Some Thoughts on a Failed Blended Family
As the new year has gotten underway, I've been doing a lot of thinking about where I am , where I'm going, and where I've been. For pensive, sensitive souls like me, that can sometimes lead to melancholy. That's where I am this morning- in a mire of melancholy and feeling sorry for myself. I know it'll pass, but I thought I'd share some thoughts on here, get them out of head (hopefully).
I grew up in a "broken" family. My parents were divorced when I was 7. They're the only couple in my family to have gotten divorced. So, all around me were these "whole" families. Mom, Dad, a couple of kids all related by blood, who have the same name and live in the same house. Nobody has to switch houses every other weekend. Nobody has to miss holidays with one parent. I always, all my life, felt like I was missing out on "normal life."
I got married, had a child, was planning for a second child, when I discovered my now-ex was having a long-term affair with an 18-year-old with two children of her own. We went to counseling once, he refused to break off the relationship when the counselor told him he needed to, I walked out of the session, packed up his shit, and never looked back. All I ever wanted was for my own child to have a "real" family. Nope. Denied. My child, from the age of barely 3, has had to split his time between homes 50/50. He's had to deal with the fallout from a divorce.
Later, I met my now-husband. He is wonderful to my son. He had his two boys 50/50. He was the parent while BM was the Disney Mom. Everything was great while we were dating, then after we got engaged, then even later when we joined households. We blended beautifully. A month before our marriage, BM started the PAS. Within a year, DH's younger son refused visitation. DH made him come anyway, then the CPS visits due to false allegations started. We weathered all the storms that came our way, and they were constant. Within another year, DH's older son made more false allegations (prodded by BM), more CPS investigations ensued, and he refused visitation. Since he was 16, DH couldn't physically make him come to our home, and he refused visits outside the home, so that was that. DH has had no contact with either kid for two years now despite repeated attempts to contact them by phone, email,and Facebook. He continues to try to make contact to this day. Radio silence.
Another chance at a family destroyed.
I know family is what you make it, and the traditional nuclear family isn't so traditional anymore. It's just that it seems like such a simple, basic thing to ask for. A regular old family. Why was I denied that?
Pity party over. I just needed to let that out.
P.S.- Please, no hateful comments. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. I'm in a rough place today and don't need it.