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Husband so different around skids

Happycamper's picture

Hi all! I've posted before so I won't go back to my history. You can look at my blogs if you like. I want to know if any of you are dealing with what I deal with. My skids are 17 and 20. The 20 year old is babies and enabled and coddled. She to this day says she's not over the divorce that was 8 years ago. Well the 2 skids decided to spend the weekend with us. They live right up the road. My DH acts so differently around them. When we are alone he's always affectionate and hugs on me and holds my hand. We always snuggle on the couch together. Be forewarned me his attention would be on his girls. Well I didn't expect to feel like such as outsider still. I felt this way when they were little but they are grown. He isn't at all affectionate when they are around. He waits on them hand and foot. When I ask him to do something for me he snaps and says he's been doing stuff for me all day which is a lie. Today I wake up to go snuggle on the couch like I do every Sunday morning and I hear a kiss and walk up and the 20 year old is in my spot laying on him like I would do if we were alone. Like really??? It's so darn weird and why the heck should I take a step back when the skids come over. I'm the wife!!!

Comments

ITB2012's picture

First: Ew

Second: their relationship is a threesome without the sex, that's what you're there for...so he doesn't get arrested.

Third: And if you'd consider even for a second that he could possibly have fantasies about his own daughters that tells you a lot about him and your relationship.

Fourth: I'm guessing this isn't going to change.

Fifth: and this is not usually my go-to recommendation but it is here---time to make an exit plan.  

tog redux's picture

Ew. The thought of snuggling and smooching with my father when I was 20 makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Personally, I'd leave for the weekend if they come to visit, if you don't decide to leave entirely.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

This is just gross. This woman sounds mentally disturbed and your DH sounds like he may be part of the cause, encouraging that. A daughter and a wife should not be interchangeable as partners for spooning on the couch. I'm all for having good relationships with your kids, but it sounds like your DH's relationship with his daughter is no different from a romantic relationship minus the sex (in another blog you mentioned he has a standing weekly date night with her.) It sounds like he never parented, not in the traditional sense of teaching, guiding, and discipline. A father-daughter relationship should be different from a romantic one. Was he like this from the beginning? Did he parent her when she was young, or just act like a catering boyfriend? If that's the case, their relationship will likely always be like this. 

shamds's picture

It hardly ever gets better and even more disgusting when they are snuggling or plenty of posts here miniwife having daddy undo and up her bikini bra because she can’t get it... newsflash, you can do and undo your bra on your own.

its laughable for a daughter to place herself in same league as a wife and even more laughable how desperate she is to sex things up... 

my husband only wants one woman in bed and thats the one he wants sex with - his wife!! Not ever sd!!

i told hubby how unappealing it was to have hubby as a husband with sd’s thinking they could tell me how to parent my kids and answer back to me like they had authority over me and even think they could demand how i spend my time. Hell to the eff no!!

Happycamper's picture

He's always been this way. I guess I've just hoped that the older they got the better it would get. But that's a no. I'm really furious right now because normally DH tells me sweet things like how he couldn't live without me and I do so much around here. Earlier I made the comment in front of SD20 how he needed me like he doesn't even know the name of our mortgage company. He sat there and him and her defended how he could make it without me!!!!! I'm just thoroughly disgusted at this point. 

SteppedOut's picture

You know where you rate; simply as a fill in for when sd is not there. Quit "hoping" it will get better. The only way you can make your life better, is to leave this man that was never free to give himself as your husband. 

shamds's picture

he doesn’t just snap out of it. Alot of these men do not realise at all they have miniwives as daughters who see themselves as the alpha female who is in competition with stepmum.

the husband has basically pitted his daughter against his wife. Very rarely does the husband put his daughter in her place (not as alpha female or #1)..

when i had enough of miniwife bs i told hubby when he needs his sex to destress then go ask your daughters because they are your wives. I mean you pander to them and place them at a superior level to me and our 2 young kids.

you go to extreme lengths to make life so comfy and easy for them but me and our kids are treated like dog shit!! I told hubby if he kept this up, one day he would be looking for wife #3!!

late last yr my husband told his eldest daughter who was 24 that what i say regarding our 2 young kids is LAW!! She doesn’t get to answer me back and disrespect me because my kids have a mum - ME and sd doesn’t reign in superiority. She has been sulking and not seen her dad since 8-9 months ago.

Catmom23's picture

Ugh.  That's awful.  I'm so sorry .  I stopped being around my boyfriend when his kids would be around (we lived separately) and stopped going to family get togethers/parties if his kids would be there because of the way I'd be treated.  He would ignore me the entire time to make them happy.  

I'd consider leaving because this situation won't get better.  

Happycamper's picture

I told him today how I felt. He doesn't do this with SD17. Its SD 20. He said he didn't see anything wrong with it and she was just a loving kid. He said he's always been lovey dovey with them and will continue. He tried to make me feel like I have the problem. He said SD20 would be mortified if she knew I was saying those things about her. Let's just face it. I'm always on the losing side when it comes to the skids. The skids were here Fri-Sun. He's turned around and invited SD20 to come hang out Tuesday and he will take her to their normal dinner on Wednesday. He's overdoing it because his ex told him SD20 is still upset over the divorce and feels like he left her so now he's wanted her around 5 days a week. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. She's a grown woman with no job, no motivation, no ambition and she's playing on daddy's guilt. 8 years later get a therapist!!!!

Catmom23's picture

Omg...they've managed to raise a professional victim.  

Unfortunately when DH's are like this with their daughters the men see it has having a "special" and "close" relationship with their daughters.  I remember one time my BF and his daughter were standing in line side by side for tickets while flirting and poking at each other...and i was standing in line BEHIND them.  He had this look on his face full of glee like "look at us!!!  We're SO CLOSE".  I had to inform him people were staring at them not out of admiration of their "close relationship" but because it was so disturbing to see a grown man constantly flirting with his daughter.

shamds's picture

2 kids in stroller and i was made to walk behind. Sd’s loved it and i was renegaded to behind but i shut that shitshow down.

family weddings and engagement are even worse,!sd25 & 14.5 are glued to hubby as total miniwives to avoid any conversation wirh ils which begs the bigger question.... why come of you want to avoid people 

Winterglow's picture

Here's an idea, take a photo of them cuddling on the sofa and put it on Facebook with a comment about how cute it is that they still like to cuddle even now... And wait for the reactions. 

Unsureofthis's picture

Why do they favour one over the other and act all different around their kids? So frustrating! I have the same situation; DH is completely different around OSD compared to YSD and directs all conversation at OSD, tries to impress her etc. YSD has noticed as well because the other day she commented to me that he take a "dominant" stance whenever he is around OSD - like legs wide apart, check out my goods type of thing, and it's actually quite gross. He changes completely around her. What do you do about it though? If you point it out you are told YOU are the problem and YOU are jealous. OSD doesn't snuggle with DH as such but given the opportunity will give him a head rub and he laps it up. I think a previous poster came up with the perfect solution; take a photo and put it on social media - shame them.

Happycamper's picture

Yes of course I got told that I was jealous of the skids today. Geez. I guess if you are going to ignore me when they are here and all your love goes to them and I'm supposed to sit on the back burner then maybe he is creating jealousy. Jealousy and nausea all in one. 

JRI's picture

Just imagine if the situation wete reversed and you were acting like this with a grown son.  I wonder how your DH would react.

ITB2012's picture

Print off your post and this string of responses. Change the usernames if you want and don't put the site, but use it to show him it's not you. Society is not accepting of incestual behavior.

It helped me a lot to show DH where he was being stubbornly ignorant about some common decency and appropriate behavior.