However it's totally different if they are doing it not out of hurt or pain but because they didn't get their way. I'm in a similar situation. My Bio son and SS are both 10 and while I know there are no to people alike--I also know that most 10 year old boys don't cry and whine over every little thing.

My SS will be told no he can't go somehwere--and we always explain why--we don't say no just to say it--he'll whine, cry, beg--still be told no and then get mad and rage at us.

My BioSon on the other hand will ask something, be told no, do the "Pleeeeeease mom" routine, but when I explain he lets it go and moves on to something else.

IN our case "No" doesn't always nesassarily mean no. Not because of us--but because of BM. My SS has even admitted to his dad that he can get anything he wants from his mom if he just "begs and whines long enough"

So what we do is make it clear it's not acceptable. No means No and nothing will change that. NOTHING! Then if he continues to whine we send him to his room and say "When you are done whinning you can come out. No one wants to hear it."

For the most part this works and you could try it. There is always that chance that you SS is just extremely sensitive--but that would mean he cries all the time and not just when he gets in trouble or is told no. HOpe that helped.

Alisha

Hello,

Well, I know that he is a boy, but I have a 9 year old SD, and she cries over everything. I also have a nephew who is 10 and i'm being told that he is doing the same thing. His mother is fit to be tied over it and is sooooo annoyed by it. She thinks it's because he is in his "tweener" stage and the hormones are all out of whack.......

But, I do think that my SD is more dramatic because of her mother. She does not have custody, and she is in a lot of pain over this. So, when she does get to see mom, unfortunately she picks on her and calls her things that really make her sensitive.

You could go either way on why they are acting this way. Trust me, last night my husband and I just sat back and watched her go through about 5 different emotions from 5pm - 7:30 pm. We finally told her to go to sleep and tomorow will be a better day. Well, she woke up crying, so we'll see what we get when I pick her up from school.

Good luck to you!

If you tell my ss no, he tears up...why you ask? B/c it works. If the women in his life see his eyes well up with tears, they jump to change their answer, and get him what he wants before those tears hit his cheeks. They can't handle the guilt of parenting, so guess what? It teaches a child that he can manipulate those around him.

Last weekend, we were thinking of going snowboarding at a local ski resort. SS heard us talking about it, and got excited about it. Of course 1/2 his snow gear is at our house, and 1/2 is lost or at his mothers' house. He calls his mother, and tells her we ARE taking him snowboarding...my dh yelled towards ss talking on the phone..."We aren't for sure going..." well, it ended up that we didn't go. So what does ss do? Calls his mother in full tears! We never promised, and he drops tears immediately...and suddenly while he was on the phone with his mother, she promised him something, and he immediately stopped crying.

So we are going this weekend, and now ss says he doesn't ever want to go with us....we will never appeal to this kid.

Candice

but he doesn't cry or whine about things- at least not anymore. He does mope around when he's upset, but he understands that no means no, and there's no way around it. But he has a tendency to stuff all his feelings inside, bottle up. He is a people pleaser, and picks up some of his mother's tendencies of numbness.

When I first started dating my DH, I did recognize that SS needed kids, particularly boys around his age, because he acted sooo immature. So, we did our best to enroll him in some sports, and different kid activities so that he could get some interaction with boys his own age. That helped greatly. There just wasn't enough influence in his age group around him, and he only had a baby brother and sister at home at his mothers to play with. So, often he either had to set the example, being the oldest of the three kids or he took on babyish attitudes for attention that his mother gave the babies. He was often confused over his role in her household, and often took on a caregiver role because his mother didn't. So when he did it, is was mostly attention seeking. That's when she feed into him, and he learned that he got attention from it.

One thing that I am relieved about is that as soon as his step brother was in the picture on a regular, now permanent basis, he started to mature drastically. He is a year older than him, and SS started to crib his behavior, thinking, and attitude. He has a 'role model' to follow, and someone close to his age now, and for the most part, he's been a good influence thus far. However, we do have some tendencies because his SB has been spoiled all his life, so we have had some whining and some manipulation strings attempted that he picked up from his SB. But we just stand firm with our rules and he knows that he can't push the boundaries, we've been able to catch everyone.

So, perhaps it's for attention? Does he get outside often? There could be a whole series of factors that are contributing to it. He could just be very sensitive, and if that's the case, you may need to constantly reinforce positive behavior, and build self esteem. I don't know.

I would recommend that when you say no... no means no, and nothing more. In fact, we don't always give SS an explanation, that's teaching them to question authority, in my opinion, maybe use your judgment on the situation. We are adults, they are the child. There are just some situations that No, I don't want you to go to the park by yourself, because I don't want you to... conversation over. No further explanation. So sometimes, when you explain to no end why you say no so that they don't get their feelings hurt, in essence, it could be that they are trying to discredit the reason... that's what my SS would try to do, he learned that okay, if we gave him an explanation, he figured out to discredit it, whine and mumble and dispute us. But we just now, say no, he starts to whine, what did I say? No, what does that mean? NO... but... that's it... conversation over. We don't go any further when he starts to attempt to manipulate the issue. So, I think you're on the right path about the going to your room deal. We just stare at SS and ignore him.

We don't have too many problems with him and his behavior for the most part, but when it does happen, he knows that we are the adults, and he is the child, we're not budging on it. I know that he gets his way at his mothers, but here... there are rules to follow, structure, and all ends well that is well.