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Medical Bill. Help!

Frazzled2020's picture

DH has a mediation paper that says he has 30 days to pay dr upon receipt of bill or 30 days to pay BM upon proof of payment. 
for two years now she has only shown receipts of paid bills. 
DH has informed lawyer who says we will discuss it in court (date keeps moving) 

we just received a paid bill today from bm showing a 2k bill that DH has to pay BM in 30 days from a personal check

we don't have 2k. We need to be able to pay dr with credit card just as bm can

any advice on what to do? 

there is no way we will get 2k in 30 days 


lieutenant_dad's picture

Email BM and explain what you can pay and how many installments you can pay to her. Then tellher that, in the future, you want to pay the doctor directly.

Your DH is going to court anyway, so make a reasonable offer to BM, stick to it, and let the court deal with it if they think that doesn't suffice.

And DOCUMENT sending her any payments. Cashier's check, auto transfer, paper rw rd receipt, certified mail - don't just give her money without a trail.

Frazzled2020's picture

He's told the BM multiple times he wants to pay the DR directly wit a credit card as requested. 
If we offer to pay her $50 a month can this come back on him? 
we are in so much debt from the lawyers and she keeps sending medical bills $200 here, $40 there, $1500, and now 2k 

I wanted to make sure he can't get arrested or something. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Arrested for what? Not paying a civil debt might cause him to owe BM interest, but he won't be arrested. He didn't commit a crime, he just isn't following a civil court order as outlined.

If he can't afford it, he can't afford it. BM wanted control, and that comes with consequences.

Though, I'm no lawyer and this isn't legal advice. If you're concerned he'll be arrested, ask the attorney what the repercussions would be. My guess is a scolding from the judge and *maybe* having the medical debt rolled into CS.

ETA: Has your DH done any research on father's rights? There are several forums similar to this one that helps men navigate these waters. Justmaking (she posted on your last blog) also found an organization that can help find the right attorney for the case and maybe some other help. PM her for the name, or search through one of her recent blogs that has the link/name.

SteppedOut's picture

Is there something significantly wrong with skid? Why are the medical bills so high? Does your husband have any input on medical expenses?

lieutenant_dad's picture

Read her first blog. SD is a cutter with severe mental health issues while BM is an abusive narc.

Frazzled2020's picture

SD arrived with a book that I looked up that discusses cancer and death. We told SD that she can have it back when she goes to BM. SD began yelling and throwing a tantrum. "You can't take MY stuff. Mom said it's fine!" 
DH just said "you can have it back on Sunday" and I just kept changing the subject. 
She went right to texting mom saying "Mom says you need to give it back" 

Please pray for me lol 

Frazzled2020's picture

There is a part in the book that mentions the main character being depressed, sad, and crying about the possibility of death. 
We were informed by SD doctor that no books or movies in regards to depression, sadness, death, cutting or bullying. (Even PG13 is off limits). 
Considering everything is so confusing, it just seems easier to not have any books going back and forth currently. It's too difficult to judge what is acceptable or not. 

Frazzled2020's picture

SD was admitted to the hospital for being depressed. Inpatient treatment for a week. 
DH wants to have them on his insurance. DH wants to pay the DR 50% with credit card. 
BM wants to make our life suck as much as possible lol 

lieutenant_dad's picture

You'd need to look into this, but there may be a way for your DH to add them to insurance and put their claims through his insurance after the fact so that he pays out less. You can dual-insure kids, and since he needs to contact the doctor anyway, he might be able to get the insurance on file.

Won't help with the current bill, but might with the future bills.

Frazzled2020's picture

Good option but currently everything we have is tied up together right now. We just bought a house and are working on paying off our debt. I will need to work on splitting our money but I don't have much anywaysZ I own my own business so there's not a lot of money in it lol 

Maxwell09's picture

well I have questions which will determine my advice: 

1. did he consent to the treatment or did BM take it upon herself to approve treatment and just bill him for half? 

2. Does she have the power to decide on such an expensive treatment without consulting him first? Usually it's in papers that other parents should be consulted for major decision and I'd say this is one 

3. is she refusing to allow your DH to cover her on his insurance? If she is then refuse to pay full amount. 

my advice is going to be if BM signed for these treatments without talking to your DH first, and she doesn't have sole legal then I would respond to BM that she is breaking the court order by continuously hedging his parental rights and if she can solely make these decisions then she is solely take on the medical bills that come with that choice. If BM can make these decisions without his consent or he gave his consent but wasn't aware of the cost breakdown before now, I would let BM know that because she refuses to allow him to pay the hospital directly then she can take monthly installments or nothing at all. If she is refusing to allow him coverage then I would tell BM that he will only be reimbursing BM that total amount that it would have been if his insurance was also applied bc there's no sense in him paying out of pocket more if his insurance will cover most of the remaining cost. Example treatment 500$, BM/State insurance covered 200$ leaving 300$ owed. BM sends bill to DH. DH finds out how much his own insurance would have covered as secondary--let's say 100$ so then DH pays his court ordered percentage based on that. And SHE can come up with the difference since she's road blocking your insurance. And if she brings you to court over it say she refuses to allow medical coverage which would have covered the costs, she doesn't notify you of the Drs so you can pay them in full via credit cards. 

Frazzled2020's picture

BM is sole custodian so she makes all decisions. She does not give DH the option to pay the DRs (just because). So she pays it all with her credit card then tells DH he has 30 days to reimburse her (which is by personal check) 

he has complained to her time and time again but she refuses to allow him to pay the drs directly. 
he has even gone around and directly given info to aome drs and BM causes a scene so the drs tell DH that they won't get in the middle and they charged BM the full amount. 
this, along with DH putting them on his insurance, is to be discussed in court, in 2018 then pushes to April 2019, then pushed to September 2019, the. Pushed to April 2020, now pushed to June 2020. 
we texted our lawyer and said "this needs to be resolved" 

we set up a consult with another lawyer. 
move heard about offering her installments $20-$50 a month, what a credit card payment would be
I wondered if he could just tell BM "I've informed you multiple times that I wanted the opportunity to charge my CC just as you are able to; I have a CC do you have square?"

it doesn't say how he has to reimburse her, just that he has 30 days. And square charges 2.5%  I know she won't accept cc but it would be awesome if she did lol. 
you're very helpful!! 

ESMOD's picture

cash advance is often a different rate.. but only a few percentage points difference.  It sounds like his obligation is to pay her within 30 days.. so that may be your only option.

Otherwise.. you could try to contact the DR office.. tell them that you were responsible for 50% of the bill.. can you pay them and they can refund BM's card the difference?


Frazzled2020's picture

You are a life saver!!!! We called the DR office and had them accept 50% of the payment on our credit card! Now we can just pay off our credit card. Thanks so much! 

ESMOD's picture

wow.. that's great.  I was a bit concerned they would decline because they didn't want to get in the middle.. but if they can just refund her the half.. and let your card replace it.. that's fantastic.

Frazzled2020's picture

It was suprisingly easy. They had no issue reimbursing BMs card 50% and accepting our part of the payment. 
I'm sure BM will argue in an email to DH this week about how it is "unacceptable" and "highly irregular". I informed DH that if BM cancels his payment to the DR, maybe DH could just tell BM that she refused his payment 
I would never have thought that would work but that just helped us out a lot!