Skids having skids
So I'm newish.
I've been with my partner (not husband) for 3 years. I have sole physical and legal custody of my kids. His kids stay with us every other weekend.
I'm losing patience with the nine year old. In the past months, she's wet the bed twice and not said anything, leaving it to soak in for 24 hours. The first time we discovered it, princess told daddy someone else wet the bed. My partner told her accidents happen, BUT it's not okay to lie. It's not okay to let it soak in all day.
So a month later she pisses the bed again. Come to find out she wears Depends at home and her mom didn't feel it necessary to mention. (I fucking hate her mom.). So partner spoke to her again and he bought a mattress pad and I bought diapers but there was no real consequence.
Partner doesn't want her to feel sad. I'm pissed because I already told the kids not to wet the bed and not say anything. seriously, I don't think my expectations are very high.
She has problems with poop too. I have less tolerance for this because she's fully conscious when it happens. in the past months I have found skid marks on her bedspread. Shit pellets in the shower. Shit on the bathmat. we have been dealing with underpants with copious amounts of poop for years. I have been dealing with leggings that have poop on them because she doesn't always wear underwear. One week and she came over wearing under pants, leggings, and a skirt over it. They all had poop on them. Her mom says this is normal for a nine-year-old and that I am overreacting. Talking to her does not seem to work. she has been told that whether or not she can control the shit leaking out, she is expected to rinse her underwear and leggings and she is expected to put them in the laundry and not leave them on the floor. so again, whether it's a medical problem is beside the point. I expect her to clean it up. last weekend I asked her if she had taken all of her clothes off the bathroom floor and she lied and said she had. I found her shitty underpants there days later.
Tonight I was reading online about how girls who are obese at her age are much more likely to experience an early onset of puberty. She's weighing in at about 155 lbs right now. She's nine.
this girl gets her period and menstrual blood is added to the mix of shit and urine that can't be contained, I am going to fucking lose my mind.
I already feel like my house is a biohazard.
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Buy a plastic mattress cover.
Buy a plastic mattress cover. Where is your partner and what is he doing about this?
He bought a mattress cover.
He bought a mattress cover. The kid is sleeping in the other room and I don't know if he made her put on a diaper. I've been sick all day.
What is it with parents on
What is it with parents on this site sticking their heads in the sand when their kid has an issue with soiling themselves? Seriously, it’s disgusting.
Why does your BF not take issue with his DD about this? Never mind being ‘sad’ about it, does she not get teased at school for smelling bad becaue she’s always got sh*t in her pants? Does that not matter to him? Is her physical well-being not more important than making sure her fee fees don’t get hurt over something she should, at 9, have a freaking handle on??
I don’t have any advice for you, I apologize. I’m just at a loss with parents who seem to think behaviour like this is normal or acceptable. Even if she’s got a medical condition, this just isn’t ok.
I agree with monkeysee here
Honestly i’m trying to wrap my head around op sd poo/bedwetting issues and the fact when my almost 2yr old and 3.5 yr old do poos they’re tugging at their nappies to let me know its dirty or if there was an accident then they’re crying because it’s uncomfortable
are these skids so angry at their parents being divorced that they’d happily lay and sit in wee and poo as a manipulation tactic?? How is it toddlers seem to have better hygiene than them? How is it toddlers who can’t speak fully still come straight to their parents when they’ve done a poopoo or weewee??
just mind boggling this skid crap
I had a waterproof mattress
I had a waterproof mattress cover on the bed for my SD as she wet the bed until she was 9, then didn't seem to get the concept of sanitary protection, so we also had a bloodstaining issue in her early teens.
Frankly, I think a 9 yr old weighing 155lb is much more serious, unless she is over 6ft tall, she is obese and it needs addressing.
This child clearly has ISSUES
This child clearly has ISSUES. Physical, mental or both.
It is NOT normal for a 9 year old to:
1. Weigh 155 lbs, unless they are extraordinarily tall, which, I doubt because you haven't mentioned it.
2. Soil themself on the regular. Wetting the bed is one thing, but constant fecal leaking? No.
3. To think wearing poopie clothes is "no big deal".
4. 9 is on the early end for puberty... how early did she start?
Seriously, this child NEEDS to see a doctor to rule out endocrine system and/or other medical/mental issues.
Honestly, how do you still have one shred of respect for your partner? My formerSO did not parent his child AT ALL. He was FERAL and all formerSO did was make excuses and very occasionally "talk" to him about issues. To me it was disgusting. A total turn off and I completely lost respect for him. Additionally, I was 1000% unable and unwilling to live with a child like that (it was NOT going to change). The kid I dealt with also had "bathroom hygiene issues" at age 13! The thought of fecal matter all over seriously disgusted me.
Honestly, how do you deal with this...and how old are your kids and how does all this affect them?
Yes, this is what I was
Yes, this is what I was thinking. I would not have one shred of love or respect left for DH if he let his kid get dangerously obese and shit all over herself and the house, did nothing about it, and expected me to clean it up.
Total deal breaker there.
Yes your SO is the problem
Bigger question is, How can you love and respect a man who, had a child and is not parenting it. Who lets there 9 yo get to 155 lb. with out doing anything. Let there 9 yo wet the bed without doing anything. Ect, ect,ect.
You have a great catch there. Just imagine what going to happen as she grows up. She has to have her BF sleep with her, we don’t want her sad. She can not work, work makes her sad. Going to school makes her sad. But she just loves to sit around the house watching screen and eating.
It's getting harder and
It's getting harder and harder to make excuses for my SO. He has sat her down and spoken to her sternly. But there have never been real consequences. What's more upsetting is he has completely laid into my daughter before. I avoid yelling at his children but I'm to my wit's end.
So this morning the waterproof sheet that he bought was crumpled up in a wad on her bed. The package of Depends had not been opened. Thank God she didn't have an accident. But I am incredibly pissed. A waterproof sheet is not enough because I am not going to wash piss soaked bedding every week. I am tired of washing her comforter and her sheets and I am tired of the smell. Bedding is not made to be washed on a regular basis like that. It starts to fall apart.
My partner took his kids with him to his band practice.
When he gets home, there is going to be a come-to-jesus and a meeting of the minds. This girl's mom refused to send Depends over and said I had to buy them myself. I bought them. She is going tofucking wear one when she sleeps over at my house or she will not sleep over at my house anymore. I say MY house because I pay for the whole thing. My partner's child support has left him dirt poor and he lives at poverty level. If he didn't live with me he would have to move back in with his mom. He couldn't even afford a bedroom with roommates. the court-ordered child support is nothing short of insane. He made the mistake of making too much money one year of his life and now the court feels he should be able to make that forever.
Also she left clothes all over the bathroom floor even though she has been told not to do that several times. I admit I don't mind so much when my kids leave clothes on the bathroom floor. But my kids clothes smell like regular kids clothes. This girl's clothes stink all to hell. She is honestly the smelliest child I have ever known. Even a couple hours after shower and she stinks again. I do not know what's going on with her body.
Honestly I can't stand having this ragmuffin in my life. I'm starting to think breaking up is the only option if I want to keep my sanity.
Good Lord woman.
Good Lord woman.
You are footing the bill for all this too? Hell to the no.
Sounds like your bf needs to be working a second job instead of "playing in a band". Why can't he make more... he made more for one year... it must have been significantly more to affect his cs to the point you pay for everything. Why can't he do that again?
I think you need to set aside some time to make a pros and cons list regarding this relationship. Seriously, what are you getting out of it that is positive? He yells at your kids but allows all this from his daughter?! Another hell to the no.
Op, you don’t wash the soiled sheets and mattress
protectors ever again. Repeat that with me.... “I WILL NEVER WASH IT AGAIN!!”
you need to sit down with hubby and tell him it’s absolutely disgusting, this isn’t normal and from now on when se has poo or wee soaked clothes and bedsheets etc, she cleans it. This isn’t chuck it in washing machine. She will hand soak it in a bucket and scrub the poo stains out, she will do this herself. She will use an old toothbrush for this job. She will do this everytime, hand scrub until poo stains have disappeared. Then she will rinse twice with laundry detergent and then does her separate laundry load, with proper soap and fabric softener and she will hang it on the line. Her father will enforce this always, he will make sure she does this on time. He will ensure it is done. No excuses!! No buts!! He will make sure this happens
he will be reminded it’s absolutely disgusting he has his partner who isn’t the mother of this disgusting child, clean this mess up because it’s convenient for him. Maybe a few episodes of hubby seeing her scrub the shit will make him gag and snap this is effin ridiculous.
do not be afraid to tell your husband this that it will ruin your marriage or relationship. Because if he ends your relationship over this, you’ll have an amazing story to tell people why he ended things.....
i am never afraid of skids with appalling behaviour because even though my husband is the classic disney dad who recently realised his kids were taking him for a ride and he got firmer with his parenting, we are both big on hygiene and manners. If ss is smelly, scruffy looking or washed his laundry with barely any water or soap, hubby is not gonna tolerate a smelly messy home. So i tell him because i am his eyes and ears at home and he takes my word for it everytime. He knows i am telling the truth. He has no reason to not trust me but he has every reason to not trust any if the 3 kids with exwife...
do not even consider or ever wash the sheets again. If hubby forgets to have sd wash the sheets, her mattress is soaked in wee, great sd and hubby can remove the smelly mattress from her bedroom and dump it in backyard. Sd can sleep on the floor with a protective pad underneath...
a few times of this should produce positive results hopefully
if your partner is refusing to address this then you have 2 options:
1- live in shit and wee stench in your home and contaminated everywhere; or
2- leave this man, dysfunction and unhygienic disgusting environment and find a better man
He needs to deal with things
1. If his income has gone down, he needs to file to get CS adjusted.
2. He needs to give up playing in the band, and work on dealing with his DD and earniing more money.
3. He needs to take his DD to a DR, then a therapist. None of this is normal.
Unless he is willing to change, OP needs to get the hell out of there.
I dont get it?
She is 9. How old are you kids?
Some kids at 9 still wet the bed. I did. It can happen for a variety of reasons - usually the bladder has not caught up with the rest of the body. Hiding it could be shame - if she feels like someone (ahem) would be mad, then makes sense to try and kids it kwim?
The poop issue may also be medical.
I read your post and my heart breaks for that kid. Have more compassion.