Kids on our rules/schedule update + issues with future inlaws
The future inlaws decided to leave friday to make the drive down here without even saying anything/asking if it was okay. SO called them a few days before that and asked them not to get back until Wednesday (their return date was never set in stone, it was basically a "we'll see what happens" type of thing) because of everything that still needed to be done/taking his vehicle in to be worked on, etc. and it seemed like his parents agreed. Then all of a sudden they just leave without even a warning. So this meant that we had to rush and hurry to try to get done everything that needed to be done before they got back. We went to bed Friday night tired and completed about half the items.
Saturday morning he gets a call from them not too long after we get up saying that they are here. More rushing to move the yard waste pile outside so that they can get the RV in the driveway. Meanwhile, the house still isn't kid ready.. there is still stuff all over the place, etc.
First issue almost as soon as they got here: both SO and his parents told the older son to put the dog poop in the compost bag (our state/county has strict rules that no dog poop or even large amounts of dirt get put in compost bags). SO doesn't know this, he hasn't really had to deal with this issue in the past. His parents didn't know this, they are from a completely different state. The first time I told the younger son not to put the poop in that bag, both SO and his father jumped on me "why not, its compost right, etc. etc. etc." I tried telling them that it doesn't go in there and they wouldn't listen. After I got SO alone and actually explained to him that it is the way our state does things and that dog poop has too much bacteria to be put in compost that will end up in other people's gardens, he understood. Went out and told his dad and thought the issue was solved. The very next day, the dog poop was still getting put in the yard waste bags because they didn't bother getting out a plastic bag for the poop.
Cleaned the new steps that were just built so that they could dry and be sealed, SO told the kids to stay off of them, and they didn't. OK, kids will be kids. Just another thing that would have been done and not have had to worry about if they didn't randomly show up 4-5 days ahead of time.
Yesterday, SO and I had to go help one of his friends pack up to move (another reason SO asked the parents to wait until Wednesday) and told the kids and his parents that the kids aren't allowed in the pool until after lunch. When we got back, found out that SO's stepmom let the kids get in the pool before lunch. Great idea future MIL... teach the kids that dad's rules don't matter and that they don't have to listen to him.
I woke up today (SO is at work) to find that the kids were touching and messing with stuff in the living room/dining room that they shouldn't have been touching. They both know better. Older one took a container with about $80 into his room... guess he thought it was his? It was the younger son's change that the older son took. If SO wanted their money in their rooms, it would have been in there. Even at the apartment he lived in prior, their money stayed in the living room in their banks.... Just another thing we forgot about/didn't have time to move because they got back early. No, nothing went completely missing, nothing was broken, but they wouldn't have touched and moved what they did today if they didn't go with the grandparents. For the first 2 weeks after we moved in, they didn't really touch anything that was sitting out there except for one thing one time... and there was a lot more stuff sitting out there before.
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Almost forgot, the
Almost forgot, the grandparents "agreed" that the kids would only be eating inside while I am here (they will take care of wednesday since neither I nor SO will be home). We are going to let them have a safe snack bin of healthy snacks that they can have whenever between lunch and 4:30. They are responsible for their snack bin... it has to last 2 days, or else they don't get anymore snacks until the next refill date.... we want them to have options, but also don't want them eating too much snacks everyday... there are things like fruit gummies, granola bars, mini sun chip + pretzel bags, and some sweet options as well.. pop tarts and mini muffin bites. Since they got back early, we haven't had a chance to go buy fresh fruits and veggies, but that will be an option as well. We may have to adjust the snack bin, etc. depending on how they do with the shared bin. We may have to make them their own, only put 1 days worth in at a time, etc, or have them start asking for it again... but we did want to try it since it was suggested on my last post.
I am so confused. In a
I am so confused. In a previous blog you had concerns with kids behavior and no following rules since they came back from grandparents. But they actually didn’t come back until now?
My previous post was talking
My previous post was talking about how once they got back, they need to start getting used to our rules and schedule again, and how to get the grandparents on board with following our rules. I mentioned that last year when they got back, it took them 1-2 months to get back on schedule and rules completely, so this year we wanted to start it as soon as they get back, whether the grandparents stayed for 1 day or 1 week. And not to have the confusion that we had in July when the grandparents came down to pick them up.
It's possible Grandma and
It's possilbe Grandma and Grandpa brought them back early because they are TIRED OF WATCHING THE GRANDKIDS. If you don't want the kids in the pool before lunch, stay home and babysit them yourself or have your DH do so. Seriously, you have a ton of rules for people that are gratuitously babysitting their grandchildren for you and your SO benefit. If you don't like how they are volunteering, find a new volunteer.
I'm sure you are a very nice person, but you seem incredibly controlling. Why can't the kids have their own piggy banks in their bedrooms? If they lose the money - oh well, it was their money to lose. You truly treat these kids like they are babies or toddlers. You need to read books on what is age appropriate for children.
Sometimes when our lives get out of control, we try to grab control in crazy ways. Having two kids is HARD. Having two kids that aren't your children living with you is VERY HARD. It feels like you are grabbing hold of everything you CAN control to compensate for all the things you can't control. Unless or until you have kids of your own, you won't realize how normal their behavior is and how less impatient you end up being with kids your are biologically tied to. Just my .02.
If they were tired of
If they were tired of watching them, they they should have said something when my SO called them and asked them if they could wait until after Wednesday. Instead they seemed to have agreed, and then left 6 days early without saying a single word. The return date wasn't even set, just sometime the week of the 20th.
"If you don't want kids in the pool before lunch, then stay home...." that was all my SO's rule. I didn't even know anything about it until after we got back and he told me that he told the kids and his parents no pool. The whole point of bringing that up was because they don't respect my SO's rules, and it is HIS house and HIS kids. The grandmother just decided on her own that it was fine.... how is that showing the kids that they need to listen to HIM now that they are back? It isn't. Also, we couldn't stay home. My SO said that we would help his friend before the grandparents randomly decided that they were going to leave Friday night. If we knew a couple days ahead of time when they would be coming back, we would have tried to make other arrangments.
Their banks weren't in their rooms because my SO didn't have the chance to figure out what exactly he wanted to do with them. He was thinking about taking some of the money out of them to hold onto separately and then put the rest back in their banks into their rooms.... their rooms weren't even fully put together/didn't have a place to put their piggy banks yet as well. They also didn't need to be touching them today, and he grabbed the wrong container anyway. He didn't even know if those containers were theirs or not, for all they knew, they could have been mine or their fathers. Like I said before, the house wasn't ready for them to be back.
It isn't just my rules, it is their father's rules too. Rules that they have had for the past 3+ years of their lives. The new house specific rules are rules until we all get used to living here.
I got a headache to even read
I got a headache to even read it, I can’t imagine living it. This all sounds extremely uptight and controlling and anxiety producing for everyone involved. And really it’s a luxury to have people to watch kids for that many weeks. Just say thank you and stop stressing. You are stressing about mundane things that kids do.
I also wonder where do you fit into all this? When you were dating and not even living there SO made you (or you chose it) clean cook and babysit. Nothing seemed to change. Now you live there and “work” as a babysitter or his arbitrary rules “enforcer”. If SO makes strange rules it doesn’t mean you need to freak out all the time. If he wants these rules, it’s not for you to have panic attacks about. Is SO controlling with you too?
By the way it sounds totally weird that SO needed to think about what to do with piggy banks. What is there to think about? Is he trying to make up rules about piggy banks too? And who cares that the kid grabbed wrong container. Why is it even a big deal?
I'm glad someone else thinks
I'm glad someone else thinks this is just way out there. The fact that they came home 6 days early means they were tired of babysitting. Also, you promise to help someone move and something happens that you don't expect? You call your friend and you say, "Hey, my kids came home early. I either have to bring them with me or not help you move. Do you have a preference?" OR you just be grateful grandma and grandpa were willing to babysit so that you could keep your commitment instead of complaining because they let the kids swim before lunch when NO ONE ELSE was home and who cares?
Seriously, I do not know how people live with the stress that comes from sweating all the small things.
So you think it is completely
So you think it is completely okay for the grandparents to say they will keep them until the 22nd and then leave earliy without even saying a word first, and then showing up the next morning? Who's to say my SO and I didn't plan a weekend getaway before the kids got back, but since they got home early we couldn't go?
The grandparents watched the kids longer the past 2 summers they had them. When we found out they were in the room, SO's dad said "Well you don't need to be there when we get back, we will be fine.They also had an issue with the kids being inside until after 3 PM yesterday even though the kids wanted to play in their own rooms with their own toys for the first time in 6 weeks. So i really don't think it was an issue of them being tired of watching them. And the kids were fine/not asking to come back early either.. already found that out too.
The pool was an issue because it teaches the kids that Daddy's rules don't matter, that grandmother trumps everyone else. It was one simple rule, and she couldn't follow it. Who's to say she won't follow some of the other rules that actually matter, like not letting the kids in OUR bedroom the next time that neither of us aren't home (Tomorrow, because I need to help my SO get his vehicle in to be worked at, and the place is within walking distance of my dad's house, so I will be staying there tomorrow).
Because of the pool thing and everything else that she has done after being told not to, I really don't feel comfortable with her following that rule. Even if we lock the bedroom door before leaving, whos to say that if one of the kids says "one of my toys is in there and I really want it back" that she won't go find the key/screwdriver to open it up, and then her/the kid messing with things that are not his.... She doesn't know who's stuff is who's. The younger son really loves playing with his stuffed animals/ty beanies. I have some too, that I allow him to play with when I am with him. Sometimes he asks if his can visit with mine..