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Update to psycho BM blog

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Thank you all for your responses.

I want to say first of all I wish I could be on here more. Baby boy is keeping me so busy and sleep deprived.

Second, I also want to say that even though I remain disengaged from any issues with SD, I am interacting and involved with SS13. He is an amazing skid, responsible and hard working. Does chores and helps me with the baby.

Also, my venting this weekend did not show that I was actually supportive of SO. I did listen and try to offer advice. I did tell him its hard for me because I am worried for our family here and that I don't want to give the wrong advice and then he is screwed.

With all that being said, I DID tell him if it were me I'd tell her to "fuck off" in more neutral terms. I wouldn't not give in and I would get a lawyer. That is what he needs to do and he needs to do it now. My earlier blog was all of my thoughts and fear about what nightmare will happen if I end up with an SO who has to deal with court/custody issues. I've read so much about that situation here and its so frustrating.

He pays CS (straight to her account-- no waiting for the system!), he pays medical. He pays the bills that end up at our house AFTER medical insurance, he buys clothes, bookbags and sports needs. If they want something, he buys it.

BM is now angry because SHE decided to buy SD16 a car (after SO said he will not buy SD a car) and that car now needs maintenance. SD has a job, but she can't afford some of the maintenance. Not his problem. He didn't choose to purchase a car for his daughter.
She is angry because SHE went to a dentist/ortho and signed SS up for braces without consulting SO first about this potential expense.
He finally texted her today to say, "I cannot help you with these expenses" Left it at that.

She then comes back with "aren't you thankful that I haven't taken you to court this whole time even though I could have to get the CS increased? You spend money on the skids for things they don't need, these are things they need. I never ask you for anything extra"
-NO a car is not a necessity for SD.
-Braces, ok, but she didn't go through the proper procedure to involve SO in the first place.
Plus, he could get them later and not now. Instead of saving for a "medical" expense SS needed, she decided instead to
-the anything extra is a lie. She has asked. She asked him to buy Sd a car last year and she asked him to pay half the insurance. LIE
- When the skids ask her for something (new shoes for baseball for SS when he went out for the team) she said no ask your dad. She purposely says no because she knows skids will come to their dad.

He asked her to speak with him face to face and she said now (probably a good idea because their emotions get the best of them face to face).

So now SO is going to find a lawyer today and set up a consultation. We already know that BM is NOT going to let SS come live with us. SO just said he wants it out in the open and for her to have to tell SS no because SS is still talking like he is moving. Its so sad because he deserves the chance to go to a college prep school. He has worked on his grades and extracurriculars all last year and so far this year in order to make himself look good on applications. AND BTW, she made the skids ask dad for the car money and braces money because and I quote SS13 "mom said if we ask you won't say no"

Anyways, lots going on and trying to focus mostly on my baby boy. His face makes me forget it all. Smile

We'll see if she follows through on her veiled threat.


Kes's picture

What's the betting that the main reason she's not willing for SS to come and live with you is that she'd lose her effing CS? Grasping bitch.

Helena.Handbasket's picture


You know that is why. It would be horrible for her if I were her children's father because I'd respond "bitch take me to court, lets see how far you get"

I would find a lawyer that likes to play games drowned her in motions and paperwork. Drag it out until she can't handle me anymore.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

And now she is saying she is lucky she has her husband because he is the reason she was able to survive financially after the divorce because SO didn't pay her enough CS (its what she agreed to via court) and he is paying for SDs car and SS's braces.
I hope he gets good BJs at least, since he is so wonderful and all.

Maybe since he can do so much she should forego SO's CS?

JustAnotherSM's picture

Don't let her talk get into your (or DH's) head. She's just talking crap to piss you off and then you'll be more apt to make irrational decisions or responses to her. Our BM used to say all kinds of horrible stuff:
- (to SS) Your dad doesn't love you anymore, he has a new family now.
- (to SS) Your dad doesn't care about you because he won't pay for X.
- (to DH) SF is a better dad to SS than you ever were or ever will be.
- (to DH) SS doesn't love you anymore. He'd rather kill himself than live with you.

Most of her verbal diarrhea is just lies - so laugh at her stupidity instead of getting angry. And also, take the time to correct those lies with your skids. My DH chose not to speak bad about BM in front of our SS to the point where he wouldn't even defend himself against what BM said. I think it's worth telling and showing the skids the truth.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Yep, the first 4 are what the skids are hearing.

He does address each thing she says with the skids, but it seems like its just happening all the time. At some point, it gets tiring. I don't even listen to any of it anymore and haven't for a long time. It gets old.

JustAnotherSM's picture

I can almost imagine how stressful this situation is for you. My SS was 13 when I had my first baby with DH. BM suddenly became extra psycho and her promises to let the skid live with DH vanished into thin air. Sounds very similar to your situation, except you have the added benefit of an SD.

I was very firmly of the same belief as you: tell BM "NO" to every request for extra funds and lawyer up in case of the inevitable. I was sure we could win. We had evidence, receipts, family and friends willing to testify on our behalf - all the things that we were supposed to have. But we ended up funneling over $100,000 to lawyers, doctors, therapists, mental health experts - none of which ever addressed any of the issues that were at play. But the courts were more than willing to revisit CS every few months, or whatever BM was pissed about that week.

It can be a slippery slope, and once you get started in the courts it's nearly impossible to get out of the system. You end up going back every few months to try to settle every little complaint that BM has. It can suck the life right out of you.

There were no winners in our case. My family is still struggling to pay off the debt incurred 5 years ago. I thought we were doing the right thing for SS, but the court fighting made him resent both parents more. The stress even affected my ability to care for my baby.

I think it's glad that you are already distancing yourself from the drama so you can be the best mom to your baby. Just be careful when it comes to the lawyer. Know your financial limits and set boundaries for what you are willing to fight for in court. It could save your family a lot of heartache and suffering in the end.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

I agree with you which is why it was hard for me to give him this advice. What if I'm wrong and she goes to court and drags it out. This is why I am pushing for him to consult a lawyer.

DaizyDuke's picture

Your BM sounds just like BM2. It's a perfectly wonderful world... as long as DH is paying for everything, doing everything and being her little bitch. But the minute your DH gets a hold of his own balls then he is the worst father in the world, doesn't take care of his kids, every man on the earth is better to skids than DH is, DH should bow down to BM because she (thinks) she hasn't squeezed every penny out of him for CS, blah frickety blah, boo frickety hoo...

That re-run has gotten so freeking old in our house and I'm sure in many other homes too. It has taken my DH a long time to see it, but I think after all the drama with SD14, that he is FINALLY starting to see that he was nothing more than a wallet to her and her scuzzy BM . SS13 isn't quite as bad, but he's getting there and his BM2 has been there all along. I can't tell you how many times I have had to say to my DH... "you should not have to buy your kids love." Unfortunately, HE created these monsters years ago, he set the precedent by giving in for so long and it's pretty much impossible to change it at this point. Other than to just buck up, take his balls back,, let the slandering roll off his back and stand up to BM and start using that most foul of words,..... NO

Glad you are enjoying your little guy!! SERIOUSLY, enjoy every nanosecond! I can't beleive my "little guy" is going to be 3 in a couple of months....'s picture

FDH still has joint custody, but SD15 doesn't come around much anymore (Woot woot!!! lovin it) bc of me- she hates me and is super jealous so she tells everyone we party all the time (?) so she doesn't want to be at our house. Life has honestly been so much better and less stressful on everyone.


SD15 only calls or shows up when she wants/needs something or $. Which is hurtful to FDH but the sooner he "gets"it the better. He won't ever get it im afraid. Since she has decided to stay with her mom more ANYTHING she asks FDH for he gives it to her bc he's afraid if he doesn't ex will take him to court since she has her more since SD15 doesn't want to come over.
I understand providing basics but of course she takes advantage and I feel like she has him by the balls bc theres always that threat of "court". I can't f'ing wait until she is 18, even though that probley wont matter anyway. I'm sooooooo sick of the threat "child support" hanging over our heads.
I've told him let's just go to cousrt and get it over with, if she keeps threatening lets go- I understand it could get ugly but ya know what?
shit or get off the pot. It's stressful and really f'ing annoying and it makes me more resentful then I already am

Helena.Handbasket's picture

This is how I feel. He has always been worried that she can take him back to court or that she will not let him see the skids more often than the court documents. He finally realized SHE ALREADY CONTROLS VISITS and he's tired of the fear that she could push for more CS.

Either she'll do it or she won't. I personally think she doesn't have the backbone. She's all talk and no action.'s picture

After reading this blog and thinking about it, I brought this up when I got home from work and straight up asked FDH ( We have talked about this before and I'm never satisfied with the answer bc I don't think he's being 100% honest) if the reason he gives SD15 whatever she wants is bc he is afraid since she's not coming over much anymore if he is afraid of his bitch ex taking him to court- He said " he doesn't give her whatever she wants and he doesn't spoil her anymore because of her behavior and her lack of interest with "us" and being a part of the family however, bc she is not coming over as much. He said he WILL provide any "needs" so her mother has no reason to take him back to court"

I do agree to a point but what he doesn't "get" is that she can take his ass to court whenever, so do it or don't threaten and it's making the relationship with his daughter more and more f'd up bc he only see's her or hears from her when she needs money or clothes or shoes.

My FDH keeps saying "it is what it is".............yea, when you let a 15 year old call the shots! WTF