guess my screenname really isnt true so much anymore.

Talked to H the other day about my previous blog and some of the things ive been feeling, feeling like I was getting depressed (or even situationally depressed) he kind of shrugged it off and said he thinks depression is no excuse for slacking behavior on my part. Other than that STUPID comment he made (and I was like have you ever been depressed? He was like I wont let myself, i still do everything that needs to be done - well I am too you idiot. I have been feeling really down in the dumps, but I am still trying to get everything done, not let myself fall) we had a somewhat good conversation. I felt a little better about things.

Then comes today, valentines day. I dont really care *too* much about it, but I do like a card or *something* doesnt have to be big. Even just going out to dinner... and I do the same for H, gift wise. We WERE supposed to go to dinner, we had a giftcard. Then he calls me 30 minutes before Im supposed to get off work saying he doesnt think he'll be hungry by then. WTF, our scheduled dinner was 4 HRS away. and he was like I dont want to have to rush eating(he had class before hand as well) before work. He had 2 and a half hours before he had to be at work. like seriously? He was like maybe we can do it later on in the week. NO NOT REALLY. Then he mentioned saturday. Which is when we are supposed to get sd. I dont mind going places with her, but this was supposed to be a valentines day dinner. time alone. and the idea was to not spend too much $$ as we are still tight on a budget. The giftcard would not cover all 3 of us; actually not even both of us- we would of had to pay about 10 dollars extra.

Then he said I just want to relax, i havent slept well all day. (he works overnight shift) okay thats understandable, but why pull all these stupid excuses out? So needless to say, we havent spent ANY time together today, because he had class, then he was mad at me, so he went to sleep after class. Fine with me didnt want to see him anyway. I am just so tired of this CRAP. I am tired of not being happy. I dont feel like throwing in the towel yet as we have only been married 9 months, but seriously when is it going to get any better? I just want it to be like how it was before we got married. I dont know how things changed so fast. He left for work and theres a necklace and earrings on the bed. My ears arent even pierced. I had gotten him a card, and his gift I ordered online, so its not in yet. But I didnt give him the card yet since he was mad at me, if anything I should be mad at him. We havent went out in forever. I just feel like we are roommates. The answers to fix everything seem so simple, but its actually attempting to do them while everything is the way it is now. We both have to want it.

Oh and the reason why hes mad at me? This is stupid, I was leaving the college and he was entering, He stopped me and thinks I didnt give him a good/long enough kiss. Gosh he knows how I feel about PDA; I am just fine with hand holding, light pecks and hugs, but it seems like he always wants to grope me, make out and I just feel like a sleaze! He doesnt understand my feelings about that, he says that 'its normal' maybe for some people, but I dont like being groped all over in public. We seem to have such different viewpoints on EVERYTHING. I try to see his POV and change some things about my behaviors that are offending to him, but it seems like he doesnt see my POV on anything, and hes the one who is always saying 'look at it through my eyes, I do from yours' doesnt feel like it.

Ugh Im going to stop b*tchin and get some sleep.