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UPDATE: SK Freedom - For the Most Part

FrustratedandLost's picture

Update:

So, I found out that the bratty SD plans on staying with us for most of the summer. My anxiety level just went up. I had my sis in law ask her because SD talks to her about everything. So, I got a text this morning that SD does not know if she will be staying or not because she doesn't know if her summer school classes are going to be in a classroom or virtual. I am praying that they will be in classroom sometimes because I don't want SD with us all summer. What really irritates me is that the SD doesn't even ask if she can stay with us. She just shows up with her stuff and when ask how long she's staying, she just gives an I don't know answer. My DH doesn't say anything about her doing this; he just allows her to do what she wants. The same thing happened at christmas when I told him she could stay a couple weeks and he had a fit which led to an argument.  He doesn't tell his kid no and that is a problem. So she just assumes that since we have a house now that she can do what she wants and I have no say. I guess we will find out next weekend when she comes up to work her measely four hours at her job for the month, waste of gas IMO, we will see how much stuff she brings. 

I told my sis in law that I don't want her here that long and that this is not her house. I told sis in law that I will never live with SD or anybody else again. Probably wrong but oh well. She said that the BM is mean to the SD and that's probably why she wants to come to our house. I said karma has come to her because she was rude and disrespectful to me for so long. I said why should my peace be interrupted by her. 

I feel like I'm disrespected by him and by her. A couple months ago, my DH and I got into an argument and talked about a divorce, to which I called a divorce attorney and found out my rights. I don't know what to do now that I know that she is planning on staying that long. My husband doesn't support me in what I want/feel and she's a self-entitled brat that gets what she wants. 

Anyways, does anybody do anything outside the house when their bratty SKs come to visit for long periods of time? If so, what kinds of activities or self-care do you do for yourself? I'm looking for ideas because I don't know what to do with myself when she is here. I thought about getting a part time job but I don't know how that would be working full time. Thank you in advance for any advice or suggestions. All would be appreciated. 

Original Post Below.

It has been a while since I've been on here. I think since last year. Last year in the spring, I blew up in the mortgage lenders office and told my husband I couldn't take living in his mom's house anymore and that I've had it. In September of last year, we bought  house and in October we moved in. Youngest hell SD moved to her mom's house in August of last year and we have been childless (thank Goodness), for the most part. Oldest SD doesn't have anything to do with DH unless the little B@#$% wants something which is hardly ever. We never see her except if she comes to a family get together. The last one was Mother's day at my SIL's house and oldest SD didn't talk to DH except to say hello and goodbye. 

It has been so wonderful that we do not live with the SKs and that they are not here. The only time the youngest SD comes is when she works for four hours on the first weekend of the month and if she has a break from school. But I still get anxiety when I know that she is coming to our house. It goes by fast and part of the time she is gone. But the time that she is here, I feel like I walk on eggshells still with her. I don't know why when this is my house and not hers. She thinks that evrything that her dad has is her house. I have told him that nobody will ever live here with us again. I told him don't even ask because it's not happening. His youngest SD is out of school I think today and will be going to summer school starting June 6th. But I'm getting anxiety just knowing that she is going to be coming here either this weekend or next weekend to work again. DH has told her that she is wasting gas driving back and forth but she doesn't want to get another job in the town she lives in.  I don't know why I get anxiety before she comes when this is my house and if she doesn't like things here, she can leave. I have also told DH that if he should pass away before I do, that everybody will come get their stuff and leave me alone. I know weird conversation to have. We talk about what if something happens to him because he thinks that he will pass away before me, that I should get married again and I tell him HELL NO! Youngest SD is done with school in a year and half and hopefully she will get a job in the town that she lives in because if she comes back here and tries to live with us, I will be moving out. 

Anyways, I don't know what the point of this post is for but I guess just to vent and get my thoughts off my mind. This post is a little all over the place and I'm sorry if I bored anybody. If you've made it through to the end, thank you very much. Have a good day!

Comments

FrustratedandLost's picture

She is 22 and acts like if she wants something, her parents owe it to her. She is a manipulative kid that will play on people's feelings to get what she wants. I personally don't think she has a right to come and go in my home as she pleases and feels she needs to give me the respect as the "mother" of DH and my house that I deserve. She doesn't ask me anything, not even when DH tells her to. 

Kaylee's picture

She is an entitled, awful sounding person.

But your H is part of the reason she is like that. You know that though.

I personally would refuse to have her in the house.....she is 22 and can find her own accommodation!

Ugh!!

ESMOD's picture

It sounds like she is a full time student... where does she live now? and is that not an option for the summer?

It's not unusual for kids to come live with their parents when they are FT college students on break..Of course, in this situation, I would assume that a child would either 1. live with the custodial parent (or who had been the custodial parent prior to them going to college).. 2 split their summer break between their two bio parents.

I guess it really depends on what her real options are.. whether she can stay at school (who pays those expenses..if her parents are stil covering her expenses while in school?)

 

FrustratedandLost's picture

Right now she is going to a junior college in a town 2 1/2 hours away, living with her mom, whom she has never lived with since I met them 11 years ago. Her mother moved for her to have a convenient commute to school. SD has been paying for school and now come to find out, she found a way to be paid to go to summer school. I don't know how that works; all I know is that she is using somebody's address in the town the JC is in and now she will get paid to go to school. We do not pay for her schooling; we just pay for her cell phone, which is $25 a month. No big whoop. She and her sister have always been with their dad. Neither one of the ungrateful brats ever lived with their mom but always stayed loyal to her. My husband fought for the first three years of our relationship to get custody of his kids. 

SD used to treat me so rudely and with disrespect because of her loyalty to her mom. Now, come to find out, her mom doesn't treat her very nicely. I don't know how but my SIL told me that her mom is mean to her. How much of that is true, who knows. SD has an attitude of her own. I told SIL that the karma of treating me bad has come back to her.

If I didn't have to be around any of his family, I would be happy. My parents and brother and his family live in another state. The family I do have, other than my aunt, live a couple hours away. I would rather be where my parents and brother are. 

caninelover's picture

This is none of her business and neither of you should be speaking to the other about it.  If she brings it up, just say it's a matter between you and your husband.

It's normal (though it may be unpleasant) for kids in college to spend summers with parents.  However it doesn't have to be the whole summer with you, it should be shared with BM.  That would leave you with a month or so - just try and keep to yourself and not engage with SD's rudeness.

When SD graduates, I would make it clear to DH that she is not living there or you're divorcing.

FrustratedandLost's picture

Talk to my SIL anymore. DH does not support me in what I want. If I say that the SD is not going to live with us and I'm leaving, he will not care. It is just funny how he acts when SD comes here. His whole demeanor changes. He's more serious when SD is here. He says nobody or nothing will come between SKs and DH but when it comes to them being around, he doesn't act that happy to see them. He has stated he wishes he wouldn't have fought for them for so long because his kids treated him badly and fought all the time, like fist fought some times, when they were in high school. 

When it comes to talking to DH about what I want and don't want when it comes to his family and kids, he doesn't listen to me and no matter how I tell him how it affects me when things happen with his family or kids, he tells me to get over it and not let it bother me. Am I being over sensitive about this situation and his daughter? Or am I right in the way I feel? 

caninelover's picture

You're not being overly sensitive as then he's told you that his kids and family are more important to him than you, his wife.  You should lay down the law on what you want and continue making exit plans if nothing changes, which it sounds like you are already doing.