SS15 is starting to disappoint-- update
Update to http://www.steptalk.org/node/199529
SO and I talked about it. We are going to have a sit down with BM and her husband. We don't think SS will willingly come live with his dad since we have given him the option numerous times. Whatever happens will pretty much be at the hands of BM. We love SS but sadly my SO Has lost trust and after SDs history of lies and disappointment, SO won't put himself out there again.
I was attached to SS and really thought things for him would be different. I don't want to disengage from him. I want to save him. But in the BMs environment it's an uphill battle. It's unclear at this point if SS is selling pot. There are some things that suggest it. Even if he's "just" smoking it and just sneaking and having sex with his girlfriend, the lies and manipulation hurt. He's doing it to both parents. I know some don't think pot is a big deal. We do. SO and I grew up with this as the norm and all we saw was bad things associated. He wanted to give his kids better. BMs home and lifestyle--- BM father smoking and selling pot and getting SS to connect him to buyers--- make it hard to believe this will end well.
We tried to take the leap and force it with SD already and it backfired badly. A lot of wasted time and money. SO is not willing to do it again. Even though it's his son. It makes me sad.
- Helena.Handbasket's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I feel like his own dad has
I feel like his own dad has no power. SO can give up his job come back and force him to live with is, but in the end will it make a difference? Will SS just learn to manipulate and hide better?
I have a toddler to think about. I made a conscious effort to remove myself from that lifestyle because it was rough when I was growing up. I don't want my son to live that way.
I don't. But I just can't
I don't. But I just can't help feel like he can be salvaged. Then my head steps in and says let it go.
this is where we are with
this is where we are with SS15 BUT it's already been going on for at LEAST 2 years. I would bet money that SS15 is not only smoking dope every day, but that he is selling it to. DH has tried everything, bitching at BM2, bitching at SS15, talking to BM2, talking to SS15, threatening BM2, threatening SS15.. but when it comes right down to the wire, just what is DH REALLY going to do? Get a lawyer, go to court? SS is 15, he can choose where he wants to live and DH is no fool to know that he will choose BM2 because that is where he gets to have no rules, no consequences etc.
DH hasn't seen SS in almost a year? I think he talks to him on the phone every now and then, but only because DH is the one reaching out. I think DH holds out this hope that SS will get into it with BM2 or something will happen there where SS will WANT to come and live with us. You're better than me though.. I shutter at the thought.... I most certainly do NOT want ANOTHER mess to clean up. Still reeling from SD16 moving in with us.. 20 months to go on that one and I am looking forward to freedom from all of this nonsense.
Daizy- it amazes me how much
Daizy- it amazes me how much we ( and others like us) have lives that parallel one another. I'm so glad to have had people here, you included, to warn me to put my foot down.
I know our situations are
I know our situations are soooo eerily similar!! What is your SD doing now? Our SD's are so much a like as well, hopefully she is out of your hair, so I can have the same vision for my future!!!
SD18 has done nothing but
SD18 has done nothing but fill out a fafsa. She did not apply to go to college so SO told her there's no reason to come live with him. Of course she and BM turned it around on SO and said see he doesn't follow through. SD told SO that she was applying to get an RN at community college now while living with her mom. I doubt she will start in the spring or at all. She Never visits us which is great. Only seems to call dad when she wants something and I think is also getting high. Works fast food part time. Eventually BM is going to get tired of having her there. And she's not coming with us. SO is also just done with her.
It really is sad. I had at
It really is sad. I had at least SOME hopes for OSS back in the day. He seemed to be the most caring and the least spoiled of all three.
It frightens me to see OSS on FB who barely passed High School by a micron thread, has no plans for the future (other than rock stardom :barf: ) is making smoothies on a food truck, is a pot fiend (and will probably end up selling it as well) and has moved in with his even MORE permissive (didn't think that was humanly possible) uncle (Chef's estranged brother).
In my case, the younger two are much, MUCH worse than OSS. I can only IMAGINE how horrid they are going to be!!! SD (stb 16) is already showing MASSIVE signs of rebellion against StepDaddy Bigbucks, the only "adult" in her life!! So far he's just taken a back seat to be on the good side of the BM, but as the years drag on, he MUST be getting sick of the non-parenting!!
I just don't understand. I
I just don't understand. I guess I never will.