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Lockdown and visitation

Frazzled2020's picture

Does anyone know if visitation rights are being enforced if there is a lockdown? 
I'm in KY and currently, we are not on lockdown, though we are not far from it. 
do you know if my DH would still get every other weekend or if he should have the kids at stay at BM to be safe? 
also, would you all ask for the time to be reimbursed when this passes? 
thanks so much. 
hope everyone is safe :) 

Comments

Thumper's picture

Follow the court order unless you "BOTH" agree to a temp Alternative. I would suggest to get that in writing. BUT BUT BUT, edit to add:

One thing to always remember a ncp DOES NOT have to accept visitation. They can say no at any time. But a custodial must have the child ready to go to non custodials IF ncp wants visitation.

It is unlikely skipping several  visitation weekends will change child support orders. In case your concerned about that. ESPECIALLY during a mass pandemic.

I hope that makes sense.

What does dh want to do. BM can not make him take the kids.

Thumper's picture

missginger....not sure if it is "guilty dad" or BM"s screaming YOU BETTER COME GET YOUR KIDS BUDDY.

many dads are threatend to be dragged back to court for HIGHER support awards---so I do not think it is 'guilt', I do think its worry. jmo

dad does not have to exercise visitation.

tog redux's picture

What does your DH want to do? This could go on for several months - wouldn't most people be upset about not seeing their kids for such a long time?

Monkeysee's picture

This is the problem, of course they’ll be upset, anyone would be, but if every stepfamily continues visitation like everything is normal that’s millions of points of contact & just furthers the spread, which puts everyone at risk. I told DH once the kids are actually quarantined for a few weeks & have no symptoms we can consider it (provided we even have the option at that point), until then the safest thing for everyone is for them to stay with BM. Feelings can’t be the priority right now. The longer people keep thinking their families are above the requirement of social distancing the longer this is going to go on & the harder it will be on everyone. 

tog redux's picture

I do understand your point.  But there are a rash of stepmothers on here using this as an excuse to stop the visitation of skids who they dislike. How many of them would follow your advice if they had to keep the kid with them? Exactly ZERO. But they all want their DH to not see the kid for their own needs. If the kid was quarantined with them, they'd all be happy to dump the kid on BM with no consideration of BM.

I don't personally agree that all visitation needs to stop. Perhaps change, and maybe be based on conditions in the other parent's home, but not stop entirely. That's not reasonable to me.

And yes, I am taking this situation very seriously.

Monkeysee's picture

It’s really sad to see people taking joy out of such a stressful situation. I can understand feeling relief from skid visits in some situations, but taking joy at a parent being separated from their child? No.

As for being separated for months, I sincerely hope it doesnt come to that, for so, so many reasons. I’m in the UK, and with the complete lack of action that’s been done by the government here it won’t be a surprise when we end up just like Italy, if not worse. As hard as this is, it’s just not the time for feelings, especially if people are switching homes multiple times a week. I can see holding visitation if people have been self isolating for a few weeks & have no symptoms, but even that’s a risk. It’s an understandable thing for parents to want to do, but this is bigger than that. The Chinese medical team that’s gone to Italy has said their lockdown hasn’t been strict enough, their numbers are still increasing. The whole world is upside down right now, it’s just not the time to be passing kids back & forth.  

Thumper's picture

Completely agree monkey!!!

I for one, support and advocate for shared physical residential custody of fit parents. The eow dad thing is pure garbage. Nothing good comes from it.

This is not about fee fee's.  Kids should stay put. Parents should stay put. JMO

 

Frazzled2020's picture

I suppose I conveyed the incorrect idea in my posting. 
DH wants his children more than even every other weekend. 
this isn't about child support. 
im wondering because HCBM will more than likely tell DH that due to the lockdown (likely coming Monday) he can't see the kids. We assume she will say things such as "You would really put MY kids in jeopardy for your own selfish reasons" 

 

im sorry everyone is going through all of the chaos 

Frazzled2020's picture

The pandemic is affecting everyone differently. In my personal situation, my DH nor I, have any underlying health concerns. The Skids never leave their BM house when they are there regardless of their schools being closed.
of course, we'd follow all protocols needed. DH and myself work at home and have no need to go out and walk amongst people and possibly infecting others. 
I am not a SM that hates my children nor do I attempt to be their mom. 
We simply deal with a HCBM and I wondered if anyone had an idea on if, legally speaking, the HCBM was legally allowed to not let DH see his children. 
I appreciate everyone input and will discuss with DH how to proceed forward. 
thank you so much :) 

Kee-khe's picture

In my case, yes I do feel relief being away from all the step drama for a few weeks. My home is much more relaxed and happy and healthy. And no I don't think I am being selfish. Nobody knows my situation better than me and what I've had to deal with. Also DH and I decided very clearly, nobody comes in my home except us, period. I will not risk our health, and that includes keeping SD At BMs, several people live in in her apt, (GBM, live in BF, and her 3 different kids, and her sister.) Each of BMs kids comes and goes from their (different) fathers' places back to that apt and BM continues to work too. We do not know how cautious they are or aren't being and what they are exposed to . So no, SD will not be back here until all risks are gone. 

stepmom2stepsons's picture

@frazzled2020, OP

Review your county website regarding the shelter in place order. Ours specifically states it excludes anything court ordered, i.e visitation.