight from his mom (dh's) who is a massive enabler. Ss is an extremely manipulative kid and a habitual liar. Which dh would always just accept ss's lies without Investigating anything or questioning him further. For example, when ss was 13 his bm kicked him out for growing a pot plant in her front yard. When dh talked to him about his drug use the kid told him he only used it once and didn't like it so wouldn't use it again. That was it- dh just accepted this as truth. Until bm called and said the kid had been smoking weed for months since he was 12.

So the kid is reeling dh back in. Told him that he was arrested (this time) because two people said they got drugs from him, but he didn't even have any. So dh completely believes this despite the fact that the kid was arrested for drug dealing just last year. Also despite the fact that I know information about one of the young ladies who had the pot- she reported never using it- she seriously was just holding it for someone- her drug screen came back clean and she was only in detention for 2 days. Ss has been there for over two months. He is looking at maybe another 9 months or until he is 18. Seems strange that he had no marijuana or drugs yet he gets all this time, right? Dh could just call his probation officer to find out the details but he will not.
He also told dh he wants to "change". Well that would be more believable if he had called before being arrested and not lied to dh right out of the gate about what he had done.

Then he he keeps telling dh stories about all the inlaws. Just prior to be arrested the kid would post on Facebook about how they were his only true family. He would post about bil being the person he could talk to about anything. But now he is telling dh how bil would buy him cigarettes, and how sil asked him to steal mil's
Pain pills and how she was drunk all the time. He is telling dh things fil said about him. To dh this is evidence that ss has seen the light and realized these are bad people (fil,bil are daily drug users and grow and sell weed). What dh chooses to ignore is that ss has played people against each other his whole life and that's all he's doing. When kid gets out he will return to inlaws and once again they will be on a pedestal and dh will be crap.

It is so hard to not say anything when dh shares these little gems. But I already know what happens if I do. Dh will get upset with me and get defensive. Sorry just had to vent a little.