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Still trying to get a grip on my life

EvilStepMom1977's picture

Just here for an update.  Still trying to get a grip on my life.  I don't know why it's so hard.  Please try not to judge me.

In November a week before Thanksgiving I lost my ex and kids dad to suicide.  Needless to say that's been awful.  Devestating for all of us.  We were still friends.

A week before Christmas my partner and man child called to tell me his ex wife dumped scalding water intentionally on her partner in the presence of their combined 5 children.  He gained permanent custody of them that night and later full custody.

Mercifully, the court, after TWO FUCKING MONTHS, finally stopped garnishing his paycheck and giving her child support.  As I raised her kids.  Thinking about it makes my blood boil.  Still waiting for the court to order child support.  Going on three months for that.  Fuck the legal system.

His kids are doing better now that they are in a stable home.  My kids are doing okay but not great.

His daughter's hygiene has improved somewhat.  She did leave an unflushed toiled the other day with the trifecta of pee, poop, and menstural blood.  The menstural blood was a dead giveaway (not that it wouldn't have been obvious otherwise because it's always either her or her brother.  Always).  Still she tried to deny it.  Deny deny deny.  That's what she does.  I didn't do it.  It had fucking menstrual blood.  If the little urchin could just stop lying and being gross I might be able to develop some sort of maternal feelings for her.

I have quite a bit more money now (sad how I came by it) but I want to out away as much as I can for my kids.  I want my partner to grow the fuck up.   I won't let that money support his family and I hope he can get it together before he's homeless with two kids.   



Stepping Along's picture

Woah... What a few months you have had.

Firstly, im so sorry to hear about the loss of your kids dad. I hope through out all the craziness you and the kids find a way to be able to hand your grief and come together as best you can.

I started reading this post and then went back and went through a few of your other blogs to play catch up... OMG! First of  all i think you are a saint espeically dealing with SD. I did read in on post where you said it would be your worst nightmare if you BF got full custody of his kids, and i get that, so i totalllllly applaud you for hanging in there espeically after whats going on for you and your kids.

I dont have any advice only sympathy and to say i think what you have said about putting as much money away for the kids and yourself as you can is a good idea. Do no over extend to support his brood. I also think although it might be tough and you might feel crappy, if it all gets too hard, too tough, too much for you, put yourself and your kids first and take care of yourselves if thats going to be what you need to do. xx

sharlyns's picture

Good for you! You take the reins for your troop. If he such a child then let him grow up! You don't need more kids!

I know how disgusting skids can be. DH son is the same! It's hard to take. Next time snap a nnn nnn pic make a copy post it on the door and write. Please clean up your mess! We all live here!

People think I'm mean...I just giving them a taste of their own crap!

Stay sweet and love Your Babies!

Monkeysee's picture

I’m so sorry for the loss of your kids dad, I can’t imagine what you all are going through. How old are your kids? Are they in counselling?

As for your BF and his kids, while I’m glad his children are out of their mothers ‘care’, this doesn’t mean they have to live with you. Especially considering what your kids are dealing with right now. The last thing they need is the dysfunction from your BF’s family at home where they should feel the most safe. Home should be a place where they can heal, not dealing with the kind of chaos that comes from your BF’s feral offspring.

I’m very glad to hear you’re saving that money for your kids & not spending it on your BF’s family. His drama is not your issue, and I think you should take it one step further and tell him he needs to find a place for him & his kids. Your children need to be your top priority right now. Both sets of kids have been through traumatic experiences, but it’s not your responsibility to take on the emotional well-being of his kids, especially when yours need you right now. I don’t think forcing them to all share a roof is what’s best for any of them, your BF is going to need to step up & stop freeloading off you so he can support the family he brought into this world. That’s not on you.

Winterglow's picture

I can only agree with the above posts. Please be safe and put yourself and your own children first - whatever that takes. Sending you all the positive vibes I can muster. 



bananaseedo's picture

Oh wow, so sorry for your family's loss!  That has to be tough. I have to agree though, I think it's probably best for BOTH sets of kids to live seperate for a while to heal.  It would also be easier on both of you to manage your own homes.  HUGS!! 

EvilStepMom1977's picture

It would be better for my kids.  It would not be better for his.  They would have to change schools again and I would be surprised if he could afford a 1 bedroom apartment for the three of them.  In theory it's not my problem.  But easier said than done.

CLove's picture

My condolences to your family.

You are such a trooper, and taking care of your SO's kiddos, while going through all of this!

I hope things get better for you, either by you leaving or the kids improving (SD).